I'll start by explaining my situation. When I was 15weeks pregnant I had a massive blip in my depression and anxiety. More anxiety than anything else (I have been a life long sufferer) I have intrusive thoughts that my boyfriend is cheating on me to the point were I'm obsessed with his every move and admittedly I'm so ashamed about it. It has taken over my life I'm hardly sleeping I wasn't eating because everytime I did I was sick. It got me to the point were I have zero self esteem or confidence. At the time I was having really bad suicidal thoughts they scared the living day lights out of me so I decided it was time to go get help I rang the crisis team in a state of panic and begged for them to take me into hospital, they did but it was on a voluntary basis as it was my choice/decision I was so ashamed . Pregnant and having suicidal thoughts!! The last thing I wanted to do was harm my unborn child that's why I didn't act upon the thoughts. Whilst in hospital the nurses told me that Ss would have to be involved because of my suicidal thoughts as its protocol and seen as a risk to the baby. I sobbed and sobbed because I'm not that type of person this isn't the real me I would never harm my baby I'm not a monster I just needed the help. I kept asking over and over are they going to take my baby some nurses would say they didn't know and some would say no they will be there to help and support you this reassured me a little and I was able to put it to the back of my mind . At the end of my stay in hospital I had to attend a formulation meeting the consultant, a CPN, a student sw and my midwife, myself and my mother were present . They discussed what would happen after my discharge .. They explained that I would work closely with a CPN (I have seen her once and I am now 18weeks pregnant) and that I would start therapies such as CBT (still waiting) anyway I had an appointment with my midwife about 3 days ago and she mentioned that she would have to fill in a letter to Ss to get the ball rolling and its brought back all the intrusive thoughts that they are going to take my baby it's terrifying me I'm terrified of what Ss are going to say or do its affecting my life again from waking up to going to bed its all I think about and I'm struggling to sleep too its worsening my depression and my anxiety I could just cry and cry . I don't know what to expect and I'm petrified that they are going to come an take my baby away when he/she is born I don't know what to do or who to turn to I keep reading things on the internet which is just making the situation worse . I wish I had just kept it all to myself because I know I'll be a good mam I just need help with anxiety and depression I also have a massive support network at home can someone help? Reasurrance? Advice?