Help me and my bf out please

[lilly91216]

Hi im 16 and me and my bf been together for 9 months now and we was thinkin about having a baby i was scared too tell him no and i let him down what should we do we both want a child its just im scared

[JDJ23To28AND1-2]

It can be scary, the thought of having A Child, and exciting, when you think of all the possibilities You can do, to enrich That Child's Life, especially with A Man Who loves You And Your Child. For Me, When I Thought I was pregnant, I Thought about the ocean, We Could Go scubadiving, surfing, For Walks along the beach, My Husband Could Drive Us, Down the 4Wheel Drive path, In A 4-Wheel Drive. I thought I was pregnant With 5, but Somewhere, I think The Third Month, I miscarried. So When the Due Date Arrived, I hadn't put on Much Weight. I thought by then I Also Had Twins, So I Waited For Them To Grow, but when all The Due Dates Came, no Baby... Now I feel scared to try For Another One, And Have Decided To Wait For A Few Years, Until I'm Eating Properly Again (Which I'm Not Now). I Know For Me, I Have To Really Love And Trust My Husband, Before I Have A Baby With Him, And Be Doing Mentally Well. So I've Postponed Plans Of Having A Baby, Until I'm More Mentally Well. And Family Supports Us More. He Seems A Bit Sad About this, but He Agreed With Me. So We're Waiting. But That's Me. I Pray I Always Have My Husband, He's The Best, But Can't Have A Child To Him Now. I Hope This Helps.

[Hidden]

If your you and your partner are strong you should be able to have an open and honest conversation about this. There's plenty of time to start a family, no point in rushing it if you're not ready yet. It's a very big commitment.

You need to think about how you will both financially support the child, where you will live etc. Babies can be very expensive.

I would suggest you wait, get your GCSEs and Alevels/apprenticeship. Maybe go to Uni. Start a career. It will make things easier in the long run. But of course this is your decision at the end of the day. Maybe live with your partner before thinking about having a child.

Good luck!

[MrsA39]

Obviously you both know your own minds but I can tell you the reality of being a teenage mother. It's bloody hard and really isolating. You lose the majority of your friends who will be off having their own lives, holidays, uni and careers. Babies are expensive, you need to be able to buy a travel system (£200 plus) cot, clothing for both of you, money for in the hospital etc. Tge birth is hard, can last a long time and is painful. Babies dont really sleep well, they eat all the time and nappies are no joy either. Please think about all aspects before you carry on trying for a baby. How old is your boyfriend? Can you talk to your parents?

[Danielle86]

I am a little older than you but my nephew and his girlfriend had a baby at 16, and it was a very scary and difficult time for them. My nephew has had to work hard to provide for their family, and it can be very costly. I wont tell you whether you should have one now or not, but think about what you and your partner want to achieve and what your future looks like, do you have support from your friends/family, because all of this will matter. Personally, I am 30, and the thought of giving up work now for a little person is scary but exciting - but if you really want to do it, perhaps speak to a family member or friend who can give you advice too xxx

[roxannacar]

What's the hurry? If you are having doubts about this maybe it's not the right time for you. Don't feel pressurised into this as once you have a baby you have it for life, no returns.

Enjoy life, enjoy each other's company and being together. Try and save up some money as well as children are expensive and leave you very little "me" time.

It's not all bad of course not, I'm pregnant with my second one now, but at 32 with a supportive husband we are financially stable... And even then sometimes it's still hard.

Just don't feel pressurised in this... You have a whole life time ahead of you!

[Munyze]

Hello Lilly! I'm 26 now and I've had a boy this may but like you my partner wanted one sooner (2 years ago) like you I didn't felt ready and I was very scared but also wanted kids like him, but thought I wouldn't be able to cope with a baby so I told him and he said everything would be fine and we would always have support from the family, fast forward we moved to the U.K. And we don't have any family in here but we both got jobs and started to rethink the baby stuff... we putted some money on the side and went thrift shopping meaning charity shops, car boot sales, second hand stuff and we have been able so far to get everything the baby needs so far... if you don't feel ready just have an open talk with your bf, tell him why you don't feel ready and that you love him and that you promise to rethink in that, we woman now when we are ready, our system tells us that we want a baby, if you don't feel it just have an honest talk with him. Hope I helped, and good luck.

[Hidden]

Hi

You're 16. You shouldn't even be thinking about having a baby yet. There is so much else to do and see before you start a family.

You're not married, you certainly can't have your own home at 16. How will you finance a baby? If you're thinking of going for it and using the benefits system as so many do you will be trapped. It might look great to you to be a Mummy and have your own family at 16 but please believe me your thoughts change as you mature. You have got so much you can do before you have children. Go to college or find a job, save up for holidays, buy nice clothes.

If your boyfriend is the same age as you I can almost guarantee he won't stay the course. Can you see yourself with him for at least the next 18 years? If you have a baby you're stuck with him in your life forever even if you aren't together any more as he will be in your child's life for the rest of your lives.

You're way too young. Anyone that age is too young. They might think they are grown up but when they get to 20 or 30 they will look back and realise they weren't and see how much they missed.

Just enjoy being young. Find what you want in life. Have fun. Train for something that helps you grow such as college or a modern apprenticeship. Earn money and enjoy it!

When you're older, and married, in your own home, in a stable long term relationship then think about babies.

You're right to be scared. It's very scary! It's not as easy as you think. Having a baby with him won't make him stay your boyfriend.

Next time has asks to have a baby just tell him you want to enjoy being young before you have a family.

My Niece was pregnant at 14, gave birth at 15. Her own Mother was in her 40s and worked and my Niece lived with her. It wasn't as easy as she though and she ended up in a young mothers home, now moves from council house to council house and has another child now with another man. Does that sound appealing? Believe me it's not.

Don't do it!

[Thingandgeorge in reply to Hidden]

Well said!

[ChrisWest1983]

I am 34 and will have my first baby this month with my partner with who we have been together 3,5 years.

I had fun, I traveled, I went to uni, worked around the world, learned 5 languages, holidays wherever I wanted. I did everything my heart wished for and now I am ready for a baby, and a family and we can financially afford it .

If I had a child at 16 and let's say, you were that child and you decided to have a child at 16, then my grandchild would be 2 years old now! 😱 Older than my child I am expecting - and who knows, if I had a child at your age, then I might never had all these amazing opportunities I had to enrich myself, and all the great stories I'll be able to tell my child and encourage them to strive in their life!

If you're not ready, please love yourself so much and stand up for what and how you feel! Don't ever let anyone make decisions in your place or bully you into doing something you're not ready to, as you'll need to live with them for rest of your life, where's the other person can get away any time when they get frustrated or unhappy!

Please, be selfish and love yourself and make your own decisions! At 16 you're a just a young and pretty flower that's starting to bloom! Keep that bloom for as long as possible! And one day when you'll feel ready then it will be the best time to have a baby!x

[IsaacsMummy]

You're both too young to plan to have a baby, to be frank. Enjoy your youth whilst you still can because a baby is a major game changer.