Urgent appeal from a new breastfeeding mom: I need some... - NCT

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Urgent appeal from a new breastfeeding mom

Shazia66
Shazia66

I need some help and support with regards to my dire situation. I’m in a court battle with my soon to be ex husband at the Swansea, UK court over our 3 month old son. Alot has happened and now the judge has ordered for my baby to have 2 overnight stays with the father for almost 24hrs. I am fully breastfeeding my son and he only has formula when with his dad. The judge said breastfeeding isn’t a reason to not separate a mother and child and that kids in general are fussy and babies are adaptable. They have not looked at the best interests of the baby ir how being apart from me will affect him. His judgements have been cruel and in the favor of the abusive father. He did not bother to understand what happens when babies are separated from their mothers. The father looks to his family members to look after the baby. He refuses to give me my electric breast pump that I left behind with all my belongings at his family home.. so he bought me a cheap £10 manual pump just to be spiteful and to prove his horrific character. I am afraid that they are feeding my son weaning milk and are just trying to separate us or compromise our bond, that's the kind of despicable human beings they are. I am petrified about being apart from my baby. No one has ever bothered about me having swollen leaking breasts or that it is affecting mine or my child's health as we have both been to the doctor before. I also incurred mastitis soon after giving birth due to the stress from my husband. The father wants full custody of our son and basically wants to disregard and dispose of me completely. Im suffering such a corrupt injustice at the mercy of these courts and am left extremely helpless. I really need help and support whatever and wherever possible. Please get back to me as soon as possible.

12 Replies
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I am so sorry to hear that so soon after having your baby you are going through such a difficult time when having such a small baby to look after is so challenging in itself. Firstly try as hard as you can to focus on the moments when you are with your baby, be as present as you can as time goes quickly, try and enjoy each bit as much as possible. Secondly speak to the best family solicitor you can find in your area. Thirdly you may like to read this article laleche.org.uk/breastfeedin...

As hard as it may be please try not to let this terrible experience come between you and your beautiful baby, they will only ever have one mother x

Thank you so so much for this article it is EXACTLY what i been looking for and im using this to revoke this order!!! Thank u!!!! Xxx

Really sorry to hear this and totally understand where you are coming from. Here is an article I've found peterhaiman.com/articles/ef...

I would find a human rights solicitor and discuss your case. After all the right is in the best interest of the child's welfare and this sounds to me like it isn't. There should be rules and laws supporting breastfeeding and separation. I'm sorry I can't help more but fight it all the way. Good luck

hi hun am really sorry you are going through such a difficult time, i know a bit about abusive relationships and mind, emotional control too, i left my ex and have a new partner now,we went through the courts too and we had a sympathetic and worthy judge, sounds like you havent whatsoever, and if i were you i would definitely ask for a change of judge on the grounds that he is not impartial in the way that he is totally unsympathetic in the natural mother and baby bond, which has been proven imperative to the baby in terms of stability and emotional and physical growth. I would go to CAB to see what advice they can give you. I would also get a family lawyer, i would stay calm and positive and strong which shows how much of a loving, considerate and worthy mother you are, above all do not let anyone put you down or make you feel worthless, trust me, as i have been on the freedom programme for domestic violence and helped a lot to know that i was not alone and neither are you. Take care and stay strong, any other advice or anything then get in touch x

Are these 2 overnight stays a week or a month? I really can see how this is awful for you, my son was 2 when we went to court and he got every other weekend... so battaling it out over such a young baby is awful, but I can assure you that even if your baby stops breast feeding cause of the stays with it’s dad doesn’t mean Your bond with your child will be any less!! You are that child’s mother and always will be!! You still have the baby the majority of the time. You need to look on that as a positive. And if your baby comes back and you have any concern about it’s welfare (not being looked after properly) you can stop the visits and apply for a court order to go back to court. But be careful to do it out of worry for your child not to stop him seeing your child. He can’t do anything if you stop the child going over, police can’t do anything cause it’s a civil matter all he can do it go back to court too. I really do feel for you, it must be awful but remember that Kids always love their mummies! And that a baby this young luckily can’t be poisoned by what people say. So now is the time to let everything calm down and become amicable cause once that baby can understand what’s being said that’s when kids start to choose sides x

Ignore you aren’t getting legal help you really should be. This sounds v unusual. Have you seen a family lawyer? Or the CAB?

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice it's really appreciated! It has been absolutely horrendous as I am a foreigner here and I have no one to turn to and am just waiting to get permission to leave with my baby. My solicitor who i have thru legal aid has been really slow and gotten me nowhere which is really disappointing. He's paying for his legal so he gets great service and they get him what he needs, it's all in the best interest of the father not the baby. The male judge is supposed to be a pragmatic one but he is very far from it! Been told its smells of corruption:( im just dying without my lil one, cant help but imagine what must be going through his head and just praying he is safe and not stressed looking for me. Its such a defeating feeling because nothing in court has worked for me. Im literally destitute with no food or money, he has abandoned us. He wants to exclude me from my son's life, lying about everything in court and getting away with it. Im going to CAB tomorrow to discuss and i plan on writing a complaint about the judge as he has humiliated me more than once in court. If you have any other advice or help to give me please let me know im trying to gather some support for womens/mothers rights and breastfeeding. Xx

Lyndsaytw79
Lyndsaytw79 in reply to Shazia66

Shazia you can claim benefits honey, when you speak to CAB ask them what you could be entitled to. I hate thinking of you suffering this way with no food. Your husband sound like an evil pig who is doing all of this to hurt you! Keep talking to us on here, don’t suffer in silence. My heart breaks for you xxx

Hi there dear friend. I know that this is cheese and all that but I am in tears right now. You are going through some tough times... I am really, really sorry about this whole thing. Your ex seems to be a monster, may God punish him for this. I know that this is hard but please try to maintain your calm! I think you need a better lawyer asap! Usually these services are expensive but I have an Idea. Have you ever thought about starting a gofundme? It can really help you to find an attorney that will be able to turn things around. Here is the website: gofundme.com/ ! Just put your story out. I know I will donate at least as much as I can. I am sorry if I said something I should had not... I sincerely am just trying to help you dear. God bless you and may you win the lawsuit! Lost of hugs and kisses xoxxo

This is absolutely outrageous and the judge sounds like a complete arsehole!!! Did you have legal representation for yourself? Bless you this is so awful to hear! How can he possibly say this? I’m disgusted. This is a time when you should be enjoying your baby not have this horrible stress.

Iv been to CAB, they've said the case is too complexed for them to advise on so they pushed me onto one stop shop. So this has basically happened to me with every organization or agency I've contacted, it just seems like no one wants to or can offer me anything. Iv taken numerous loans which im now depleted off. They judge told me to sell my wedding rings which i did but not peanuts for but that is the money i am living on. Im starting to get so fed up of this situation its so draining im exhausted but i cant give up my baby. I never will!!! They'll have to kill me if they want him! My husband wants the baby for his mother to care for him so she has been instigating all the way and probably funding his legal to fight me! I also dont have any warm winter clothes as they've basically 'stolen' ALL my personal belongings including my underwear. They refusing to give me anything. These people are so evil and calculated it gives me a sick feeling. I tried gofundme but I couldn't set up the account part so it didn't work. Im trying to get someone else to take on my case but i hope it doesn't slow down anything! Please pray for me that everything works out and i get to go home with my baby xx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Shazia66

Hi

I have been following this post since you started it and would like to say I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

With that out of the way, you have to start to try to sort out things like money, clothes and living situation for you and your baby. I dont know if you have advice about benifits but i would suggest you try to get a job. I know its not wat you want to hear right now but if there is no evidence that your partner/husband is abusive, judge will have to place your child with him cos he has a stable home and family support and as you wrote you are not in very good place . Also, you trying to take the child out of country permanently doesn't go down well with family judges because they are trying to preserve child's relationships with both parents. You should try to offer reasonable time for your ex to be able to see his son. Do you have a social worker? If not, contact your health visitor amd get a refferal because they are there to help you with issues like housing etc.

But for now, dont be shy to ask for help from Women's aid and food banks. No one should suffer in silence

I hope you will succeed.

Wish you all the best

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