Too much ‘advice’ from friends & family: Is anyone else... - NCT


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Too much ‘advice’ from friends & family

Is anyone else being given unwanted ‘info’ on other peoples birthing experiences and what I should and should not doing in the run up to giving birth. I’m really getting fed up with certain friends & family volunteering information (more like scary birthing stories) which I haven’t asked for or even hinted about wanting to know. I’m really not interested as I know everyone’s experience is different. I guess they think they are being helpful but to be honest I’d get on better without it - it’s stressing me out so I’m trying to avoid these people. Can anyone offer any help/advice to get them to stop as I feel really frustrated by it.

14 Replies

I've had a few people tell me about their experiences which are more trying to put me off. I just sort of laugh and say ooo don't tell me because I don't want to know then laugh a bit more and they usually stop 😂. I know how annoying it Is! One woman at work who is now nearly 70 and had her daughter about 45 years ago had tried giving me 'advice' and I just laugh and say I don't wanna know, I'm just waiting until he's on his way or I've already spoke to my mum about it n it usually stops her xx

Mothers always love to tell their birth stories lol like you say everyone’s different, everyone pain and threshold is different.

Just say you can’t wait to experience it yourself.

I found nobody actually told me in detail their experiences I think at the time I didn’t believe or want to know but after I had to share it in great detail lol 😂

roxannacar profile image
roxannacar in reply to gcw104

Lol yeah I quite like talking about mi birthing experiences lol it's just a very special moment I suppose

gcw104 profile image
gcw104 in reply to roxannacar

I think all mams do it’s an experience like no other lol

Everyone is different Hunni and they shouldn’t be telling you there horror stories regarding birth especially first time mothers ! I’ve got 3 daughters and everyone of them have been different so you can never prepare yourself for their births and for me the scary part is hearing everyone else giving birth ! Just shrug their stories off hun they’re not you and vice versa you know yourself and body so just smile or tell them you don’t mean to be harsh or rude but can we leave the stories til you’ve given birth to compare.

Congratulations and all the best with being a mummy x

Thanks ladies,

I’m just getting fed up with things like my mother-in-law saying... “you’re husband was 10lb when I gave birth to him so...” Ohh, gee thanks for that! He was her third and my response may have appeared harsh but I was really pi**ed off. I said “everything is relative” as I’m half her size.

Most people wanting to offer their experience had their children 10 plus years ago. My close friends have been great and kept details to themselves.

The medical world and advice from Midwives changes and continues to develop and improve.

I just wish they’d keep a button on it. I’m not one for sharing so will be keeping my experience to myself. It’s for me and my husband. It’s maybe just me but I just don’t feel the need to tell everything, warts and all, especially to first time mums. I’m frightened enough as it is 😳.

How annoying! Let them have their piece and let it go in one ear and out the other! At the end of the day you're going to have your own experience and it will be what it's going to be. As long as you are feeling OK, that's what's important.

I'm due in a month and astonishingly I have no fear at all. I mean millions of women go through birth every single day. It's happening all the time. It's the most natural thing and you're gonna be fine. Thankfully all the ladies in my life haven't been volunteering unhelpful opinions but I think even if they were I feel confident in my body and this baby is gonna come somehow!!

Good luck anyway. Hope you have a great and memorable experience.

in reply to Kempton

Thank you. I’m due in just over 3 weeks and up until now I have been fine. I think I had a bit of a wobble today and lost the plot a little plus I’m having lots of crazy/surreal dreams. I do think the same as you, in that, there’s no going back and I have every faith in my body (touch wood!) At the moment everything is going well and is heading in the right direction - literally!

We WILL be fine. Wishing you a great experience too. All the best.

Bless you! Unsolicited advice is so annoying and more often than not unhelpful. To be honest it doesn’t get any better when they’re born. Then you get advice on how to raise your baby! I say the direct approach is best. Be up front and say you don’t want to know.

I’m awake now because I’m having awful nightmares (36 weeks pregnant with my second). It sucks! What I will say is it’s crazy how all the rubbish pregnancy symptoms, pains etc instantly go after baby is born.

Having been through labour once already I’m much more relaxed about giving birth second time than I was the first time round. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought. Exactly what you say, your body just know what to do. It’s pretty incredible really!

Glad everything is going well for you! You’ll be meeting your little one soon and that is the best thing in the world!

Becca x

roxannacar profile image
roxannacar in reply to

Heh just be careful no 2 was a lot quicker with me! Called the midwives telling them 5 mins contractions etc told me come in but might send u back... cheeky midwife at 6:30am told me (before examining me) ahh you look very comfortable might have to go back home (i was 5cm) at 7:20 my waters went and could t help but pushing, at 7:40 I had a baby in my arms at 2pm I was back home ... lol I was hoping for an epidural

in reply to roxannacar

Haha! The quicker the better! I also “plan” to have another epidural....i’ll be hunting down the anaesthetist the moment i’m wheeled into that suite! 😂 I’m sure this little one will have different ideas though! X

roxannacar profile image
roxannacar in reply to

Yep... I was like epidural plz in triage but I knew it was unlikely partly because the midwives have their hand over at 7... haha I was in triage being wheeled on a bed to the labour ward (there was a short corridor between the two wards) screaming like a crazy person wrapped in a bed sheet as my trousers had been removed 😮honestly it's all a bit of a blur, must have been quite funny in hindsight... the midwives said that's baby no2 for you... they're quick...

Tbh I would have appreciate advice. I had a traumatic experience that I was not prepared for amd wish I had known more x

I have been slightly the opposite and been actively asking for people’s birth stories to prepare me for every eventuality as people seem to be trying to keep the details from me! I am a worrier though and feel I need to know as much as possible so I can feel prepared (this is also probably why some people have been cagey about details).

There’s been a few ‘horrors’ (some I didn’t actually ask to know about) but I have been trying to ignore those and concentrate on the factual information and the people who have pointed out the really good bits and highlighted the fact they had positive experiences despite some things ‘going wrong’, or not being what they expected or wanted.

Just explain you don’t want to know as you’ve been told various things already so feel prepared but now is the time for you to concentrate on being as calm and positive as you can up until you have the baby so you’d appreciate words of encouragement instead. Or you could be really blunt like I was with my mum and a colleague when they were giving me advice I didn’t ask for and say something like, that’s fine but that was then and this is now, things have changed in the last twenty to thirty years. Harsh but it shut them up.

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