NCT

No idea what to do

So ladies in 24 weeks pregnant and I have an abusive partner.. not physical but emotionally .if I ask him to do one simple task her hurls abuse swearing, slamming doors, yelling etc. one day he got so angry the look In his eyes were so fierce I was actually scared. I suffer from anxiety and I really don’t want to be a single mum but I’m super scared my partner is going to be violent around our child to. Please ladies I need advice ?!

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Do you have Any other family that you can stay with?

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Yes I do which I’m so lucky to have there. I know what I should or need to do but I don’t wanna lose him but I know I’m better off

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Yes unfortunately he seems rather unstable so I think for your safety you need to leave.

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I had this years ago with my ex but luckily wasn’t married or had kids with him. For your own sanity you need to get out I’m so glad I did and now realise how bad he was. I haven’t had one proper argument with my husband in seven years and I feel so much more confident in myself. I thought I loved him but realise I was just scared of being on my own xx

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That sounds horrible, I honestly don’t understand why or how people can be so cruel. This is my second abusive relationship and sometimes ya get get fed up. And yes I’m scared of being alone especially with my anxiety I don’t want to go down hill again xx

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I know what you mean. I was terrified of being alone but luckily I actually just met my now husband who then told me he had feelings for me and it gave me the boost I needed to leave my ex. Although was a lot of hassle as he accused me of cheating putting it all over Facebook etc. If you can leave then try for your sake and then your baby will hopefully help with your anxiety as you’ll have them to focus on xx

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Thanks hun I’m glad your in a better position now sounds like your happy :) I just keep asking why me?! Is it me?! Maybe I deserve it?! Just question marks running through my mind. But your right my baby’s safety is on the line here and that’s not a position to play with xx

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That’s how they want us to think but you definitely don’t deserve it and you need all the help and support when the baby comes and he probably won’t be able to provide it. I hope you find the strength to leave but I understand how hard it is xx

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Well. I was told that I deserve to be abused!!!! So not surprised if you feel it. That's exactly what the abuser thinks and what he wants you or us to know and believe.

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED.

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Hunni if he loves you and his unborn then he should move out and seek professional help before he becomes a father ! If he doesn’t except then for your sake and your unborn you will have to become a single parent it’s lonely sometimes but ten times better and healthier for you and little one , you can get support and help for anxiety too.

I was in one of those relationships one day it turned and he put he’s hand on me I left when my daughter was 6 months old and now she’s 15 as he didn’t have anything to do with her . Wish you the very best xx

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As the others have said I think you need to leave for both yours and you baby’s sake. Easier said than done I know! Hope you find the strength to leave, good luck! Xx

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You can be a fantastic Mom even if you are single! Its all about putting you and your little baby first. I know it must be so hard and scary but I think you know you are probably best off on your own. And you will be free to meet someone else when the time is right. Stay safe and have a bag packed in case you need to leave in a hurry. We are all here for you xx

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Thank you everyone for your advice! It’s really tough to leave someone your meant to love so much and are meant to be there to support us but then some males just aren’t like that I guess :(

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Go to a midwife appointment on your own and speak to your midwife, they will be able to give you some help and advice. I remember them checking with me in my booking appointment if I felt I was in an abusive relationship. Sounds like you definitely need to be somewhere safer when you are so vunerable, especially when the baby arrives.

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Yeah hun I’m in the process of seeing a mental health nurse and she’s referred me into relationships Australia so I need to call them but I’m also scared of doing that. It means everything’s getting real and it is serious 😟

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It will be scary but sounds like good progress. Hope you get plenty of help and support. Good luck with the little 1 x

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Thank you so much appreciate it x

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Hi I was in you place 7years ago and I will admit I didn’t leave I was to scared of being alone and I loved him. I stayed and he escalated the first time he actually spilled over into physical violence I was 37 weeks pregnant and I just couldn’t face being alone so I still stayed. I convinced myself I was staying for the baby that two parents were better than one. I stayed we had a second child together and although I love them both and wouldn’t be without them for the world I do now realise that I stayed for me not them, because I was scared but over time things got worse and worse until I realised if I didn’t leave it would be my own fault if he did something irreversible. Nearly three years later he still plagues me he has little or no interest in his children unless he can use them to hurt me and tormenting me is his favourite thought. I realise now that he will never change as he doesn’t believe his behaviour is wrong. I wish I had left before my son had seen anything as this is my biggest regret. This is just my story, yours may not go this way but think carefully make the decision for you and your baby and be honest with yourself. Good luck and you will be ok!

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Oh hun that’s absolutely horrible I’m so sorry you had to go through that :( it sounds like you done the right thing in the long run! May I ask if your in another relationship now?

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It was awful and I realise now that he will always find a way to still bother me mostly because he can play on my memories of what was, but I no longer live there, and as much as he hates it he has no control over me anymore. Of course you can ask and yes I am it came when I least expected it and to be honest when the last thing in the world I ever wanted was a man. But he is wonderful he has helped me more than I can ever say, I went to counselling and delt with lots of my anxiety issues and self doubt because of his support. I cannot tell you how terrified I was of starting a new relationship, I wondered if I would follow a pattern and he would turn out to be the same type of man but he is so different. But then so am I my eyes are wide open and life is full of possibilities. He is also wonderful with my kids who both adore him

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My kids seeing abuse is my biggest regret too. I felt that I let them down, that I am bot a capable mum that chose the right father for them. I thought they loved him too but they were only acting as if they did to keep him happy and not making him get even angrier!!!! They only told me after I separated from him!!!!

I have always been honest and truthful with them so they learned right from wrong and that helps too.

It is people like us that get abused as the abuser uses our conscience to control us....

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Yes he’s always going to have your children to hurt you with. That’s not a real man :( sounds like you have had it very tough!! This is my second abusive relationship and I really struggled to get out of the first one so this ones just gunna be as hard as there’s a baby involved and money etc..

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Hey I’m a single mother of a 10 month old and 21 weeks pregnant, my ex was a miserable moody controlling angry shit! He only added to my anxiety. Wondering what mood will he be in today. Let me tell you now, you’ll be SO much happier without him, you can be yourself. Babies pick up on this sort of thing. Do not let his negative bullying self ruin your precious first moments with your baby. Get out xx

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No mum wants to be alone. I have been there too and am so thankful for my now supportive partner. I too had an emotionally abusive husband and it was very hard and I felt very very lonely. So when you say; you don't want to be a single mum.....think about if you aren't already!

It is much harder to live as if you have support but you are being abused than to be on your own and have just you to deal with (and the baby). What you do now is only postponing the inevitable. He acts like an untamed toddler and believe it or not his mind is in that infantile toddler stage still (in an adult body).

Get yourself a copy of "Why does he do that" from Lundy Bancroft and it will hopefully empower you.

If you leave him, do it now. With a baby later on it will be much more difficult and you will be mote emotional. If you think of breastfeeding it....you need all the peace and help on earth...He will be a huge hindrance to the best nurishment a baby deserves.

You have family so you are almost there. I had family visiting from abroad but otherwise on my own....

All the best. You aren't the first nor the last.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

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