Need help with pregnancy dates.: I met someone on the... - NCT

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Need help with pregnancy dates.

Carlos187 profile image

I met someone on the 31st of December & we had unprotected sex but on the 1st she took the morning after pill. 

She was seeing somebody before me but they ALWAYS used a condom, however she last saw this other person on the 28th of December. By the 14th of January she had missed her period and was worried and by the 17th she knew something was up. On the 21st of January she took an Asda pregnancy test ( I would have preferred clear blue as it tells you roughly how far along you are but ohwell). The test came back positive and at first I didn't have any doubts until we went to the first few scans. Her last period was on the 15th-17th December and the probable date on conception is within the week that she saw us both.

I really need help getting my head around this and wonder if anyone could shed any light on the situation. She is a lovely girl but I am quite young and I'm really not ready to be some bodies step father. She doesn't agree to have a prenatal pregnancy test as their is a chance she may miscarriage.

At the scan on the 9th Of March we were given a  Gestational age of between 

11 Weeks + 6 Days 

12 Weeks + 1 Day

LMP:15-17 December 2015

DD: 20-22 September 2016

10 Replies

If her lmp was in December and if by she saw this person on the 28th Dec you mean they had intercourse it could be eithers... No scan can differentiate between a few days! If they really always used a condom and you didn't ... More likely to be yours BUT no contraception is 100%. Bottom line ... You need a dna test to differentiate. Might be worth using contraception in the future if you don't want to be a father

Carlos187 profile image
Carlos187 in reply to roxannacar

I never said I don't want to be a father, I said I don't want to be a step father.

Really unfortunate situation you're in. Like the other person said the dates are too close for a test to tell you. Looks like you'll have to wait until you can do a DNA test. It's a long time until September, so in the mean time you could try and get your head around the fact that the baby might be yours. It needn't be the end of the world with help from family and friends-  you could make it work. 

Unfortunately I don't think you're going to get any indication of who is the father until such time a DNA test is done. In the meantime that's quite hard for you in that you don't know if you're going to be a father or not and how committed you want to be to the mother. Just out of interest...has she prepared the other chap that he may well be a father in September? 

Carlos187 profile image
Carlos187 in reply to

Yes I don't know how to act. Trying to be as positive as possible, no she hasn't told him and don't think she has any intentions

the father could be either of you.... I have to admit i feel bad for you. I think you might need to ask yourself why she hasnt told the other guy that he may or may not be a father. If i had to make an educated guess i would say you are probably the nicer of the two guys and she is hoping its you. 

If you dont have any real feelings for the girl i would be supportive throughout the pregnancy (think ross and rachel in friends) and wait till you can do a dna test after the baby is born. The other guy needs to be told too. Also i dont think you can be with somebody just because you have a child together. you could look at co-parenting ( you can take courses) good luck!

Carlos187 profile image
Carlos187 in reply to

We genuinely get along well, I wouldn't stay with her just for the sake of a baby I don't believe that would be healthy for either of us or the child. 

there's been a slight update and it turns out that they last had sex on the 19th of December. I don't know if that really helps but yeah. 

So far I'm still just trying to remain positive. The other guy is a few years older and already has 3 kids with 3 different women so I don't know. That's probably the main reason lol but yeah. Took her to her mid wife appointment yesterday. 

roxannacar profile image
roxannacar in reply to Carlos187

With those dates likely child is yours, as that would have been 2-4 days after lmp, unlikely to be ovulating at that point. Of course it's a matter of probability, you can't say it 100% certain. 

Carlos - i dont know if this helps but i read  your post again and looked properly at the dates. I had my scan on Monday 7th March and I was 13 weeks  and 2 days  and i know my partner and i   conceived on or around 24th december - I am due on the 10th September. your partner is due 12 days after me so I would say it is very possible that you are the father as she would have conceived after me ( so late December)- obviously it is not an exact science  you should definitely do a DNA test and if you are make sure your name goes on the birth certificate as you are not married you will need to go to the town hall with her to do this.

I think its great how supportive you are being and it must be such an awkward situation. i hope you both can work it out 

Carlos187 profile image
Carlos187 in reply to

Yeah helps a lot & thanks, I assumed it would be better to be there and it turns out not to be mine than to not be there and it is mine and I feel like I should have been a lot more supportive and since she has no intentions of telling the other potential it's not fair on her or the child to let her go through it alone. I've been considering the fact now that they definitely didn't have sex on the 28th that it is more than likely mine and been able to rest my mind a little but still understand that there's a chance it might not be mine.

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