"Oh, is the for the little one?" "good, you got two portions" while I was carrying a little piece of cake and a cup of coffee back to my office after a little birthday celebration for one of our colleagues in other departments, these were the comments people were giving. they all thought i just had lots of cakes because apparently i am having a big bump with a 31-week baby and still carrying more back to my office. i just kept smiling. but, in fact, I could not even drink the fruit water there because i just had lunch and i have to wait another two hours until my snack time. the cake was really tempting and i have been showing good results in blood sugar tests, so i took a little piece to eat for the snack (but just the cake though, the icing is still too much sugar i think). I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes when i was 24 weeks pregnant and since then i have been watching my carbs and sugar and poking my fingers four times a day to check the blood sugar. it does not feel as difficult as it did in the beginning, because I always got anxious when the number on the tester counts back till showing my blood sugar. I felt so bad when it showed high and felt guilty and I was not watching what i ate or did not work out enough. gradually, I was reducing my carbs as once the nutritionist told me she would use insulin (she was rude. seeing my numbers, and even without questions, she said see, there are four times in two weeks your numbers were high and it is the policy), in those two weeks i was actually on holiday and I tried my best and there were times i was standing in the plane and in the airport despite the tiredness. Then I asked her to give me two more weeks and promised I would stick to regular plan. however, I could not because the holiday after syndrome made me even tired and on the night before the next appointment, I saw there were more than 6 times where my numbers were high, and i felt really bad because i just knew that I could just do it if I were given more time and i even felt angry that I took a trip and it disrupted my routine. Then I did something that I even forgot when i did last time. I cheated. I used the correction tape and changed the numbers. I left 3 of them since i knew the policy was four in two weeks. the nutritionist that day was a different one and she was nice and gentle. she said i was doing really good and she said she would see me in two weeks. relieved, guilty, I came out from the hospital with all mixed feelings. but I kept my promise. I watched my carb, which would not exceed 3 maximum and i also stick to walking for half an hour after each meal, and during two weeks, i felt much better because my numbers were good and i also somehow learned how to maintain good meal and snacks while still keeping my sugar level in the range. however, in my next appointment, the nutritionist said i might have overdone my exercise or not eaten enough since i did not gain any weight. she suggested that i should add some carb to my morning snack and before-bed snacks. in the next weeks, I listened to her and did add some carb. i did not cheat because i felt like those numbers were not really up to me. I was confused by different nutritionist. and luckily, in the very recent appointment, she was a professional, a doctor, not a nutritionist, and told me that do not worry about odd numbers, sometimes the machine might not be correct. I was like smiling and nodding. it is so easy for them to give their opinions, and sometimes, not even professional and i wonder if they really could feel us. sometimes, it is so difficult to give myself the initiative to just stand up and change my sneakers and started walking. I feel soo lazy and even sad that I have to go through this for another two months. I do not think I would be so persistent if it were for others or even for myself, but since it is for the little one, I am just sticking to it and will do for another nine weeks.
The experience of going through the gestational diabetes - NCT
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