33 weeks pregnant and Feeling down

well I'm 33+3 with my forth and just about ready to give up. The last 5 weeks have been horrendous, just seems like everything is being thrown at me all at once. My grandad had a stroke in Feb and passed away 2 weeks later, I had to cancel all my DDs just so I had enough money to travel from South Wales to Cheshire to spend time with him then again for the funeral. On top of this tax credits messed up and didn't pay us a week so we where a week without money, gas, electric and food. They've since recalculated and as a temporary measure to make up for the missed payment we get more a week which has caused our housing benefit to be reduced by half. Wish I could say it ends there but it really doesn't, I'm a second year law student and I'm now facing disciplinary action for my absence despite keeping my personal tutor informed and this is before the physical symptoms of pregnancy.

Everyday is a struggle, I've developed gestational diabetes and I cannot get on top of my sugars. I'm experiencing severe pain in my lower back and hips to the point where I can barley walk. It's more of a shuffle and I'm in constant agony. I have a 15 month old and I'm struggling to look after him properly cos I'm in so much pain. I can't lift him any longer and when he's being mischievous I just can't get to him quick enough to make sure he's safe. He's been very poorly too, he's had ear & chest infection after another since November. And my 10 year olds behaviour really isn't helping, he has adhd but this doesn't excuse his attitude of late. if I ask him for help he either point blank refuses and completely ignores me which causes arguments. Yesterday he decided to lay on the floor and laugh in my face. Even asking him to brush his teeth result in an argument.

I just can't cope anymore, I'm beyond breaking point

4 Replies

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  • Didn't want to read and run! It sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad, loosing a family member is hard enough without all the other things you have going on.

    Remember through it all that you are a wonderful mum who is doing a great job (even though you may not feel it most of the time) I have a 15 month old boy too and i can't imagine running round after him while heavily pregnant... but you are doing your best for him and that's all you can do!

    Have you got any support at home? Can i suggest that you go any talk to your midwife and tell her how you're feeling. She may have some suggestions of how to cope. In a few weeks time you'll have gorgeous bundle of joy in your arms... keep going... you CAN do it! Xx

  • So sorry to hear about your struggles. First accept my condolence on the death of your granddad.

    The best advise anyone can give at this state will be to take things one step at a time. Do you have family members that can help with things? Don't be embarrassed to ask for help as it seems as though you need it.

    You and the little one you are carrying are important so please as much as it sounds easy for me to write, try and relax.

    For now, i'd say you write back to your personal tutor and tell him that you might face disciplinary action despite taking permission from him, am sure he will sort things out from there.

    I must applaud you for being a super woman, juggling uni, family life etc.

    Please do take care of you xx

    Ps: is your 10 year old receiving help/ support for his ADHD? If not, speak to the gp or school.

  • I am sorry that you are going through a lot right now, you are a strong woman. Just keep going not long to go now. Look after yourself first before any thing else, ask for help from family and friends. University will have to take a second place right now just keep communicating with them and hopefully they will see sense. The pain you are experiencing will improve after you have your baby, I had the same with my 4th, as for tax credits they mess up with lots of people but sounds like you are back on track. I wish I could help more even take you out for a coffee and a good chat but you live far from me. Keep going you are doing great and your kids do appreciate you. The ADHD improves with age but also seek help from your GP. Wishing you all the best and God bless you and all the Mums out there. XXOO

  • I hear you. Are you under a consultant for the gestational diabetes?? If you are when you go for your maternity appointment. Speak to them and tell the everything you have said here. They should be able to help with a letter in relation to your possible disciplinary. (my consultant did this for me when I had the same thing happen). I know how you feel. You can feel numb and brain dead at times, despite everyone telling you that you will have this bundle of joy to come and to look forward to it all etc etc, somehow that bit stays in the back of your mind all the while everything else is going on around you. Last year I went through a similar thing, a disciplinary at 6 months resulting in a dismissal, then an appeal by which time I was 8 1/2 months pregnant (which also failed - I found out the day after having my son Id failed :( ). Financial it has been absolutely horrendous, loosing a whole salary is a killer, especially with a mortgage & bills to keep paying.

    I lost all my full maternity benefits and was only entitled to statutory MAT Pay. Went down the benefits office to see if I was entitled to anything in the mean time. You know, working all these years and paying into the system and never once having to claim for anything ever, you think that in times like this, when you most need help, you'd get something. Oh how wrong I was !!! You find out that because you're married and your husband earns (what they class as too much) you are not entitled to nothing at all. And To think all these people that don't pay anything into the system ever but then get everything paid for etc.........Grrrrrrrr..........! !!!

    I too also used to get bad pelvic/cervical pain. Like someone had kicked me real hard (or id just done a 10 mile bike ride on a hard seat LOL!). The only upside was as my job was on my feet all day, the fact I was made to finish work earlier than planned meant I could be less active, which did help somewhat. If it continues I would seriously consider speaking to your GP as if you have severe Pelvic Girdle Pain, they can refer you to a Physio for help and who can also issue you with a support to wear (my sister had one of these which helped stabilise her pelvis in the latter stages).

    One thing I can assure you, although it is early days and in about 9 months time you will be feeling a lot better about things. Things do get easier day by day. Keep talking with family etc and especially keep talking with your OH. You will get through this I promise x ;)

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