Breastfeeding : Hi all I'm new to this & looking for... - NCT


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alw1986 profile image

Hi all

I'm new to this & looking for some advice/support!

I have an 8 week old son who is EBF & I have a 3 year old daughter.

I'm exhausted, I feel that word doesn't actually do justice to how I feel actually! My son is constantly on me, I don't get any peace during the day and he wakes often during the night so I'm barely sleeping! I wanted to know from you when did your babies get into a proper feeding routine? Is there anything I could be doing to help him feed less/sleep more?


19 Replies

I EBF my daughter, unfortunately she got ill with meningitis and passed away at 4 weeks 2 days so I didn't get as far as you. However I did find expressing and using the medela Calma teat quite useful for those times during the night when I was so so tired. I was trying to work up to no EBM but I did find it convenient at times. If you have a partner you could then ask them to do a feed but I generally did them myself and he sterilised the bottle/breast pump and got it ready if I needed it. Hope you find a balance.

alw1986 profile image
alw1986 in reply to sweetilemon

I'm so sorry to hear that about your daughter! ❤️

I'll have a look at those teats & give them a go! Thanks

Congratulations on your second baby. It is exhausting having two, but it won't last forever.

Do you have a sling? Do you know how to co-sleep safely? These two things kept me sane when I had my second, who had reflux, so I had to keep him upright for at least half an hour after each feed otherwise he vomited it all back up again.

All babies are different and have their own patterns, its very normal for them to feed often day and night. Can you get support from a local breastfeeding group? Have you got any family or very close friends that could look after the children for a couple of hours so you can have a nap? Ask for help. You can do this. X

alw1986 profile image
alw1986 in reply to

I have one of those stretchy slings & babyway or something he didn't really like either! I cave co-sleep as my daughter still joins me most nights at some point. As I'm so tired sometimes she comes in and I don't even notice so I'm too scared to have him in with me and her not realise he is there! My daughter had silent reflux so I know how you feel there, she couldn't latch on as she had a tongue tie so this a whole new experience for me!

I'm trying to find a support group hoping my HV will get back to me today. The only family I have is my mum who works 60 hours a week and does take my daughter as I haven't managed to express that much as he is constantly feeding that does help a little. I just wish I knew when it was going to get easier.

Thank you for your reply! X

in reply to alw1986

I really feel for you. Both of mine were tongue tied and had to have them cut so I could bf comfortably. It may be he is tongue tied and can't extract as much milk as he needs each feed so feeds more regularly to keep full. There are different types of tongue tie and some babies can bf OK with one while others struggle to even latch on. Please find a lactation consultant to get it checked (a midwife and gp told me my little girl wasn't tongue tied, but a lactation consultant said she was and couldn't believe the medical professionals I'd seen told me she wasn't!)

Get him to poke his tongue out and see if the middle pulls in so it makes a kind of heart shape with the tongue. Listen while feeding him, does he make a clicking noise as he extracts milk. The constant feeding is a sign. Does he always fall asleep while feeding?

Do you have a close friend you trust to sit with your kids downstairs while you go to bed? I took my close friend's 5 week old for a walk while she had a rest, but I appreciate it has to be someone you really trust. Xx

alw1986 profile image
alw1986 in reply to

Aw jeez I hope he doesn't have one as the waiting list for getting them snipped is 8-10 weeks! I'll try find a specialist in my area to get it checked. Yeah 8/10 times he will fall asleep while feeding but as soon as I move him he wakes this can happen after him being on me 5 mins or 20 mins there is no difference. I don't think there is a clicking but I have a slight hearing deficit so I don't know if I would hear that.

It's not that I don't trust any of my friends it's that he constantly cries if he isn't with me so I don't know how that would go with my friends and I'd probably worry the whole time tbh xx

in reply to alw1986

Bless you, its so hard when they cry when they're not with you. Maybe find a local sling meet to check how you were using your stretchy wrap. I'm a baby wearing peer supporter and its amazing how a little tweak by someone who's been trained can help with baby being comfortable and settling in a sling.

See if your health visitor can get you rushed up the waiting list for tongue tie cutting, stress how it's affecting your sleep, his persistent feeding and maybe mention you're concerned about postnatal depression if you're feeling like you can't cope with it - I was definitely on the verge of PND when my first was 6 weeks old and no-one had spotted her tongue tie. I couldn't even face a 3 week wait for hers to be cut so found the funds to get it done privately the day after I'd found out she had it.

You're doing an amazing job, I hated the first 6 months of both my babies lives, it was so hard, I love being a mum now that they are 3 and 5 years old, I feel more like me again rather than just a feeding zombie machine!

alw1986 profile image
alw1986 in reply to

Well a little update for you, my HV was as useful as a chocolate teapot!! I told her I'd tried everything and she kept repeating what I said I'd tried. She said because I'm EBF I can't comfort him properly because I smell like food & after I explained I don't really have support & was thinking of going into formula she just said "well that's not the answer" 😞

I think I've worked out he has colic, infacol works wonders sometimes & others he just screams the house down.

in reply to alw1986

Oh no! I've met a few amazing HV but heard there's lots of chocolate teapots out there.

Glad you've found some relief in the infacol. Things change quickly when they're so little, they're growing so much, it feels like forever. Keep going, you're doing an amazing job.


I was in the same situation with my little boy and kept thinking about stopping but I found that coming up to 3 months he would sleep for 4/5/6 hours at a time at night. This time will pass so quickly, persevere - you are doing so well!

I really do hope it does pass! I don't want to give up but I just can't seem to catch a break just now. He definitely has colic as after speaking to my mum she said it was identical to my brother so trying all the things to help it!!

Hi I would recommend a few things, getting a sling, try a sling library :)

Joining a local bf group

Joining a Facebook bf group

You sound like you're doing really well! The first couple of months are the hardest so well done! X

alw1986 profile image
alw1986 in reply to claire16c

I feel like I'm failing but thank you for your reply & advice x

claire16c profile image
claire16c in reply to alw1986

Oh no how can you be failing?! Sounds like you're doing a fab job to me with a toddler too! Don't be so hard on yourself.

Try lying down in the bed to feed to get a nap if possible.

And it's ok to have a tv day when you're really tired! X

alw1986 profile image
alw1986 in reply to claire16c

TV day? Ha I've had like a TV month

Thank you for your kind reply x

claire16c profile image
claire16c in reply to alw1986

nothing wrong with that either lol! x

Yes congratulations on your new arrival, if it's any consolation at all I'm in a very similar situation with a 2 &1/2 yr old and a 2 month old. Like you my eldest wakes frequently still during the night and my youngest is unpredictable. I might be lucky and get a 4 hour stretch but this is rare. I have tried and still do try different things like using a sling, trying simple routines like bath around a simpler time and getting baby changed for bed then quiet time where I will pretty much sit there feeding him most of the evening until he nods off. Like you we don't have an available support network so I am interested in the responses that you get and also any progress you are able to make 🤗

alw1986 profile image
alw1986 in reply to xvanillaskyx

I'm glad to hear from someone in the same position at the same time! 🤗 we also moved in to a new house and there is still so much to do and I think of that a lot as well as I think if he was bottle fed I'd have time to sort it! X

xvanillaskyx profile image
xvanillaskyx in reply to alw1986

They are little only once, this time will pass quickly although being sleep deprived it is very difficult to believe this 😅 Your doing a fab job juggling everything, I cant imagine how overwhelming it must feel having just moved house. X

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