Failing as a mum

[Monna228]

Hi I'm really struggling as a mum. health issues of my own since 2011 have impacted too much on my children. Really want them all 17 yrs 14 yrs & 4 yrs old to have a holiday and fun but can't afford it. Also do not have any friends or family that can give practical support my health means can't cope with days out or travel alone with them. Social Services do not have any money is what I've been told. I really wish the older two can go away before school starts and just have fun!

[roxannacar]

At 17& 14 they surely can help out themselves with the 4 year old. So maybe you need to talk to them to see if you can arrange days out such as picnics or free parks which shouldn't be expensive, which you can enjoy together. Do an Internet search in days in your area that can be done on the cheap.

I don't think you can expect social services to pay for days out or holidays as they barely have enough money to keep people employed. Although I'm sure there might be children's centres in your areas that might organise play groups at least for the 4 year old.

[Monna228 in reply to roxannacar]

At almost 18 and almost 15 they do take care of the 4 year old this last 14 months has been nothing but them both getting carers

The money is there but local government have ripped off us the voters and the organisations such as children centres social services and the nhs

Plenty money for big fat pay checks for the big wigs

I've worked for my local council 12 years in the education system

I just feel overwhelmed and sad no child should see that

[roxannacar in reply to Monna228]

I'm not sure about where the money is... The system has been underfunded for years, be it health, education social services. Not getting into political arguments. I work in the NHS, the lack of doctors and nurses is bad. So I think if people have to ration on certain health care issues (eg one round of ivf at most for an infertile couple who's jumped all

The hoops) I don't think there is money for people to go on holidays or days out. And there are definitely some that you call having a big fat checks... Not really my place to say if they deserve it or not as I don't know enough about it... But there are also a lot struggling to make ends meet takes to their long pay freezes.

And you're right your 14&17 ur old shouldn't be carers. I don't know your family circumstances and if talking to them at all is an option or the dad. But if so you should involve them and put your own differences aside for the sake of your children.

[Monna228 in reply to roxannacar]

I think everyone in some way or another misunderstood my sharing. I'm one of the last people on earth looking for a hand out. As for trying to talk to family I've tried they have their own issues and families. I won't be sharing or seeking advise on here again. Cos this isn't really for me. So far what I've seen is things that come across as criticism or defensiveness.... sometimes a person just wants to feel not so alone in their struggles. Money isn't the issue.... life is hard financially for lots of people some are worse off than I am....as for the system it is failing a lot of people. I have the greatest respect for people in the nhs and emergency services. We are a privileged society to have all that. It sickens me that everyone is under paid over worked and baring the brunt of the public feeling frustrated.... big cats fat checks....

[Georgina_D]

Could their father help out practically or financially? Your 17 year old is old enough to work and save up too.

I didn't know social services help with holiday funds. Please don't put yourself down.

When I was a child my parents didn't have a lot of money, despite both working long hours. They paid for private maths tuition and swimming lessons which i really appreciated. My first holiday was when I was 18. My childhood was great. A parents love and support means a lot more to a child.

[Monna228 in reply to Georgina_D]

I used to work and didn't need hand outs or help

I worked 40 hrs a week paid for swimming lessons football club kumon

All this I did after a 40 hr week during weekends

We went hill walking bear hunts rambling zoos theme parks everything was done by me packed picnics drive them everywhere Kent isle of wight

Rome Venice Cox bazar

Even now I will pay

money isn't the real issue cos I would do whatever I have to for my

I'm too physically unwell

I have fybromyalgia osteoporosis spinal degeneration in a lot of pain

I just don't have anyone to help me practically

Feeling very isolated and sad

[Mels27]

Aside from the money issues, are you in touch with social services. It sounds like you're children should have a 'children in need' assessment. That won't mean removal but will hopefully open up so finding and support for them as young careers both of yourself and each other.

[marianajess]

Hello.

Back when we were young we may have asked our parents for money to do things, but more often than not we found creative ways to have fun without spending a dime.

At least I know I did. My cousins and I turned their bulkhead cellar doors into a slide—and the main attraction of our DIY amusement park. We turned cardboard paper towel rolls and rice-filled soda bottles into instruments, and entertained ourselves for hours on end. Okay, maybe not hours, but you get the point. We didn’t wait for overtime or vacation weeks to have fun. It didn’t really matter what we did. All that mattered is that we were together, and we were fully committed to enjoying ourselves. I highly doubt I’d spend one of my adult Saturdays banging on a homemade coffee can drum, but there’s something to be said for getting a little creative with your downtime—especially since a lot of us spend a great deal of time immersed in routines and technology.

[Monna228]

I wish my sons would get off their iPad and ps4!!! Luckily I have a medium sized garden and a small children's park 5 mins away. When it rains I encourage my sons to go out and enjoy the puddles with wellies on. I have always enjoyed gardening and my eldest son does too. X