Mixture of feelings.

I’ve done a test this morning which has came back that I am pregnant 3+ me and my partner went through a early miscarriage approximately two months ago. - and the only reason I checked was because I’ve not had a period since the misscarriage.

My partner and I, had planned to move out of our rented place and too move back into my mums to save up a healthy deposit, but I know it will be a awkward to put my mum in that situation and I know my partner doesn’t want to do that,

I’m so worried about telling him, and I don’t know how to tell him because I know he won’t be happy. - where I’m scared of having to go through a misscarriage again. - any hints, tips and support would be great. - as the only person I could talk to is his sister, but he wouldn’t appreciate me telling her, as she would be getting married in Cyprus in may so would that put a stop to us going there too...

42 Replies

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  • Why can't you tell your mum?

  • I’ve spoken to my mum about it this morning, but meeting her for lunch this afternoon

  • That's good then. I'd talk to her about it as she knows you and your partner more. In the meantime, start on the folic acid if you haven't already. I'm sure it'll all be fine. He can't be too cross- if he really didn't want a baby now he ought to have done something to prevent it. It isn't like he can blame you for it.

  • Yes I will do thank you, it was a shock this morning, just don’t know how to tell him again

  • I know the feeling hun. We lost our first in December last year, found out I was pregnant again in the April and we lost again a few days later. We then booked a holiday to Croatia in the July to give us some time away together. Shortly after we got back, I discovered I was pregnant and I'd got caught end of June which was nearly 3 months after we'd lost our second. Me and my partner did the test together and we were so happy but then I just cried with fear it would happen again. I'm now nearly 16 weeks and baby is absolutely fine :).

    Just talk to your partner about it hun and explain how you feel. My partner has been my rock even though it turns out he's as scared as me. Although my family and close friends have been amazing, no one understood as good as my fiancé as he's been through it too. I've suffered with depression and anxiety since we lost our angels so I know how hard it is. I'm sure your partner will be as happy and as scared as you are but together, you can get through it.

    Thinking of you hun and I hope everything works out for you xx

  • Thank you, yeah I’ve noticed my anxiety has been crazy, but it’s only been like six weeks, and I’m so scared it’s going to happen today. - and I feel I just want his support, but we’re back at square one. - I’m just worried about how to tell him again, I know it’s not just my fault that we’ve got caught, but I feel guilty putting him and me through it again.

  • As hard as it is hun, people have given me the advice that what ever happens is out of my control and that worry isn't getting me anywhere but it can be affecting baby.

    I even said to my fiancé, next time we get pregnant shall I just keep it to myself until the first scan because I didn't want to put him through the worry either but he obviously said no, he wanted to know so we could do it together.

    You'll probably feel like a small weight has been lifted when you tell him hun. A lot of people lose their first then go on to have a healthy pregnancy. Once I became more open about our miscarriages, the amount of people, friends, colleagues that told me they had lost their first or had lost in between their children was unbelievable yet they'd all had healthy pregnancies after. I know that may not ease your fear but you shouldn't be putting all this pressure on yourself hun.

    Hope it all goes well x

  • Thank you so much for your replies, he shall be home soon, so will hopefully sit down and talk about the us and our future, but I know I am keeping this baby, wether he’s going to stand beside me or not x

  • I'm sure he'll be right beside you :). Fingers crossed it all works out for you hun! Let us know how you get on xx

  • Ok- didn’t go down to well with him... we’ve ate tea and not spoke, he’s in the bedroom while I do housework. :-(

  • It's probably shock hun. He may be just as scared as you but doesn't want to show it. Give it some time to sink in n he'll come round x

  • I hope so, it’s just making me feel really guilty, I know it’s not what he wants but I will not terminate this baby. I just hope everything goes okay!

  • You shouldn't feel guilty hun. You haven't done anything wrong. It takes 2 to make a baby. Hope it gets sorted :)

  • Thank you- what would you suggest being my next step? I’ve stated the folic acid again, shall I book into a midwife? Shall I ask for a blood test? I just need to know that I’m not loosing my mind, I’m sure it’s a whole new pregnancy from the miscarriage, but we’ve caught so soon after! Shall I get it checked! I’m so unsure on what to do next

  • Yeah you can book in with the midwife hun. They usually see you between 7 and 10 weeks I think but it's good to get the ball rolling :). They will usually do your blood test and everything when you see the midwife x

  • I'm sorry you have gone through all this. But you need to be honest with your partner. Your best bet is to go to your gp. And talk to someone. This site is brilliant. Please stay in touch x

  • I’d book in with GP and midwives. They might want to do an early scan to tell how far you are since you’re unsure on dates.

    Don’t you feel guilty for anything at all. It takes two. You’re not being moody with him so he’s no right to be moody with you. Stay strong, you will be fine, with or without him. All the best and congratulations x

  • Thank you all for comments.

    Would there be any chance that it could still be from the old pregnancy. When I had the misscarriage the woman at the hospital informed me that after three weeks I would become fertile again, so on... but I’m just worried that it’s not real, and the test I done yesterday morning was 3+.

    I just think I’m over thinking everything, and panicking over anything, I’m going to get hold of my Doctors tomorrow x

  • It's always possible hun but I doubt it. We had our second miscarriage in April and I conceived again in June and I'm now 16 weeks with a healthy pregnancy.

    They say to use precaution after a miscarriage as you're extremely fertile so it is quite likely you've got caught after your miscarriage. I know people who got caught within the month after losing. It's good you're going the doctors, it'll put your mind at ease :) xx

  • Yeah it’s been about six weeks I think, I’m so terrible with dates 😑. I just want to get to the stage of where I can get excited, and relax but I don’t think that will happen this time. I just hope my Doctors will be supportive and help me out a bit x

  • You'll always have that worry in your mind because of the pain you've gone through. It's normal. When we first went for our scan I kept saying what if the baby's not there and I've got it wrong, What if they tell me our baby has no heartbeat again but everything is fine :). How's your partner doing? Hope they get it all sorted for you! Wishing you and baby the best! X

  • Yeah, well I guess it’s time will tell, which is horrid haha! And well... after not talking much last night, it’s just going to take time to get his head around, which I guess he has nine months to do. - but I don’t know what I would of done without this site and you lovely people commenting and helping even if it’s only been 48hours. A long long way to go yet! X

  • That's good that he's slowly coming round. Exactly! I'm sure he'll grow to love the idea, like you said he has 9 months! I'm just so glad everything is coming together for you! X

  • Exactly, well I’m going to contact the Doctors first thing, and see if I can get in for a blood test today if so that’s when I can fill out the midwife forms, I just have everything crossed it will all be okay x

  • Hope all went well at the doctors hun! Hope you and baby are doing well xx

  • Hello,

    Doctors got me to contact a local midwife where she said it could he from the last pregnancy but it could also be a new pregnancy. And for me to do another test in a couple of weeks. So I went ahead and booked a midwife appointment which is the 9th of November, so will do some tests before then. - but I’m getting symptoms, such as morning sickness which lasts most of the day and a lot of feeling sick that lasts all day. So I am hoping it’s a new pregnancy, hope you are okay!! X

  • It's good you've got the ball rolling! I'm praying for you it's a new pregnancy! It sounds like it! I had sickness most the day when I was in the early stages too! I'm good thank you hun! We have our private scan on Saturday which will reveal the gender too so I think I'll relax a bit more once I've seen him/her again xx

  • Yeah a lot of my symptoms stopped after the misscarriage, so a massive part of me feels it’s a new pregnancy!

    Ah how exciting for you!! I’m so tempted to pay for an early scan to put my mind at ease! You’ll have to update me on how the scan goes!!

  • When will you get confirmation? We paid for an early scan to put our minds at ease and it was such a good decision. It worth it if it plays on your mind.

    Thanks hun! Will do! X

  • I honestly think they will make me hold out until the scan... tempted to book an early scan just to keep my mind at rest x

  • I think they will hun. We asked if I could be scanned more regularly because we've miscarried twice n they said no because we haven't lost 3. It's always good if you're worrying, plus they'll be able to tell you roughly how far along you are :) xx

  • Had our scan and everything is perfect! We're having a little boy!

    Hope everything is good with you and your baby! Xx

  • Congratulations!!Yes I’m all good thank you, apart from the sickness but wouldn’t even change that as long as my little bean is still there I’m happy :-) xxx

  • Thank you!

    That's all that matters! Try ginger biscuits or rich tea biscuits :) xx

  • Yeah that’s on my shopping list haha, I had some crackers earlier, and Havant been sick since this morning 🙌🏻 Xx

  • That's good! All the best for you both and your partner in the future! Xx

  • Good luck hun with everything

    Sending you a massive hug ❤😗 xxx

  • Thank you, contacted a local midwife and she said it could be still hormones from the misscarriage, or it could be a new pregnancy, but said a blood test wasn’t needed 😐 - Was adviced to do the same as last time and do a test in a couple of weeks. - I am getting pregnancy symptoms, feeling sick all day, and being sick... so I feel like I just need to treat this like a new pregnancy and hope for the best

  • Oh hun, what a time your having of it all. I miscarried my first pregnancy last friday and im just at that inbetween stage where im still devastated but cant wait to try again. Fingers crossed for you this time, will be thinking of and praying for you. Try to get your partner out for a night, a nice meal somewhere to talk it through, he might just be worried about seeing you upset again? Men are funny buggers when it comes to showing/talking about feelings. Hope all turns out well xxx

  • Yeah it’s been a very rough couple of weeks, I feel your pain, and I know the mixture of feelings you must be going through. Here if you wanted to talk :-)

    I was hoping for a bit more from the doctors but I’ve bought some more tests for the next couple of weeks, - as my midwife is the 9th November it’s panicking me.

    Let’s just say- this time round, the morning sickness, and nausea is so much worse, and it’s all day 🤢

    When the time is right (if there is ever that time) is when I’ll speak to my partner I don’t want him to come round to the idea again and then I have another misscarriage.

    Sorry for the long post, but this site is the only place keeping me sane and actually the only place I can talk about this crazy adventure!!

  • I know what you mean, at least people on here have actually experienced the same or similar and you dont want to punch them in the face for saying something like "its just one of those things" lol.

    Im here for you too, as im surd many others on here are, its a lot to go through especially on your own if your not telling him yet.

    Keep your chin up sweetie xxx

  • The one that got me was the whole “it obviously wasn’t meant to be” I was told that the day after my misscarriage in Work by a manager, I felt like walking out tbh!!

    I’ve told him, but he won’t talk about it, he’s stressing about money and our housing as he wanted to be saving for a mortgage. - we had a mini argument this morning where I think I’ve made me point clear but I know nothing will change. - he knows where the door is if he can’t accept me and the baby, or he has to grow up and starting acting like th man I thought I loved... hard truth x

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