21 pregnant with second HELP!

Wooow its been a while since i last posted, since i gave birth to my first baby almost about a year ago...his truly changed my life

But i have a problem again sighhhh recently I discovered am pregnant again this would be my second child i honestly dont know how to feel about the situation as this too wasnt planned...i got a implant around october last year which caused me bleeding for months which scared me and i went and got it taken out around the start of feb my period never came back and whenever i had sex i used a condom there wasnt a moment when i didnt use a condom now am confused with dates i dont know how far gone i am as my period never came back after i took out my implant yet every pregnancy tests are saying a strong positive

Help i dont know what to do, if am ready to be a mother of two how i would even begin with breaking the news to my family as they are quite strict when it comes to these things as my childs father got my pregnant and never married me which was expected from him now his gotten me pregnant again. Besides that i was due to start university in september everything was falling into place i dont believe in abortion quite against it for my own reasons tbh

Any young mothers or mothers who have had children at young age or just anyone with advice would be nice my brain feels fried i cant sleep without thinking about this situation ive gotten myself in .

12 Replies

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  • I had my son at 18, and my daughters just before I turned 19 and 22. It's hard having more than one when that's all you're used to but you adapt. Take a clear blue with date indicator then you'll have an idea how far along you are. At the end of the day it's you raising the baby if you want it screw your family cos if they can't support you whatever decision you make then in my eyes it's not a family worth being apart of . My family is strict but I turned up at 17 and said I was pregnant they supported me eventhough they were furious. They understood why we had our 2nd but we fell pregnant by accident with my 3rd and I was told after my 2nd I shouldn't have more kids by doctors cos it's dangerous but I had Sophie and I wouldn't change it but they were right my body couldn't take it. I had preeclampsia for 3rd time. Lost alot of blood again tore an artery in childbirth and got a lung clot. It was hard and my family only worried for my sake but not once did they make me feel bad or push me to a decision when I found out I was pregnant. You have to live with your choice so make sure you follow your decision not theirs. Good luck and hope you manage to come to a decision x

  • Good advise there sc94 -Do what you can live with.

    I don't see why your family would be too upset:

    - your pregnant with the same guy (your not sleeping around)

    - he's stood by you even though he hasnt put a ring on it (might I add a child should not be the main reason for getting married)

    - you were using protection. Sometimes these things happen, and sometimes they happen for a reason...

    This isn't the end of the world if you had health issues like sc94 I would be really worried for you. I'm sure you'll make things work.

    Before you tell your family I think you need to really think about what you want. And have a plan of your next steps. Things will be different this time round, your not a little girl your and a woman and mother have confidence in yourself.

  • I meant in a sense that me and my sons father are no more together so they are going to be upset.

    I never had no health complications or anything i do plan on having this baby just scared of hows it going to be like juggling two kids without alot of support of people who i would of wanted support from most is. Anyways thanks your right thank you i will do whats best for me and hope the decision ive made is the best one

  • Oh woow thank you

    Motivates me as i do want to keep it i guess am just scared of what people are going to think.

    Which is something i need to get off my mind.

    Thanks once again really does help

  • Sorry to be abrupt but I'm not one to beat round the bush!

    Firstly you need to learn to use condoms properly. Check the expiry date, careful not to rip with nail and avoid latex degrading products like oil or vaseline. After sex remove condom and carefully inspect for rips/ leaks by tying the top and squeezing it. If the condom has a hole then use emergency contraception which you can get in advance, just in case.

    Secondly the decision to give birth or terminate is completely yours. Your partner should help raise the child with you bit if he wasn't around for the first then he probably won't take responsibility for this one either. Get some counselling to help you make the right decision. If you do decide to terminate, please do it early not at week 20!

    Thirdly the only way to 100% protect against unwanted pregnancy is not to have sex at all. Contraception does sometimes fail!

    Good luck in whatever you decide to do x

  • Hi i know things seem scary now but you will cope! It seems harder thinking about how you will cope. Once you are in routine everything will be easier to you. I know this as i am almost 23 years old and i am expecting my 5th baby. Yes people will judge. And no, they werent all planned. But my 10 month old baby and this baby were. As i find it fairly easy to cope. I have a good routine and luckily a loving partner who supports us in every way. It is not all about physical age but mental age. Most young women my age go out every weekend. This has never bothered me i would rather be at home with my beautiful kids i am young and have plenty of energy for my kids . As for my parents they have always been strict. They have now accepted that i have chosen to have a large family. Every child is a blessing and how many children you have is in gods hands i believe. Your parents should be happy to be becoming grandparents again! Life has other plans for you sometimes . maybe university wasnt where you were supposed to be. You will have plenty of options in future. I am sure you will not regret that you chose to have your baby x x

  • "Maybe university isn't where you were supposed to be" seriously clb302308? Why should a woman not go to uni? She planned to go bit clearly the pregancy will affect her plans!

    There is no upper age limit for uni. I got an education and a graduate job first then tried for a baby a few years later. There's nothing wrong with doing the other way round! You can go to uni next year if you have child care in place. Baby's dad and his family can look after kids too, even though you 2 are not together.

  • I never said she should not go to uni. All i meant was sometimes life can turn out differently than planned but not always a bad thing. And as you said yes there is no age limit for uni. Im sure later on if that's what she decides to do she will do well.

  • I agree with ladies above: Uni is not a 🐰 rabbit - it won't run away! You can always find a way into higher education.

    When I was your age I was not ready for babies, serious relationships & commitments. And I was not even ready for uni. I wanted to travel, explore new cultures, work etc. I went to uni in late 20's and graduated in early 30's and now I am ready and I am having a baby (some uni students were in their 30's, 40's, 50's) I think we all have different destinies, so if you're to have another child and happy about it - I hope your beloved ones can respect your situation and be there for you) and it's never to late to study!

    Wish you a lot of self confidence and courage to face your relatives and friends with these news.

    (When I'll be 50 then my child will only be 15, but when you'll be 35 then you'll be young mother of teenagers so you'll be able to do what ever you'll wish!)

    Every cloud has a silver lining!x

  • Congratulations on your bundle and thank you sooo much your definitely right and hopefully they will

  • Congrats on the news of your baby! I'm 21 myself I'm only expecting my first. At 14 weeks me and my partner decided to split up as our relationship was going down hill and dragging a baby into it definitely wasn't fair. So we decided to focus on being parents rather than in a relationship. If your partner is there for your child I really don't see why they would have a problem, if he has hurt you previously then I understand why they would be upset at you being pregnant again to him. My family would be very upset if I ever went back to my ex boyfriend. But that's my choice, not there's, as it is yours. Especially if he is around a lot for the baby You already have, no one can blame you for having an intimate relationship with him as you may rely on him more than you think even though you're apart.

    If he wants nothing to do with him then simply keep him out of it. I was terrified of being a single mum to one baby, never mind 2. But as people have said above, everything happens for a reason, people come and go. And if there's anything good that came out of my relationship it's my baby.

    if you don't think you can handle it then it's your choice to terminate no one else's. And do it when you're ready. When you decide to go back onto contraception I would use the pill where you take it for 21 days and then off for 7, and then that just helps to regulate your periods.

    Uni, my study life stopped, but doesnt mean to say I won't pick it up. Your life doesn't have to stop because you have a baby as I'm sure you already know.

    Good luck either way!

  • Hey hun congratulations to you too, after a long thought i have decided to keep it although the father is no longer in our lives that was a decision he decided to make and not mine which am fine with which if anything less stress for me and gives me time to enjoy my second pregnancy as i didnt really get to enjoy my first as he was in it and always stressed me out right up until i gave birth then it got even worse after i gave birth as he wouldnt grow up refused to find a job and support us forcing me to go back to work in order to support us but them days are over am happy his out of my life i wish he would still be in his childs life though but sigh its his choice after a while i will cut contact as its not fair on my child as he is not a toy where he thinks its ok to be walking in and out of his life as he pleases .

    I wish you best of luck with your pregnancy make sure you ENJOY IT i cant wait to find out how far exactly i am from the scan so i can start doing count downs hehe this time i plan to REALLY ENJOY IT . Thanks the advice really appreciate it. X

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