Annoyed at partner dictating what I eat

Anyone else have a partner who is constantly dictating to you what you can and can’t eat during pregnancy?

Huge row this morning in the supermarket because I wanted some seafood rice for lunch and I was screamed at as it’s not healthy! I have to ask permission for a chocolate biscuit these days.Its really getting me down.I live abroad and when I visited the UK recently to see family it was great as I could eat what I wanted and I actually gained some weight.And I’m not eating unhealthy..salad,fruit,jacket potatoes.I don’t even eat McDonalds!

He’s on a liquid diet twice a day and eats healthy 24/7..I just can’t live like that.Im only 8 stone,12 weeks pregnant and if I want 1 can of Diet Coke surely I should be allowed one. Any advice ladies..it’s really getting me down

32 Replies

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  • Hi! Congratulations on your baby! Do you have a midwife? If so take him with you to the appointment and ask her what you can eat! Mine said we can eat everything as usual if we have wishes we should get them, there's just some food you really can't eat like raw food (some sushi or runny eggs e.g.) or eat liver (very high on vitamin A). Other than that you can also check the nhs website

    nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy...

    Surely he won't contradict what the health entities advise!

    Good luck

  • Hi Munyze..thanks for your reply.Of course he knows best..I can’t get a word in.Even when I was pretty ill with morning sickness I was told off for eating a croissant.Its upsetting me as I have to ask permission to eat foods and what I want I’m not allowed.

    My mother lived on rhubarb tarts when she was expecting me in the 70’s,I was her first at 38 and I was born with no problems..

  • Apart from mercury content found in some fish like swordfish & shark, you can eat pretty much anything you want.

    Food noted as being ones to avoid are usually unpasteurised things as they will contain higher quantities of bacteria like unpasteurised cheese, also undercooked eggs as they may contain salmonella. Basically anything that might give you food poisoning as when you have a high temperature and your body is under stress this can impact the baby, they are usually a couple of degrees hotter than you anyway when they are all cosy inside the womb so when you get a temperature it can really effect them.

    Eating a well balanced diet when pregnant will help provide the baby with all the nourishment it needs and help you keep your energy levels manageable as it can be very tiring especially if you aren't eating enough. The baby will take what it needs from your reserves, what you eat then replenishes these. Taking a good multi vitamin can also help alongside a varied balanced diet.

    You will naturally put on weight during your pregnancy and whilst you don't want to over eat, eating well during this time and looking after your self are things I'm sure you know how best to manage for yourself rather than being managed for by someone else.

    Do what feels right for you and your baby 😘

  • Sounds a bit controlling. Mind you of he's that strict on his diet he's probably thinking you should be too. Id eat fish and chips infront of him and dare him to say anything. Being sick and food turning your stomach is something he obviously can't comprehend.

    My husband is away at the moment and i just entered the third trimester and have no appetite. He kindly phoned me and told me he googled on the nct website I was supposed to eat protein. I told him if he wanted me to eat protein then he could fly back from Australia and cook me a chicken breast. If that wasnt an option for him then he was to shut up as it wasn't exactly earth shattering advice.

    Normal weight gain is 12kg for pregnancy, eat what you want and tell him to jog on.

  • Hi emmab178,Thanks for your reply.Youre right in what you’re saying.My partner lives on 2 shakes a day because he is slightly overweight..I’m 8 stone and I need to eat.When I visited the U.K. to see family I felt great as they encouraged me to eat good food and I felt great,also if I wanted 1 can of ginger ale I could have it without being told off.

    I just had a carton of blueberries which I love and got told off because apparently I only like them because they’re full of sugar! This is what I’m up against..its stressing me out too much and so I ended up in tears earlier.

    I’m 38 and pregnant with a much wanted child and wanted this to be an enjoyable experience..unfortunately even wanting a chocolate biscuit is enough to send him into a rage..

    Unfortunately I have a partner who always has to be right regardless of what my gp or the nhs says..it’s really hard

  • Maybe you need to be blunt with him and tell him what you have written here

  • That’s awful. Also what’s blooming wrong with blueberries they are a superfood!

    I’m not surprised you ended up in tears this guy sounds like an ar$e.

    Is he going to dictate what the baby eats ignoring all medical advice aswell?

  • I’m sitting here in tears..he doesn’t even acknowledge that he has upset me.

    Fed up and I’ve got my 12 week scan tomorrow.

    I’m starting to think he is a right ar$¥ now!!

  • Think everyone on here is also thinking he's an ar$ehole and see him as a nutter. As my step dad always used to say "don't let the b@$tard get you down".

    12 and 20 week scan's are the best as they are all wriggly and fit onto the scan screen perfectly.

    I just had a 30 week scan and couldn't pick out anything apart from when i got a kick and saw the feet do it. The woman had to point everything else out!

    Hope you have a wonderful scan. Go eat what you want and forget what this idiot says.

  • Thankyou emmab178 :) Youve really helped cheer me up tonight.

    I can’t wait to have the scan.I had one at 6 weeks 4 days so am slightly nervous about this one as I hope everything is ok so fingers crossed.

    I’m sure you can’t wait to have yours.I will let you know how I get on tomorrow xx

  • We will definately need an update. Keep your chin up x

  • If he's this controlling now imagine what it will be like when the baby comes!!!! He will be telling you how to feed, how to change them what to put on them etc, I think you should summon all your strength and tell him straight. What if he says you can't let people help out or let the baby go to family for you to rest. You don't want your little one being controlled, do you??? Everything in moderation is the key, I think he's jealous of the fact your slim and he's not, sort it now sweetheart before it gets to be more of a problem xxx

  • A kind interpretation is that he is trying to be a part of the pregnancy by having some control. But the effect isn't acceptable - he's being controlling and it's not okay. His food insecurities are his and his alone.

    I agree with Emmab178 on this one. Can you write how you feel in a letter if he won't listen to you and go and stay with a friend or relative for a couple of days while he digests what you have to say? I don't think you should be expected to put up with this or with the stress of it.

    On a happier note I hope you enjoy the scan tomorrow.

  • I'm out of kind interpretations. Can i blame the hormones? I'm raging at the moment on anything and everything.

    My mate did say pregnancy starts just making you say exactly what you think with no filter. It's a good job i work from home as my mum and OH are just about tolerating my poor behaviour.

    Maybe i need more exercise. Might go swimming tomorrow and see if i can snap myself out of it

  • Hi.

    This was something I was completely dreading when I found out I was pregnant as my partner is a dietitian; however he's actually been really understanding.

    There is absolutely nothing healthy about a liquid diet, it shouldn't be done for weight loss and it certainly shouldn't be done during pregnancy. Its not what our bodies are designed for. You can tell him that to shut him up. Its is absolutely the worst way to lose weight as you just gain it all when you start eating normally.

    You do need to remember that chocolate contains caffeine; I'm allowed either tea or chocolate each day, its a hard decision. Other than the obvious raw egg, liver, coffee, undercooked meat (I'm veggie anyway) I'm allowed to eat what I want, except any processed food but I haven't eaten anything like that since we met. If you want any advice or anything about nutrition then you can always ask me, he's pretty good :)

  • Easy get decaff tea so you can have chocolate 😊

  • Hi hun. Sorry this relationship doesn't sound good at all...he should be supporting you and not stressing you like this. Has he always been like this? Xx

  • You poor thing! I’d go mad if anyone told me not to eat what I want/feel I need. . . Especially blueberries (sounds like he doesn’t understand healthy eating himself - natural sugars are good, processed sugars are bad)! But it does also sound like you’re giving him control when you say you ask him if you can have a biscuit etc. It’s your body and your body will tell you what you need, and if the odd biscuit or can of coke is what you fancy then just have it, as an adult you don’t need to ask permission, what are the repercussions if you go against his word? He needs to know that nothing that you eat (except what people mentioned before like unpasteurised dairy, swordfish etc) is going to harm your baby as much as the stress he’s causing you.

    I’m just behind you at 11 weeks and I went a whole week being able to stomach nothing but salt and vinegar crisps and rich tea biscuits so you’re doing well! Don’t let him make you feel like you’re not! I hope you get it sorted and enjoy your scan!

  • Btw a few people have mentioned not eating raw eggs - there is a lot of evidence out there that we can eat them as long as they are of a certain standard (which supermarket eggs usually are). So I've gone back to eating runny poached eggs at home. There isn't all that much we can't eat really. Even unpasturised cheese so long as it is hard. And definitely blueberries and the odd biscuit!! google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theg...

    Another thing to think about - what if you have a little girl? If you allow your partner to get away with this, and it goes on after you have your child, is he going to pass on his food issues to the child? There is enough pressure on children (especially girls) regarding being thin and body image - you don't want to add to that by passing on his food issues too.

  • Thankyou everyone for all your kind and helpful comments.I should be allowed to eat what I want and I’mnot exactly eating unhealthy..I eat eggs,Greek yoghurt,tuna,veg,fruit etc and it’s still not enough! Even asking for a bottle of soda water is enough to get him annoyed.

    I don’t know what his problem is but I need to eat and I’m refusing anymore to be reduced to tears if I want something.

    I am so looking forward to my scan today on a brighter note :) xxx

  • Good luck to you sweetly! Hope all goes your way from here forward! I've been craving just 3 or 4 oz of red wine! My boyfriend dares me to even think about it! I know alcohol is bad and should be prohibited! I haven't had any alcohol since I found out I was pregnant! And with all the Morning sickness I didn't want any! He watches me closely and go to all my appointments with me! He bought me a non alcoholic beverage and its still on my counter I don't want it! SO I'm patiently awaiting til dooms day I guess because I plan on breast feeding so even then no alcohol! When can I have just a few oz of red wine ?

  • OK here r few tips

    Buy all chocolate u like put it under your pillow or on the other side of the bed.

    Get a small trunk with a locker write private and confidential notes only on the outside then put all your goodies in it.

    Buy all healthy stuff for the fridge, then hide your cravings behind healthy stuff.

    Be always OK with him saying no and know you'll get it anyway.

    An unhappy mother is an unhappy child. Be happy it's your time to be fat. Xx

  • Hi foxyRoxy11 firstly congratulations on your pregnancy, I agree with the other comments on here you shouldn’t be stressed out while pregnant and you should be able to eat what ever you need or want to eat whilst you are pregnant, your partner should be supporting you along this journey, my husband was so supportive while I was pregnant even if I ate a whole box of chocolates he said nothing 😀... Hope this sorts it self out and hope your scan goes well.

  • How long has he been on this liquid diet? It sounds like he's basically starving himself because once ive done of those shake diets and aren't tog meant to have a healthy meal every day aswell?

    When i start a diet as I start to get rid of the sugar cravings I get cranky. Is this what is happening here?

    Even so he needs to concentrate on his issues and leave you alone. hopefully he's not this controlling on any other aspects of what you do.

    Have fun at the scan x

  • You can eat whatever you like. Junk food preferably minimal. But there are no restrictions to what you eat unless you have specific allergies.

    Enjoy your pregnancy. It's part of a beautiful journey of womanhood. Have a coke if you fancy it. The moods will get cranky. It gets worse as you progress into the later trimesters. Do ask your partner to read up on pregnancy and not be a trigger to your mood swings.

    Do take multivitamins. It is normal to gain weight during pregnancy so don be alarmed. Eating only salads is not going to help with the development of your baby. Besides if your partner has concerns about what you eat then take him along with you when you visit the midwife and have an open conversation. I'm sure she will be able to help you out putting a stop to the dictating.

    All the best and do take care

  • Maybe this sounds harsh but your partner sounds very controlling. Yes it's important to be healthy while pregnant but I think he's taking it to the extreme!!!! You know your body and at 8 stone gaining some weight while pregnant won't be unhealthy. I gained 4 stone on my Daughter and she was born at 9lb and 100% healthy and she still is at 12. I think you should sit him down and tell him that it's your body and if you want a treat then it's not going to harm you or the baby. Is it about the baby or about you gaining weight??? If it's the latter I think you have a partner who is too controlling. Hope everything goes well and things get sorted out, good luck with everything xxx

  • Eat what you like!! Ha I think I told my husband to do one!! I ate all cheeses peanuts and shellfish. What you CANNOT eat If your body needs something then eat it. But a bit of walking is good also. You know the balance ha x x x

  • Ill disagree with you here ... Eating what you want is ok but there are certain things like certain cheeses that can be harmful eg Brie Camembert due to chance contracting listeria.

    Of course it's your choice but if my child was affected because of food choices I don't think I could ever live with myself. I personally don't think it's worth the risk

  • Hi everyone..sorry about my absence.Ive has a week of scans then blood tests/urine samples etc at our hospital in Spain.All good news.Our baby is a little girl due the 8th April.We’re very happy and it’s amazing to see her on screen.Spain is huge into scans every month so another one in 4 weeks.My blood was tested for literally everything (17 things tested) not including urine but we’re glad all is well! :) xx

  • It sounds like your partner is an absolute control freak!! My husband gets me whatever food I can manage and encourages me to eat whatever I want. I would reconsider your relationship. If he is controlling about you eat what else is he going to try to control?

  • Congrats on your baby dear. I am sure that you will make an amazing mum. You partner should learn to be more tolerant. If I was on your place I would have made a huge war by now. You have my respect for controlling yourself! However patience isn't always the answer. Sometimes you have to talk it out. Have you tried to tell him how you feel? If you haven't than do just that! I am sure that your DH will understand you. Try telling him that you appreciate that he wants you to eat healthy! Thing that you should do. It's just that eating is a choice and it is your choice. Nobody gets to dictate that to you... You aren't a child anymore dear. I am sorry if I said something that I shouldn't! God bless you!

  • I would tell your husband to let you be, as long as your taking your prenatal vitamins, drinking plenty of water and avoiding the foods your midwives tell you is not good i.e rawfish, raw egg, certain cheeses etc then he cannot dictate what you eat! While i was pregnant with my little boy i craved a lot of weird foods and as someone who hated salt on my food found i wanted it on every meal, after talking it through with my midwife she said your body craves what it is lacking, i was sodium deficient which is why i felt the need to eat saltier foods! Eating what i want didnt do me or my son any harm as i type this my healthy 2.5mth old is asleep on me after having a bottle. I was 7.5st when i fell pregnant and went up to 9st just before delivery im 2.5mth pp and am 8st but i feel so much healthier and happier for keeping some of my baby weight! Put yourself first as this stress, crying and getting emotional is going to more harmful for you and your little girl than a chocolate biscuit with a soda water is going to be!

    Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy i hope it all goes smoothly for you! And just remember this stress is not good for either of you so please try to communicate this to your husband xxx

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