43 and first time

I've had recent issues with my mental health including a drink problem which I have gotten help for. I am active in recovery and have really come a long way. A lot of my problems came about due to my struggling to accept I'd never be a mum, as I had had several miscarriages. I just could not seem to continue a pregnancy. It was these issues that really confirmed to us that we had to accept that children would not be in our lives. So we concentrated out efforts on being an amazing aunt and uncle to our nieces and nephews. I had finally come to a place where I felt some peace about it all.

I went to my GP complaining of cramping and other weird symptoms assuming that, like my mum, I was starting early menopause. I laughed when she suggested pregnancy. It turns out not only am I pregnant, I am almost three months! I've never made it this far.

I am very very happy. And very very dismayed. Firstly, I know things could still go wrong. I am cramping ( I just thought i was constipated.,.lol), and feeling generally weak and fatigued. No bleeding so far, and none of my previous pregnancies have ever gone this far. So it "looks" good. At the same time, I'm terrified that it looks good. I am scared I will be a bad mum. My husband is very supportive, but is worried about showing any excitement yet as in the past we have both been really disappointed.

I'm waiting for a call for a scan and have already seen a midwife...it all seems like it might actually happen...I have no idea how to be a mum. I know how to be a great aunt....but it's not the same is it?

I'm too old...too set in my ways, too non maternal..Maybe I can't do this?

I'm scared. Can anyone relate?

14 Replies

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  • If you were too old to get pregnant then your body would not have allowed you to get pregnant! Both my grans had a child after 40 and were perfectly fine (my gran and nana were born on 1920 and 1928). They were told they were too old! Eat healthy. Don't drink alcohol and remain positive. Good luck x

  • Hiya. You sound a hell of a lot more maternal than me! i mean, I didn't even want to be pregnant.

    I can totally relate to your comments, being a) over 40 b) a complete loon with a mental health record as long as your arm c)not a person who naturally gets on with kids. I'm an ok aunt rather than a great one. The nieces just boss me around.

    But.. you know, here I am, 20 weeks in, and though everyone has been politely nice about it, the people who've seemed the most pleased - the ones who've thought about it and said, five minutes after I've told them, "Honestly, that really is good news. So pleased for you," have been, by and large, a) parents who b) know all about my mental health issues.

    See.. I could understand it if parents had thought to themselves, "Oh-oh. That poor kid's not going to have a great time of it." But they haven't. They generally seem to believe that things will work out. More to the point, they seem to think it'll sort my head out. More than one person has said (I quote) "It might be the making of you."

    I can't really offer you that much advice, since I don't know what the hell I'm doing myself. The only thing I can do is try to pass on some of the positivity I've got from other people, in what sounds like a very similar situation.

    Oh and.. as for being old.. the advantage of all your friends having done it first is that you get loads of freebies.

    Here's a great big blog post I wrote about it

    wordsmiths2801.wordpress.co...

  • Hiya! I am 34 and sometimes worried about my set ways and how I'll cope with the baby (I have a bit of OCD so not sure how I'll deal with cleaning up and looking after the baby at the same time) but I suppose that our priorities will change - and if they won't: one or the other will need to adjust. Also worried about lack of sleep. When I was younger I could go a night without a sleep but not these days.

    I am praying for a calm and peaceful baby!

    One thing that I am happy about having baby being older is that I have done all things I really wanted to do and now the baby can be my priority!

    PS: if your body was too old to go through it - it would not have let you get pregnant! And as you're a great aunty - you'll be a great mum! Stay positive and active and you'll do just fine 😊 x

  • I think everyone has doubts about being a good mother. But when you hold your baby for the first time and just take in everything that has happened, the love that you feel is incredible. Just take your time to appreciate how much you need and love each other, and the rest will just come - its instincts.

    It's like labour. How do I give birth? It is built into your DNA how do you think cave women did it or animals to that matter? No one ever explained it to them - they just did it.

    Something that helped me loads was hypnobirthing. I was freaking out every time I thought about labour, so brought a cd from amazon. Not only does she talk to you about labour and how to deal with it but she also talks about your ability to be a wonderful loving mother. It completely calmed me, and gave me confidence in myself.

    amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/190522...

    Be kind to yourself. You will never be the perfect mother (doesn't exist) but as long as you love your child and do your best for them, you will never be far off.

    You'll be fine x

  • Congratulations! Isn't God amazing! You will be a wonderful mother, and you should be very confident in that you are capable. I too suffered for miscarriages, and I know that it is not a very good feeling to come home from the hospital empty-handed. This pregnancy is your gift from God comma and yes you and your husband both deserve it. Just make sure that you stay off of your feet as much as possible elevate your feet on pillows slightly above your heart period this will increase the blood flow in your uterus. You might want to try red raspberry tea because it is very good for the female sex organ Hill period I experience bleeding early on in my pregnancy with my son. But drinking red raspberry tea I believe help need to continue the pregnancy. Don't do any housework or lift anything heavy. Be sure that you're eating riot, and taking your vitamins. Make sure that your doctor gives you high risk Medical Care. You will have to be seen in the office every week. Don't allow yourself to get stressed out about anything! Get a few crossword puzzle books and maybe you start crocheting or knitting special baby items for your new bundle of joy. Just keep a very positive outlook on things period if you are religious person get on a prayer list. This helped me a lot. I now have three children that were born healthy. However I have had 5 miscarriages and three of them were twins. I am so happy for you! And I can't wait to hear about your healthy birthing experience period I know that you will be a beautiful comma and wonderful parent! God bless you and I would love to hear successful delivery experience! From this pregnancy! I will keep you in my prayers and thank you for sharing your story.

    Sincerely.

    Adrienne 112 ;,)

  • Wonderful encouraging post Adrienne, but isn't raspberry tea to induce labour? I thought it made the womb contract!

  • I agree: the read raspberry tea topic is quite controversial. I read that best to start to drink red raspberry leaf tea is second trimester (every other day/ once a day) and in third trimester 2x day as it will help with the labour as it tones the muscles of the uterus. I started drinking it but then forgot about it. I have 10 weeks to go so I think to start drinking it regularly.x

  • Hello! Thank You for your question. Yes redrasberry tea has played a very vital role in both child birth, and Womens healthcare for many centuries.Red Rasberry can be utilizes and enjoyed before, durring, and after pregnancy. Drinking red Rasberry tea daily while pregnant helps to tone and support the uterus,while pregnant. Durring labor, Red Rasberry tea aides pain management furring delivery. The recipie for a comfortable, pain managed delivery is based on drinking 1 quart as hot has you can stand it just before checking in to the hospital. This is the only way it will aide a woman durrifurring delivery if takes in this way, while contractions are already starting the normal process. It can be used safely durring pregnacy. There are Books you can affordably purchase on Amazon for about $14.95, about the benefits of Red Rasberry tea. I used it for each one of my pregnancies after suffering 4 miscarriages. I lost 3 sets of twins and 1 single pregnancy. I know have 3 Living children. I was threatening at miscarriage with each. I had bleeding and with with my oldest son, my placenta was not attached completely. I drank red Rasberry tea everyday and I carried my son to 39 weeks. I am now 47 and 13 weeks pregnant. I drink red Rasberry everyday before I became pregnant. I know that I am double High Risk, due to my age and history.

    Red Rasberry tea can be purchased from most any grocery store. I use Celestial Seasons Red Rasberry tea. Most Midwives will advise it's use. Research for yourself, and become familiar with it's potential benefits."

    Good Luck and God Bless!!!

    Sincerely,

    Adrienne Stroud

  • PS I forgot to mention bad red raspberry tea also helps promote milk production period so for you mothers who plan to breastfeed you may want to consider it. It could also be helpful if you don't know your extra milk to the local hospital milk Bank. This is very essential for preemies and babies who cannot digest formula.

    Thank You,

    Adrienne 112 ;:)

  • Oops meant to say that red raspberry tea helps promote milk production. Not bad red raspberry tea. Sorry for the mistake

  • Wow...what great replies. Thanks guys. I can't express enough how much it helps!

  • Glad we cheered you up! 🙊 at the end of the day - one always becomes a parent for the first time - no instructions given with the baby and if it does not go as planned - we can always just wing it ;) Same as our parents did. Yeah- mine definitely messed up few things but I grew up totally fine :)

    All best,x

  • I'm so proud of for your courage and willingness to share your story. This chapter in your life is about healing your spirit in your once broken areas, and "Faith." You can even buy Red Rasberry herbaherbal capsules, but talk to you doctor or midwife as always, and research everything I've shared with you. My prayer for you is that God will Bless you and your growing family with his presence every step of the way as you make this incredible journey. You can do this!!! You are strong, your body is strong, your faith is strong, and your love for this little angel inside of you is strong. Your love and God is what will see you through the rough patches. Some days you will cry, or be moody because you want to get out more, but keep smiling and praying, drinking your red Rasberry tea and eating healthy .Make sure you register for WIC Program too...this program will help you obtain healthy fruits vegetables milk egg and cheese needed to support the diet that you need while you are pregnant. It will also help you two purchase formula needed for your new baby once the child is born. Take your prenatal vitamins and folic acid supplements everyday." Let us know how you're doing." So glad to help you."

    Sincerely,

    Adrienne 112 ;:)

  • Hello! Just wanted to follow up with you and see how you were doing hope everything is going well for you! You are strong you are confident and you can do this you rock!

    Sincerely

    Adrienne 112 ;:)

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