It's been a while.
My daughter is six months old now and after a difficult first three months I am now really starting to enjoy her. I couldn't breastfeed and so I had to work hard to build a deep bond.
I have been with her father for six years and though we are young and she wasn't planned. We both felt we could rise to the challenge.
Her father proposed to me when I was nine months pregnant. What a fool was I to say yes and start getting excited about the idea of a wedding, buying a house and building a life together.
He has since admitted that he only proposed because of the baby. If I'm being honest, I feel bitter that he took that special moment away from me. Obviously, as young first time parents, a baby was a shock to the system and all the time I had to focus on her father before was redirected to the baby. He started saying that I was tired and mean to him all the time etc.
As time moved on, he went out drinking with his work mates a lot. So much so that I was unable to attend an assessment day for a job I applied for (he had agreed to the childcare but was in no fit state to look after her). Then earlier this week, my grandma started failing in hospital and my mum called all my siblings back home to say goodbye. I text him about it as he was out shopping after work with some work mates and he replied 'what time do you want me home'... No how are you or do you think she'll pull through... Then when I called him three hours later, he was in the pub...
It's just so clear that he doesn't respect my dreams and ambition, nor is he a solid support network. When I broached the subject this evening, he said that he wished he could love me the right way but he just didn't feel the same about me as he once did and that he was leaving...
I'm really sad about how this has all turned out and about and I guess my question is...
How will I carry on?