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20 weeks and feeling really down

Hi guys, pre warning you, I just need a good rant!!.

I was told at age 13 that id never be able ti have children, now at age 20 im expecting a little boy!

Me and the baby's dad split a week after finding out I was pregnant. I left him cause he blew a weeks wages on cocaine and I dont want that around my child! Im now in a new relationship with my best friend! We have known eachother for almost 10 years and finally have decided to give it a go :)

But my babys dad obviously isnt best pleased and decided that he didnt want to come to any scans, appointments or have anything to do with the baby. That really upset me but I know hes probably just angry right? So I kept him up to date on the baby regardless as of he changes his mind hell regret missing out.

I had my 20 week scan on Thursday and found out im having a boy! So I text the babys dad to let him know hes going to have a son. He thanked me by phoning me and shouting abuse at me. Calling me all names imagineable. A few hours later I got a message on facebook, I dont know who its from as they blocked me straigh after sending it. The message had some really hurtful things in, this person had said I "shouldnt be allowed my baby and should have been sterilised at birth"

I just cant help but think ive done something wrong! I mean how can so many people be against me when im just trying to do whats best for my child.

Am I doing the right thing? Seriously doubting myself now.

Sorry for the rant and thank you for reading all this if you made it this far :)

8 Replies

I think you have done a kindness trying to keep the dad involved. But from what you have posted to me it may be a more healthy option not to bother. And these messages are disgusting try to ignore it, and just focus on taking care of you and the baby.



First of all, I hope the pregnancy is going well? It's lovely to hear that against the odds, you're expecting :-)

From what you've said, you've done the right thing to leave the baby's Father. And, as Curlyk250 has said, you've been very kind and mature by trying to keep him updated - if it was me, I'm not sure if I'd have done the same thing. Maybe (in my opinion) it would be for the best if you cut the contact, especially if he's going to verbally abuse you? Let him earn your trust again, and give him time to grow up! As for the Facebook message - first of all, how mature of the sender, to send it via social media (!!) If there's any way you can report it to Facebook, then do so.

You've done nothing wrong - you're trying to protect yourself and your child, which is 100% the right thing to do! Try not to be upset or stressed, which is easier said than done.

Finally, there's nothing wrong with a good rant :-) X


I agree with Curly and Apple - so proud of you for having the guts to call out for help, so proud of you for being uber strong and putting your baby's health and wellbeing above and beyond anything else, so proud of you for trying to do the right thing in regards to ex. They are amazing human achievements in themselves. You're pregnant!! Against all odds!! And you've already made some of the hardest decisions a mother will ever make!! And you're still really young - just imagine what a wonderful woman you're growing into being! Rejoice in your new partner, look after you and baby and f**k anyone else off who brings negative vibes into your wonderfully positive life. If you get any more grief, just shout and we'll send in the Cavalry :) Good Luck and enjoy - the rest is noise you can filter out with the block, report and answer machine buttons. If the ex is worth anything at some point he'll ask to be involved. If he doesn't then it's his loss and no one can blame you. You are a veritable miracle worker and deserve to be adored :)


I agree with all the previous replies. Congratulations on your pregnancy and new relationship. Enjoy building your future with your new baby when he arrives.


I hate to sound like jumping on the bandwagon of the advice of these wonderful ladies who have replied so far, but you have definitely show a very mature and level headed response to what has obviously been a hard time for you.

you have made the best decision for you and your little boy, it was very mature of you to keep him posted, but it sounds like he is extremely immature and right now you do not need anything that is going to bring you down.

i think for now cut ties with him and take the next few months to settle into a happy home life for when your little boy arrives.


Wow!! Firstly can I just thank you lovely people for taking the time to read this and help me! Your words have honestly been just the pick me up I needed. Feel like a huge weight had been lifted after posting this.

I think your right theres only so much I can do. Its down to him now.

Thank you all again so much :) xx

1 like

You have already shown how much of a good parent you already are, you got your unborn child out of a bad environment and then, like a very responsible parent still took the high road and kept the father informed,

As for the hate mail it sounds to me that it's just generating from one source ( the ex)

And if he's of his head on drugs half the time, then he's hardly capable of saying anything worth listening to.


Also if he continues this harassment I'd suggests you cut all ties with him. If he still continues then seek an injunction, and report record any FB nastiness, your amazing don't let him ruin one of the most wonderfull times in your life xx.


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