Advice on social services please? Anxiety+depression


I'll start by explaining my situation. When I was 15weeks pregnant I had a massive blip in my depression and anxiety. More anxiety than anything else (I have been a life long sufferer) I have intrusive thoughts that my boyfriend is cheating on me to the point were I'm obsessed with his every move and admittedly I'm so ashamed about it. It has taken over my life I'm hardly sleeping I wasn't eating because everytime I did I was sick. It got me to the point were I have zero self esteem or confidence. At the time I was having really bad suicidal thoughts they scared the living day lights out of me so I decided it was time to go get help I rang the crisis team in a state of panic and begged for them to take me into hospital, they did but it was on a voluntary basis as it was my choice/decision I was so ashamed . Pregnant and having suicidal thoughts!! The last thing I wanted to do was harm my unborn child that's why I didn't act upon the thoughts. Whilst in hospital the nurses told me that Ss would have to be involved because of my suicidal thoughts as its protocol and seen as a risk to the baby. I sobbed and sobbed because I'm not that type of person this isn't the real me I would never harm my baby I'm not a monster I just needed the help. I kept asking over and over are they going to take my baby some nurses would say they didn't know and some would say no they will be there to help and support you this reassured me a little and I was able to put it to the back of my mind . At the end of my stay in hospital I had to attend a formulation meeting the consultant, a CPN, a student sw and my midwife, myself and my mother were present . They discussed what would happen after my discharge .. They explained that I would work closely with a CPN (I have seen her once and I am now 18weeks pregnant) and that I would start therapies such as CBT (still waiting) anyway I had an appointment with my midwife about 3 days ago and she mentioned that she would have to fill in a letter to Ss to get the ball rolling and its brought back all the intrusive thoughts that they are going to take my baby it's terrifying me I'm terrified of what Ss are going to say or do its affecting my life again from waking up to going to bed its all I think about and I'm struggling to sleep too its worsening my depression and my anxiety I could just cry and cry . I don't know what to expect and I'm petrified that they are going to come an take my baby away when he/she is born I don't know what to do or who to turn to I keep reading things on the internet which is just making the situation worse . I wish I had just kept it all to myself because I know I'll be a good mam I just need help with anxiety and depression I also have a massive support network at home can someone help? Reasurrance? Advice?


10 Replies

  • Hi lovely, first of all take a deep breath, make a cuppa and relax for a moment.

    Secondly, social services are a support service first and for most and removing children from parents is a last resort! I have friends that have worked for them so I do know they don't remove children unless its absolutely necessary.

    Do you have a phone number for the cbt therapist you mention? You need to ring them up and chase this up. Having suffered from anxiety myself, I had to get the county nhs mental health service involved. You may be able to find a number online. If not, call your doctor and ask them to chase it up for you. I would say you are high priority so they do need to address this sooner rather than later. Your doctor may also prescribe some anti-anxiety medication (benefits to you outweigh any risks to your baby!) to keep you going. Another idea is to contact the charity Mind, which deal with mental health, even if you just want a chat. I have friends that work within the mental health sector too, and its something I feel quite passionate about, so please get in touch if you want to know anything else or just need to let it all out.

    Big hugs, Charlotte. X

  • All of the above are great suggestions, but I know from personal experience that when you are struggling with anxiety and depression it is not so easy to find the mental energy and concentration to be able to chase up appointments and seek out support.

    I would recommend either asking a good friend or relative to help out with this, or even a GP. The last thing that you need when struggling is the pressure of trying to obtain and manage your own treatment at this stage.

  • No offence but not at all! Taking children now is a profitable business for them they get 2.4 billion a year for having 3500 children in a home they are arseholes and you are not to trust them I'm fighting them still from when my child was born now 4 years on he is fully disabled and has no brain his diagnosis is hydranencephaly and his dad hung himself when he was 9 months old Iv been with my fella now 2 years and 10 months and have a child with him who is 16 months old and they have no problem with him just my disabled son they are digging at me for Iv been pre proceedings once and fought them off and now they are trying again my son had never been hospitalised before they started messing with him and now he's been in since December third last year and I'm tired now I'm at hospital every day from 8am til 8pm I get home cook tea bath the baby settle him and I'm not in bed till 2am they keep moving the goal posts and making me and my partner so depressed and pissed off so no I don't belive they are there to help at all best thing is to get a solicitor asap for some advice

  • This was a year ago and my case was dropped befor my baby was even born they are not involved in my life or my babies they didn't even come out to see me .. So the advice I was given from the others was correct they didn't do anything .. Goodluck to you and your child though hopefully they will go

  • Please follow Lottys advice. You sound as though you just need some therapy or medication and you'll be ok, you just need support. Please dont worry about social services most of the thing about them contacting them is just protocol.

    And remember there are lots of anti depressants you can breast feed on so don't worry about that either. You can do this! X

  • I had high levels of anxiety during pregnancy and saw a perinatal psychiatrist. The fact that you asked for help is in your favour. That you recognise when things are a problem is good. I took anti anxiety medication, sertraline, throughout pregnancy. There should be no reason for your child to be taken into care, but support for you is important. People will want to know that you ate well enough to care for the baby, but whilst you see them as a threat they can't help. You need them to help you by explaining what they want to do to support you, so you see them as a team of people making sure you and your little one are okay.

  • I work at the maternity unit of the hospital and we do see a lot of social services, but they are to support the mum to be independent with baby at home 99% of the time, eg, ensure young and poor mothers have baby necessities and adequate housing, protecting babies from abusive relationships, ect. They are not there to remove babies.

    What they will want to see is you taking steps to deal with your depression and anxiety, which you have already started, and to continue by taking any counselling, medication and attending appointments you are advised to have.

    They will also want to see you have a good support network, your partner and family there to help you, and maybe the taking up the good idea of support groups already suggested.

    New mums all have a bit of anxiety during pregnancy and early parenting, however as when I suffered from it myself, a health professional explained is what no one wants is for it to overwhelm you to the point that it spoils this special time. This is when you need help so that you, your partner and baby can enjoy this wonderful experience, so let them help, dont worry about any fears of them taking baby away, and let them get you well again!

  • Hiya, social services only take babies away as a last resort. They would much, much prefer to assist you in getting well enough to look after your own baby. So, engage with the support and services offered to you, relax & look after yourself - you said it yourself, you are going to be a good mum, so keep reminding yourself of that and focus on getting better so that you are free to enjoy your beautiful baby when he/she arrives xxx

  • I would try and calmly explain to everyone involved that the loss of control (Ss being involved, no say in treatment or what happens when etc) is actually aggravating your symptoms rather than helping.

    You could explain that what you need is reassurance and clear information on how they are going to support you, and that with that you feel that you will be more than able to cope.

    Unfortunately these things often open up a pandoras box of forms that have to be ticked, and what is best for the client is not always prioritised.

    If you have good support at home then perhaps ask a friend or relative to explain this to Ss for you.

    Do you have a good GP that you can speak to and perhaps use as an advocate?

  • What medication are you on? There are lots of drugs for anxiety that are very safe in pregnancy.

    No one is going to take your baby from you, they are going to support you and help you get better. Very worst case scenario if you were very ill after the baby was born and were unable to look after the baby safely they would either put you both under the care of your mum or into a mom and baby unit until you felt able to cope on your own.

    Don't even think about that though as there is plenty of time to get your anxiety under control before then. I've known lots of women have a lot of success with Citalopram and it can be used safely in pregnancy even in high doses.

    Get your mom/partner to help chase up appointments and get your medication reviewed!!

    Take a deep breath - you can do this!! :)


You may also like...