am i being selfish

my little one is 11 days old, spent the first 6 days in hospital i needed 4 blood transfusions after the birth, had her home for 5 days getting constantly hounded for visits now im home and i just want my family together as much as possible as my partner goes back to work in 9 days only got 2 weeks off and a few days holiday, to cut a long story short my partners mum has got face on because i wanted to sleep when she wanted to come round baring in mind she could have come up mid afternoon she wanted to come at 6pm and hasnt been in touch since, but ive told everyone i just need some time to heal some people have been so funny about it :/

16 Replies

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  • Hello no your not being selfish! It's nice that family want to come round, but you need time to yourself as well! Get your partner to have a word it's his mother, and if she's still got a mood on then f her, don't let it worry you, if she's going to moody she will miss out until she changes her attitude. She needs to bare in mind that these past 2 weeks have been very stressful and given the fact that for near a week you have had midwifes, nurses and doctors poking around and you haven't had much just the 3 of you family time. But again you are in no way being selfish, hope this message makes sense! Bex xx

  • I don't think you're selfish at all. I can imagine you are tired and exhausted as you have been through so much recently, and everyone should understand this (specially another woman)!

    Enjoy the family time next 9 days!x

  • Your not being selfish.

    It is your child and what other people need to realise is that as much as they were looking forward to meeting your little one, you and your partner have been waiting even more anxiously.

    You are going to be very hormonal at this point in time - it is important that you are aware of yourself, but please don't get hung up on who's got a face on. Point blank it's not of interest to you. And when you look back at this point in time it's not going to be how you want to remember it. Focus on how lucky you are to be home with your partner and baby and live that love and joy.

    If people keep turning up unexpectedly could it be worth putting something on Facebook saying how much you're looking forward to spending some quite time with your new arrival. If it's just your mother in law getting on your wick, ask your partner to speak to her. Just focus on how tired you are physically, emotionally and you just need some quite time to regroup. When this is being said I would invite her round to lunch at a time and date of your choosing, so she doesn't feel pushed out but you are still in control of the situation.

    Good luck and remember to look on the bright side - it is so very bright xx

  • Good advice. You mean quiet time though!

    Regards

    Anna

  • My sister had set visiting hours when her little one was born. She was very strict with them and everyone knew that once visiting hours were over it was time to leave. I think it is important to get your time in together as a new family before your partner goes back to work. You need this time to bond and to recover from the birth. Good luck!

  • Hi, i know exactly how you feel. Y little girl is now 5 weeks old, I had constant visitors for about 3 weeks on and off which is all very nice but sometimes I could have really told them all to do one!!!!

    You are not being selfish at all, the problem I had was I had all these visitors then nothing and I felt quite lonely and a bit down.

    Put your foot down with the mother in law - you also need some sort of time for yourself too ( easier said than done I know ) but like you say she could have come over earlier. Tell her next time you don't want visits in the evening as that's your time .

    It's only now that I've really started feeling like im getting into some sort of routine with my little one. It does take time to adjust.

    Is this your first baby?

    Take care x

  • Yes my first baby and thanks all I thought I was going mad we told her to chill out a little bit but was adamant she was right saying we could have let her see baby, she's only been home 8 days today 5 of which I've had a visitor from Belgium staying and 4 days I've had to take her to midwife or hospital for check ups hahaha

  • Goodness can't believe how rude she was. Just say sorry no note visitors or get your husband to say it. You need to rest x

  • Hi no you are not at all! My mum is exactly like this and everything is about her and I have decided that nobody is visiting us when the baby arrives until we decide. I was very ill with my daughter and nurses at the hospital had to tell her to go away as I was so Ill, she didn't come to see how we were, she walked in with a camcorder in my face and I had nearly died the night before and so had my daughter. I was ill after a massive bleed and been put on morphine. She also brought a load of other family members without asking. It's your family who needs to adjust and get to know your new arrival and she should respect that. She should also have concern after the fact you have been so poorly anyone would be wiped out looking after a newborn having had that many blood transfusions. I had one and still ended up low in iron for months.

    Don't let others negatively effect your time with your baby, what she thinks is irrelevant and you need to recover however you need to, it has nothing to do with her and she is being unfair.

    Congratulations x

  • I think the people being funny about it are selfish. When my baby arrives I will want time alone with the three of us. Stand your ground xx

  • I will thanks, you'd have thought they would be so much better with her being a mother of three and my mum being a mum of two she's been bothering me about her name haha families hey, who'd have them sometimes thanks for all the advice really appreciated I think they all need to realise it's not their baby, worst thing is, they haven't been that bothered throughout the entire pregnancy except my partners mum

  • You're the one who just had a baby and you know what rest you need. People who want to visit you should be working around your and baby's needs not theirs. They should be helpful rather than a nuisance.

    You could always suggest that you need to sleep but baby she can look after baby whilst you do that.

    By being difficult she's the one missing out on being with baby.

  • I think they forget what it's like. It's a lovely time when a baby is born and there's lots of excitement about it but the mum and her health problems often do get overlooked. I am dreading it in a way because I know exactly what my mum is like and I have 3 kids already. I had a difficult time with them all and will be having a c-section again. If I don't do what she wants I will have an entire circle of people being funny with me but I am sick of being ill, having no time to recover and having loads of people over with no warning. Its going to be different this time. You are in no way selfish at all and them waiting a while isn't going to kill them.

  • Not ready for anyone to be looking after her atm, although I could use the sleep after everything I went through not an option at the moment, but eventually she can lol she just demanded pretty much I said she could come see her just not at 6pm and also reserved a slot for her the next day and she never text me back and went to visit her friend instead so there's nothing much more I can do to be honest

  • Hello,

    As everyone else, I also think you're not selfish.

    I have a 5 weeks old and I have the same situation as you. People don't understand that you need time to get to know your little one and also you need to heal and rest.

    People should understand that if they come for a visit, instead of expecting to it in the sofa and being served, they should offer their help as new mums we got enough thing to do and care with our little ones.

    My baby was premature and he spent 3 weeks in the NICU - My only desire was to take him home and be with him and my husband as much as we could. When finally my son arrived home we just got loads of people wanting to come over. Some of them got a bit angry as we told them that we needed time with our baby was we had a hard time after birth - but hey, is their problem for being selfish, not from us.

    So I understand your situation completely and I think the selfish are they.

    All the best with your little one xxx

  • Nope, nope, nope! Definitely not selfish! I've pre-warned my family that I don't want them to come round until I've invited them.

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