No sign of baby 😞

I'm 39+2 weeks with my 2nd baby, been having Braxton Hicks for over a month now & no signs of baby! Contractions & cramps have been getting stronger over the last week but no show or waters breaking & I'm just sick to death of the constant pain now πŸ˜ͺ

My 1st baby was 9 days late, my waters broke but I didn't go into labour so had to be induced with an emergency cesarean 12 hours later because baby was too big for me, 3cm bigger than the average baby in head circumference & 9lbs 7oz. I'm starting to feel really low now as it seems like my body doesn't have a clue how to birth a baby, only to torture me 😞 has anyone else been through anything similar & gone on to have a natural delivery? I'm booked in for a c section on 15th if no baby but I'm thinking of cancelling it because I want to try for a natural delivery but at this point I'm feeling like a total failure πŸ˜₯

My friend pretty much sneezed & had her baby the other day & that's what tipped me over the edge! She literally went from cramps to baby in 8 hours yet I've been cramping/contracting for a week! It's soul destroying!! Any advice or words of encouragement would be great as I'm getting very low now, thank you!

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  • I understand your concern but what strike me is that you said you have a c section planned for the 15 which is also my birthday, but why under heavens would you want to cancel it becuase you want to have a natural birth ? you need to allow commonsense to prevail, you have another child depending on you and now another on the way, each and every mother only hope to give birth and then enjoy the moment. Why would you want to risk your life becuase of your selfish desire to have a natural birth ?

    It must be a reason a c-section is planned, you had one done before hence it's not rocket science to figure out why the doctors decided on doing that. Lots of people wish they could give birth the way they want but unfortunately our bodies does some rather strange things sometimes. Stop playing God with your body becuase nature is saying something else. If anything wnet wrong now the doctor get the blame because you are so dead one having natural birth, doctors don't always get it right but from your first birthing history, you are wasting your time asking a very foolish question.

  • Wow Monika, that's a bit harsh! Cut her some slack! She's heavily pregnant and is just sharing her feelings.

    It's so hard to be having irregular contractions constantly, my friend laboured this way for a week before she went into active labour, it must be soul destroying to see your other friends have simple labours.

    Can you request a cervical sweep every couple of days until your c section? Are you doing the whole walking, sex, spicy foods things ? Clary sage oil in bath is another good one to try (though I'm sure at this point you've tried them all!)

    I really feel for you, the last few days / hours of pregnancy are really uncomfortable. Try to take comfort in that your body is doing its job, the constant cramping is slowly opening and thinning your cervix ready to birth your baby, it sounds like you are getting close to the main event starting.

    I personally wouldn't cancel the c-section, you may not even need it anyway but in case you do reach the 15th, that will be your special day to meet your little one. I myself had to have an emergency c sec, a cat1 so was knocked unconscious and missed the birth, so get the disappointment and yearning f

  • Sorry hit send too soon!

    ... For a natural delivery. But my little boy entered the world safe and sound so will definitely follow medical advice of blessed with another baby....

    Though may be saying something different when heavily pregnant and miserable lol.

    Good luck to you, I sincerely hope that things get started naturally for you soon. Xx

  • Thank you 😊 yes I'm trying eveverything to get this baby out! My 1st little boy was perfectly healthy & still is. Thank you also for defending me! Not sure why Monika thinks I'm risking my baby's life & being selfish as she do know me. The midwives feel confident that I can deliver naturally but if he's no here by 15th then they're going to perform the c section. They're going to monitor me closely because of last time so I actually have a very safe controlled delivery planned however he comes into the World, I'm just fed up with the constant pain with no sign of him making an appearance 😞

  • Leamice-- As you rightfully said you personally wouldn't cancel the c-section but how can she tell she would be that fortunate to survive giving birth naturally ? Pregnant women will always be looking forward in meeting their little ones, we count the days down every second, giving birth is such a dramtic experience and we all hope for the best, but why putting your life at risk becuase of wanting to proof to mother nature that you know best ? Not a wise idea.

  • I agree with leamice.

    This lady is heavily pregnant and emotional. We've all been there.

    This is a place where women can come for support from other mums, and that's exactly what she's doing. Calling her selfish for wanting a natural birth is disgusting.

  • How can it be disgusting ? She explained her situation and her history, she said she had c-section before because her baby was to BIG. Now she's experiencing the same fate, how can someone in thier rightful mind be thinking of cancelling c-section with her history. When there's a possibility of life and death you have to put emotions out the window. I had my c-section plan way before I was even 20 weeks becuase of the posibble complications and due to my history, don't you think I didn't want to push just like any other mothere's ? Yes I did but I chose commonsense and listen to the doctors advice.

    That been said if she chose to put herself through unneccessary and selfish choice, it will not adversely affect me in any shape or form becuase C-section has been around for centeries and it's been done in each and every hospital every second, nothing new. It may sound harsh but I am not hear to tell people what they want to hear, this is a forum where people ask questions and then comes answer. My opinion never change.

  • I'm not sure how you don't see that the tone of your answer is horrible. I'm sure that she realistically knows what's going to happen and that she will have to go with the doctors, she's a mother like the rest of us. And there are ways of telling her that, yes, she will probably have the c-section without being completely nasty. I don't know how you can tell her she's selfish right when she's at her most vulnerable, you must completely lack all emotional sensitivity, and frankly if you speak to everyone like that I feel sorry for the people in your life. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

  • As I said before I don't give false hope and one got be pragmatic and be realistic about their birthing plan, yes she is selfish becuase she's doing it to herself and not me hence it's slefish. People need to be told the truth, nothing hurts like the truth only a few attain it. It got nothing to do with lack of emotion.

    Everyone around me knows I state the facts hence they have nothing to be worried about. If they don't need my opinion then they keep their concern to themselves. This is not a children forum but adult who need to hear the truth. The fact that other's may be trying to give nice and comforting words dosen't mean I have to do the same when I have my own opinion. Nothing is worng in giving a few words of comfort but I cannot hide away from the truth. She's just SELFISH, but as I said before her choice dosen't affects me.

  • First of all, you really need to look up the definition of selfish. "Yes she is selfish becuase (sic) she's doing it to herself and not me"...that's really not what selfish means.

    Furthermore, "nothing hurts like the truth"? It really incenses me that you would actively want to hurt a heavily pregnant woman's feelings. Her hormones are already clearly causing havoc in her system and you want to make that worse?!? Wow. Besides, the truth doesn't have to hurt at all. I suggest you read the other comments to see that. This is actually described as a 'community', and as such we are all here to support each other. It is frankly obvious, if you read between the lines and don't just take this on face value (which is obviously what you have done), that this mum needs emotional support and reassurance. It is littered with phrases such as "starting to feel really low", "I'm feeling like a total failure" and "It's soul destroying". She has her doctors for medical advice, she's obviously looking for support from her peers and to hear other mums' experiences.

    Also, you are confusing having an opinion with being outright nasty. I suggest you work on that.

    I will not be replying to you again. I don't waste my time talking to nasty people like you who are determined to suck positivity from everything they come across.

    Kitkat, if you're still reading this, the rest of us will support you as you need it. Please feel free to reply to us and I'm sure I speak for the other mums in saying we'll help you as much as we can. You're going through something so magical, try not to lose sight of that :) xx

  • Sorry dear but I cannot help you with your feelings about my opinion whcih stand. I am not a doctor but a mom who gives birth and was put in that same situation. I am not here to carry people in cotton wool, if we are adult enough to have sex them we should should be preapre to take advice or whatever come our way. Happy easter. As I said before her choice and your opinion about I been nasty is neither here nor there with me. You as dam right not to answer becuase you are just a waste a space and non-entity.

  • You have been reported to the moderators.

  • That wont stop me from living

  • Contrary to popular beliefs, the moderators of this community are not a team of highly skilled assassins so it is unlikely that it will 'stop you from living'.

  • Actually Monika they want me to have a natural delivery! I freaked out because of last time and asked for a c section if there's no baby by the 15th!

  • For your info...the midwives feel very confident that I can deliver naturally & I will be monitored very closely however he comes into the World!! I've already had extensive talks with the Obsetrics clinic & consultant midwives & have a very good plan put in place but they feel very confident that I can labour naturally & safely & if something were to go wrong of course I would tell the Dr's to do whatever they could to deliver my baby safely!! Like I did last time!! I think you're sadly mistaken on my motives for writing this post because of your own experience but before you judge others so harshly you should think a little bit harder about your reply!! I have a wonderfully healthy, happy boy & I have an amazing relationship with him!!! I'm just upset at the moment because I've been cramping & contracting all week with no sign that my baby is coming & that's so upsetting for me! Sorry your such a bitter person, you're not actually speaking the truth in this instance, you're just being hateful!

  • I am happy you have responded to your post, even though it may sound harsh but based on what you have explained , I have to drwn my own opinion on the info you have provided. This is a forum where people have different views and different experiences hence you will get mix views. That been said am happy you have consider the best possible option where your health is concern and the baby.

    What ticks me off is the the fact that when you are giving birth you are expecting the best medical help possible becuase you are in a very vulnerable position and taking the doctors advice is very important.

    I know how upsetting it is when you are hoping to delivery and no baby coming, it's fustrating but as a mother you have to make the best possible choice. In my opinion I would go for the c-section becuase baby heart rate can drop and complication can sets in. I had my csection and it wasn't something that I desire to have but becuase of medical reasons I have no other options and never care less how my baby arrive as long as she arrives safely and I do wish the same for you. Am not bitter towards you as a person but your desire of having a natural birth baesd on your history is what ticks me off, even though it doens't adversly affects me but Iv'e been through the same situation where making a decision in giving birth is a very critical.

  • "your desire of having a natural birth baesd on your history is what ticks me off"

    Seriously?! I don't know what 'history' you are alluding to - if it's the fact Kitkat had a caesarean with her first then, Monika, you need to educate yourself. I'm sorry you obviously had a negative birth experience but that is not the norm. There is absolutely no place here for your scaremongering and irrational negativity.

  • Simple mean you are on the wrong page don't read my comments just give it pass since it is causing you to lose sleep and mostly destroying your daily life pattern.

  • If trained medical professionals feel that this lady has a high chance of delivering naturally then your comments are irrelevant. All she wanted was to have a little pre birth moan- we've all been there when the wait & being uncomfortable gets too much.

    This forum should be a safe place to sound off without being judged and attacked because we simply don't agree with the choices others are making.

    You, like the rest of us, are entitled to your opinion, but there was no need to voice it in such a way. If you want drama & confrontation, then I suggest you go and join mumsnet

  • Just so you know ladies, monika has been banned by the moderators from originating posts and commenting because they agreed that her comments were unacceptable.

    I wanted to make sure this community is kept a safe place to air all of our feelings, and it looks like it will continue to be so :)

  • 'If you want drama & confrontation then I suggest you go and join mumsnet'

    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ brilliant!!

  • Hi Hun, it's awful when u feel your getting no where, I was in same position had been cramping 4 weeks then needed c section because baby was big 9lb11! But just remember baby won't stay inside 4 ever lol. As long as it gets here safely you will b happy- good luck x

  • Awww I understand how you must be feeling. It's a low point waiting for baby at the best of times. Don't compare yourself to other women, you will only make yourself feel worse, and every birth is different! I think you will unfortunately just have to trust in the doctors and know that you will have your baby by the 15th. I know it's hard, but try and concentrate on keeping yourself busy to try and take your mind off things, and pamper yourself. Plenty of warm baths and cups of tea.

    Maybe speak to your midwife about how you're feeling too, if you haven't already. They're there to support you, not just physically but emotionally too. Will you be having a sweep done? Mine definitely brought on labour.

    Bset wishes and good luck, hope everything goes well for you xx

  • Hello Kitkat5283,

    Wasn't so long ago that I was also playing the waiting game and I can totally relate to the frustration you're feeling. Everyone had convinced me I was going to have my baby early (because I'm petite and my belly didn't seem like it go grow any further - stupid reasoning but I swallowed their logic hook-line-and-sinker!) Plus my mother laboured at 36 weeks with her first, and my sisters' first came at 37 weeks too. In my head, 'full-term' for me would be 37 weeks so as soon as I hit that milestone I was convinced labour was hours away from starting.

    Anyway, I got to 38 weeks and felt thoroughly disappointed to still be pregnant. Then 39 weeks passed and I thought surely this week is the one - we filled the car with fuel we were so convinced. I even had a 'bloody show' and a night of vomiting - google told me labour was imminent, my doctor friends said 1 more week max.

    40 weeks came. Still pregnant. Fed up, I wanted me and my husband to have time with the baby together before the in-laws visited (they were coming for 4 weeks the next day.) I pleaded with this baby to get it's act together and come that night... No such luck - 41 weeks... Now I was worried baby was never coming on it's own terms, I was staying pregnant forever. Eventually we went to see the doctor, because I was over 40 weeks we discussed my options (I gave birth in South Africa so this is likely different to what you've been offered)... I wanted a natural birth, I'd done so much reading and research - more than anything I wanted to experience labour and push the baby out myself! They talked about a c-section but I wasn't happy. Instead I was booked in for an induction in 5 days time (still not happy about this because I'd also read how any medical intervention in labour is likely to lead to more) but I did feel some joy that in 5 days time I would not be pregnant anymore, or at least on my way to not being pregnant anymore!!

    Two days went by, I'd resigned myself to the fact that this baby was coming out only with medical help. I took some time with my husband (and the visiting family) to enjoy the last few days of zero responsibilities. And we did enjoy them, I had some great days at the beach, I threw myself into the ocean and played like a dolphin in the big waves (much to the horror of everyone else on the beach!)... At the same time I mentally prepared myself for the induction, so much so, that when labour started on it's own accord I was genuinely surprised!

    I would happily write my whole birth story if it served to distract you from waiting for your baby to appear, but maybe I have waffled for far too long already!!

    Depending on your team at the hospital, I think most places are happy to let you get to 42 weeks without intervention - if you are really keen on a natural birth you should discuss this with them. Maybe instead of cancelling your c-section you could see if you can postpone it? Therefore giving your body (and baby) more time to do it 'naturally'...

    That said, if you want to postpone it and wait, patience is key! You aren't even 'full-term' yet (40 weeks, and in France full term is considered 41 weeks!) Believe me, I know how soul destroying the wait can be, and how annoying it is when people say 'they'll come when they are ready' - but that is so true. I am glad now that my baby came 9 days late. He was stronger for it, for sure! That said I was one of the lucky ones that had a quick labour, I can't imagine having early labour contractions for days :( That must really be wearing you down and having patience must be so much harder for you, so I do really feel for you.

    Try your best to enjoy the last few days/weeks without a newborn. As you know, it's so hectic when they do arrive. What you'd give then for a moment to yourself! Read a good book (I highly recommend 'The Good Birth Companion' by Nicole Croft if you do want a pep-talk for natural birth), go for a walk, nap away (while you can) or have a nice bath.

    Plently of women do VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) so it is possible (if your medical team are supportive of this). But at the end of the day, once your baby arrives, how they got there feels a lot less relevant. Just because I got a vaginal birth it doesn't make me a success, so I c-section can't possibly make you a failure. The true measure of success and failure comes long after labour and delivery :)

    Best wishes and good luck, sorry for the waffle but as I said, if you read all this maybe the distraction is appreciated haha! xxxx

  • Hey Kitkat, do not listen to Monika.

    She does not know your circumstances and makes a judgement, which I not think is the point of this forum. Is it?

    So here is my personal experience.

    My first child was born by emergency C section at 32 weeks and I thought I was helpless at even bringing my baby to term.

    I went on to have a second child by VBAC, which is what you are hoping for. A C section for the 15 th is good because, if you cannot give birth naturally, your baby will be delivered safely at 41/42 weeks, right? My second arrived at 40 weeks and 3 days and like you I laboured for the whole week before she showed up! Remember that although this is your second child, this is your first labour. First labours are always longer. I would ask for a sweep at 40 weeks.

    I am now expecting my third child and I hope to also have a VBAC. I was told the labour should be quicker this time and I was told I could have one when I reach 40 weeks.

    Just sit tight and keep your mind open. Relax and think that things do not always go to plan and that the most important is that you and baby are safe and in good health.

    All the best and good luck;0)

  • I make my judgement on her details description, even though we have different experiences in giving birth. In her last paragraph she said her friend just sneeze and her baby arrives, comparison is the reason behind her desire which am afraid wont work in her favor. My friends just cough and her baby just poped out in no time. I had to go through a few hurdles even though I had C-section. Having C-section doesn't make you lest of a woman but in the end each and every single person have a right in chosing their choosen way of giving birth.

  • Hi girls,

    Monika15 has now been reported to the moderators for her disgusting comments which clearly violate the community's terms of use.

    If you think the same about her posts then I would ask you to do the same and get her kicked off the community. The mums on here need help and support, not patronising, belittling and bullying.

    We also need intelligent responses. Resorting to (factually inaccurate) playground insults such as "you are a waste of space and a non-entity" clearly does not meet this criteria. Let's stand up to this bully/troll.

    Thanks for your support girls.

    And Kit kat, sorry your post has been somewhat hijacked but I hope you have found some useful advice. Xx

  • That doesn't change a thing , if you get some form of justification and satifaction from that, then good luck to you becuase I wont be losing sleep over that.

  • Thank you 😊 yes I'm trying eveverything to get this baby out! My 1st little boy was perfectly healthy & still is. Thank you also for defending me! Not sure why Monika thinks I'm risking my baby's life & being selfish as she do know me. The midwives feel confident that I can deliver naturally but if he's no here by 15th then they're going to perform the c section. They're going to monitor me closely because of last time so I actually have a very safe controlled delivery planned however he comes into the World, I'm just fed up with the constant pain with no sign of him making an appearance 😞

  • You don't have to justify yourself Hun, everyone else seems to "get" how you feel, so don't let monika's harsh words get to you. And don't let it put you off posting again.

    I know your frustrated, but remind yourself that your nearly there. Labour could start at any time so just hang in there and spend some 1-1 time with your son while you can as I'm sure your going to be juggling a lot once baby arrives. And if labour doesn't start, well then only just over a week to go :)

    Take care Hun, I hope you get the birth you want :) xxx

  • Just ignore monika, her comments really aren't important. The rest of us understand you!

    My lo was overdue and absolutely nothing worked! She came exactly when she wanted to! It was definitely a sign of things to come 😊

    Have the doctors recommended anything you can take for the pain to make it any easier? Have you tried a TENS machine?


  • I'm doing my best to stay off the painkillers until absolutely necessary because they become ineffective with me quite quickly unfortunately but all they said was paracetamol, hot baths & rest. I didn't get on with the TENs machine last time so haven't got one x

  • Silly question really, sure you'll have been over the options plenty of times already!

    Any changes today? Xx

  • Nope I'm afraid not :-( went for a long walk & had an amazing day out so we'll see how that pans out. Either way at least I had a fantastic day out with my boy & husband to take my mind of things. Boy are my legs tired now though lol

  • Thank you 😊 I really appreciate the kind words! X

  • I didn't read through all the comments, so I am sorry if I write something what you have already read. But have you tried, spicy food? Having an intercourse with your partner? Lots of walking? Pineapple? And enjoy the time with your 1st child, because you will be so busy in the beginning with your new baby, that you will feel sorry for your 1st and you will also feel guilty for how many times you will say to him, you have to wait honey. And in the beginning he will patiently wait, but after a while he will realize that you say wait a 100 times a day because of the new arrival. Best of Luck!

  • Thank you Adriana, I seem to have tried everything including bouncing on my gym ball with my little boy, which he finds hilarious lol I'm trying to ignore it as best as I can but the constant pain has really got to me over the last few days. My boy won't except wait bless him ☺️ He'll still climb all over me! Love him to pieces 😍

  • Hi KitKat

    Have you heard of raspberry leaf tea? I was told that it can help start the labour if you are overdue. Your probably can find this in a health shop. Why don't you ask your midwife if it is ok for you to take it?

    I am glad that you have ignored Monika's comments. We all understand where you are coming from, but her apparently.

    Good luck and sit tight!

  • Thank you 😊 I'll look into it

  • Hi all, I don't wish to get overly involved with the previous comments, just putting it out there. Has no one discussed Induction with you as apposed to going straight into the C Section?? X

  • Spooky, I was just saying that to my husband. They'll induce me if there's no progress with a natural labour so I'll mention further options with my midwife on Friday when I see her. Thank you x

  • Maybe a good stretch and sweep is on order if you've been showing all these early stages of labour & get bouncing on the gym ball etc. I did drink raspberry leaf tea which I saw was mentioned above but it's only suppose to tone up the uterus I think for good contracting.

    I was fighting against induction in favour of a more natural delivery as I had be 'categorised' high risk due to my age....I didn't think inducing me at 40 weeks was right as was based on no medical evidence, I felt pigeon holed. As it turns out I thought my waters had gone so went for a check, they told me they hadn't (I still think I lost hind waters) so I had a sweep, they agreed to postpone my induction for a week and to return 3 days later for another if no baby, when I went for 2nd sweep my babies Heart Rate was higher then desirable so we tried all day to bring it down without luck so I agreed to be induced that night as i felt now we had good reason.

    If your not keen on the section then maybe a sweep or synthetic hormones can get you going ;-) x

    Hope your baby makes an appearance v soon :-)

  • Firstly, sorry if this post comes across as a little insensitive if baby isn't here yet (please believe me when I say it isn't meant that way)

    But is baby here yet, I've been sat here waiting for a post, to hear news! I so want this birth to go so well for you!!! I've strangely turned into an overly excitable and emotional wreck since becoming pregnant and babies are just the bestest thing in the world!!!

    Ohhhh, I hope you're ok. And you're in a much happier place than you were....... Come on baby kitkat!!!!

  • I'm in early/latent labour at the mo 😊 contractions started yesterday but then subsided & are starting to make a small appearance again today. Fingers crossed he doesn't keep us waiting too much longer! I'm in a much better place emotionally, didn't have a good check up on Friday so went & had a lovely aromatherapy massage that did the trick.

    I know how you feel about the all consuming "babies" on the brain constantly lol I watch One Born Every Minute religiously, even saw a re-run of an episode & pointed out to my LO that the room they were filming in in was where I was when I was having him before the c section (he wasn't impressed just carried on playing with his trains, occasionally coming over for a cuddle whilst I happily blubbed my way through the episode LOL). I hope everything goes well for you & I'll be sure to post on here once my baby has decided to show himself 😊

  • A www brilliant, I'm so happy for you sweety. Those silly contractions best be here to stay now!

    Can't wait to hear good news x

  • Well it's been a traumatic couple of weeks to say the least so sorry for not responding sooner! My contractions started the Saturday morning but I started vomiting heavily too. Went into labour ward as the plan was that if I started to labour naturally then they would monitor me closely. They monitored my contractions but because I was so ill they tailed off. I was so dehydrated that my pee was orange & despite the fact that I informed them that I couldn't even keep my fluids down they said this was perfectly normal in labour!! Really!! They sent me home even though the plan was to monitor me & said I had to be in established labour before they'd keep me in. Contractions started again that night & just as I was about to call in because they were regular at 3min apart, lasting a minute & had been for a good 2 hours they tailed off again & I was sick!! 😞 called them on the Sunday & the midwives weren't interested in the slightest!! On the Monday I had my pre-clerking appointment & was so ill. When they took my bloods I started shaking uncontrollably because I was so weak & asked for some extra anti-sickness tablets to help me keep my fluids in & try to eat something but their response was "sorry can't do that"! I was so weak & exhausted on the Tuesday that I could barely walk! Called the Dr & they said they couldn't see me as they were too busy, so demanded that the Day Unit take me in, which they did reluctantly πŸ˜’ once there they again tried to fob me off but after checking my sample got the Dr in!! The Dr immediately put me on an IV & wasn't happy that this hadn't been done on the Saturday! Needless to say that if they had I'd have had a better chance of having my baby naturally like they wanted but it was too late & I had my beautiful baby boy by elective c section on Wednesday 15th. On the day it was great, really well planned, calm & the care I got was fantastic but I'm going to be putting in a complaint about my treatment prior to because they really failed me at every opportunity & women shouldn't have to go through all that stress in what should be a wonderful experience 😞 I feel gutted that I couldn't do it naturally & now have to recover from the op whilst trying not to pick up my toddler, but at least my baby is happy & healthy. I have my husband around to help me out for the next couple of weeks & I have my family close by too so I'm really lucky. Thanks all for the help & support ladies!!

  • Congratulations Hun! Pleased to read that baby arrived safely but I agree it sounds like you were completely let down :( I hope they take your complaint seriously.

    Hope you've all settling well at home & healing fine- thank goodness for family eh. Big hugs xx

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