NCT

Going back to work

Hi guys If am pregnant I can not go back to work as I may be single mum the financial overhead is £1000 per mth child care. I am applying for a new job I still do not know if I will be able to work after wards as the salary is /negotiable??.

My OH is not reliable so I am secretly gearing myself up for single parent hood. What should I do. The new job Is going to be demanding but at least whilst waiting for the baby I can put some money aside etc...

Or do I leave it to the gods and let fate decide, I also have to give OH a stiff ultimatum.

33 Replies
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I think it’s good to plan ahead but you don’t even know if your pregnant yet no point in stressing

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I totally agree, I understand the need to plan and think things through but you had unprotected sex once and may not even be pregnant. It seems you're getting yourself worked up over something that's not even an issue right now.

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Depending on your salary and circumstances you could be eligible for child benefit, tax credits etc. I’m not eligible but a google might help you find the information

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When it comes to childcare there is the new tax free childcare scheme. For every £8 you put in, it gets topped up by £2. It can really help. Also, if & when the time comes to look, sometimes childminders can be a teeny bit cheaper than nurseries (not all the time mind), and most of the time are a little bit more flexible. It might not be as bad as you think financially x

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Do you mean child care vouchers?

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Well sort of. It's a replacement for the vouchers that doesn't need an employer to be registered with a voucher company. So it's more accessible to self employed etc. Vouchers will still be fine for those already signed up but is closing to new sign ups in September I think

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Hun why would you consider being a single parent as your other half is going to let you down , why don’t you just go your separate ways and find the partner who wants to be there and support you and baby! Only saying this as I done it and my daughters nearly 16 and he never bothered ! Just food for thought you are better than that xx

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I got the impression your other half was no longer? You are making life changing decisions based on having sex once, which is all it takes technically but I’d hold your horses, wait to do the test, then take things from there.

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I never take chances. I had already had fertility testing in 2016 as I am 41 I keep thinking if I miss the boat and change my mind I might never have a baby. I don't know what I want. what if I am not pregnant does mean I am baron? What If I never meet anyone. I would never entertained a relationship if he head not mentioned he was looking fir wife in the first place. You see my dilemma. I hope you will all believe me I have never tried to be pregnant I was engaged once it did not work out. I do not just go to be with someone, I promise I am not promiscuous in any way. Guys what do think?

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Hun we don't think your promiscuous in any way. From what you've told us it sounds like the guy is the one with the problem, but it sounds like your worried about being a single mum before you even need to worry (you don't know your even pregnant yet) so take a breather when the time comes take a test and take it from there don't worry unnecessarily, don't just assume your pregnant just wait and see and no if your not it doesn't mean your barran ppl take years to become pregnant who have no fertility issues at all. Just take one thing at a time hun xx

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I am 41 years old, when we first meet he said he wanted a wife, we met over two months ago. I have pcos I have never tried for a baby before, nor have I ever been pregnant. he feels so bad for he spend most of the day messaging me going over the motions - he really does feel bad.

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Hun , overthinking everything is going to stress you out which can also delay tycoon too.

My sister in law is 43 and had a baby yesterday it was a shock but a lovely surprise for her. All I’m saying is don’t start thinking I’m 41 omg and try and rush things , give time to get to know your partner as it’s only been a couple of months and relax and enjoy each other’s company it might take you by surprise and happen ! All best x

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I think your putting too much pressure on your bloke 2 months to decide if he wants to marry and have a child with you! Take your time I understand your clocks ticking but give it a chance.

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2 months?! Not wanting to upset you but yes he may have wanted a wife but that doesn’t mean its you. You’re going to scare the crap out of him!

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Wow two months! I thought this guy was around for years! My husband waited months just to say the love word!

How can anyone decide they want to get married with a person they have just met?!

It takes more than just having someone who's willing.

You say you don't know what you want... maybe start with that first

Take a pregnancy test three or four weeks from the act or wait until you miss your period if you are regular

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If you’re not pregnant I actually think you’ll be really disappointed and you’ve sent the guy running for the hills!!

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I think you need to have a frank discussion with your partner and see what he wants in the long term. Also I’d say use protection until you know what you both want xx

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Honestly I doubt many people know what they want after 2 months with someone...

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She 41 not 14. Who goes into a relationship not knowing what they’re looking for?

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Yes. ... but does that mean after two months you are sure about who you want to tie down roots with? He might want to be married (with someone) but does he have to decide a pretty big thing like this in two months ... especially when this guy told her he didn't want to marry last month before all this! Sounds like he has been frank already ... also she's 41 can't assume he is too.

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You might think you know what you want in a relationship but you have to get to know that person to decide if that’s what you want with that person 2 months is definitely not long enough to expect someone to decide. Might just be sex for him nothing else who knows 2 sides.

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I spoke with him yesterday if am pregnant he will support me - he his not angry at me. The conversation ended on a high. we took the day of each other although I messaged him, we both know when my LMP is next due. I

I want my baby it is the stress of waiting for the day - I have applied for job where I can work form home.

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Well that’s good but you don’t know if there is a baby. What if you’re not pregnant?

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So much drama over something that might not even happen! And I'm not sure how working at home will help unless you work evenings and nights, because you cant work and look after a child at the same time.

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Lyndsaytw79 I think I am so stressed I have chest pain. I remembered I took paracetomol on Monday OMG

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What’s wrong with taking paracetamol?

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What’s up with taking paracetamol?

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Paracetamol is safe... one of the few medications that is known to be safe throughout pregnancy!

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I know - I guess this has been a lot of drama, I am thinking whether this is a water shed moment perhaps I need to think seriously about trying

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At the moment it’s all what ifs..... you won’t know if you are pregnant till you’ve done a test so until then I wouldn’t be worrying yourself too much I know it’s easier said than done.

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I know, this guy is getting on my nerves

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? What's the poor guy done now? I honestly feel for him...

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I thought you wanted to marry him?!

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