pregnant and fed up!!

hi everyone, i'm just here to moan a little, please don't mind , i'm 32 weeks gone and have a 8 year old at home, my son is great, hes not bothering me at all, i'm just so fed up with everything, the weight gain, the breathless feeling, i feel suffocated, my back aches like never before, swollen feet and aching hands, my chest and top of my back feels hard and i feel as if i have swallowed food the wrong way as i feel like there's a thick block stuck in my throat, tea makes me feel dizzy. I wake up with swollen eyes and pain from my head (left side headache) all the way down my face and shoulder, my son thinks i'm getting ill a lot and he cries, i don't know what to do to make him understand that its all part of the pregnancy when i don't understand this myself, according to my midwife i'm very anemic and i feel it too, i want this over with, i'm very frightened of the end though as i had real bad complications when my 1st and only was born, i feel like crying everyday but i hold back as my son is at home and then my husband is great as well but he just does not understand what i'm going through, and i don't want to put more pressure on him as he does enough already, but i have had enough, i don't want to be like this anymore, i'm scared as i did not suffer as bad as this with my 1st pregnancy, i am worried that something is wrong with me, am i just thinking to much into it?

13 Replies

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  • Hey,

    It sounds like you're doing really well regarding looking after your 8 year old and being positive around him. I think children find it hard to see their parents upset, ill or in pain. He might not understand, but it's great that you're trying to reassure him that it's part of pregnancy. Try not to worry about putting pressure on your husband - it won't be forever and I'm sure if it was the other way round you'd want to help as much as possible. I know that's easier said than done, I felt the same regarding my OH. As for getting him to understand, I think all you can do is keep communicating how you feel to him.

    When I say "it's part of pregnancy", I hope you don't think I'm dismissing how you're feeling. I've not suffered from anaemia, all I can suggest with that (and the headaches), is that you keep hassling your Midwife or GP for help or answers. Meanwhile (and I'm sorry if you've been told this already), eat iron rich foods little and often. I remember the weight gain, swollen feet/legs and struggling to breathe. In this heat as well, I really feel for you! Coupled with a load of hormones, it's no wonder the third trimester sucks!

    I'm sorry to hear that you had complications previously. Is this something that you've discussed with your Midwife? It's perfectly normal to feel anxious, especially if you've had a traumatic time previously. But just because you feel you're suffering more, it does not mean there will be difficulties this time around. Remember, every pregnancy is different - I think a lot of people find labour easier when they've been through it before, as the body knows what to do!

    I hope you start to feel better soon. Keep talking about how you feel and asking questions if you have concerns. Most importantly, take care of yourself and rest when you can X

  • what a lovely reply, it s people as lovely as you that boost other peoples confidence when going through something like this, i feel so much better reading this already, i have woken up today with worse swelling around the eyes, i couldnt see so when my son came in to lie with me and have a cuddle, i had to tell him that i havent had a good sleep as his brother has been moving around in me all night and that im just tired, he completely understood and tried to massage my eyes gently, he is a good boy, i have a midwife appointment tomorrow so im hoping to get some blood test results that may explain what im going through, it may just be the heat but i would like to put my mind at ease... thank you for the reply xxx

  • Your son sounds like a little sweetie!

    I forgot to say, I had very tired and itchy eyes when I was pregnant (hayfever related), and I found using eye wash, drops and cooling masks to be helpful.

    I hope the tests go well and you get some answers :-) X

  • Oh bless you, it sounds your having a right time of it. And probably most of how you feel is totally normal. Get those results then you will be able to have some sort of action plan sorting that anaemia. In my opinion pregnancy esp in last trimester is a time for OH/ family/partners to step up. So don't feel a burden, you can't do it all by yourself and you don't have to. Try and sleep whenever you can maybe just suggest your Oh take the boy out if you happen to doze when he's there.

    Get some cucumber or a soothing- cooling get for your face ( and Avon foot spray is really nice too) get your feet up when you can to keep swelling down. And try taking some time just to do a minute or 2 of deep relaxing breaths and imagine you are blowing away the stress.

    The drs will have details if your previous birth so I'm sure they will be ready for anything, but you are not necessarily going to have complications. You are nearly at the finish line, so take some small comfort knowing that the discomfort will subside soon.

    Take care x

  • thank you for the lovely replies, it does help alot, i had alot of issues after the birth of my son, im not the type of person thats open like a book and tells their life stories but iv got no one else, no other family as i was disowned when i left my now husband as in ran away from home as i was being forced into marriage, my husband (then friend and gradually boyfriend) helped me get away and i fell pregnant with my boy 5 months later and all my family have done is cause trouble, they had my son taken away from me with false accusations that i was hurting him, my mother and sister kept him up until he was 6 months but i fought tooth and nail to get him back which i did as it was proved that i didnt do anything, then my aunt threatened to hurt him with a knife beacause according to them my son is a illegitimate child, alot more has happened that i wont mention as its too long of a list, now my mind keeps going back to all that again and i just end up feeling so low and frightened about the beginning again, i know deep down it will be different this time but i dont know if i can ever let go, i thought i did until i got to the last trimester and now them feeling of being afraid are back

  • I'm so sorry to hear what's happened with your family. I understand why you're feeling frightened. You're incredibly brave! Have you thought about talking to a counsellor? They might be able to help you lay these anxieties to rest? I've not been through what you have, but I have had counselling and it's really helpful X

  • Oh Hun, it's such a vulnerable time too. Why don't you ask you gp/midwife about some counselling to alay your fears and help you move on x

  • Oh Hun, it's such a vulnerable time too. Why don't you ask you gp/midwife about some counselling to alay your fears and help you move on x

  • Hi Samia, reading your entries and digging deep to send you the most massive hug. I've no idea what you're going through pregnancy wise, being only 12wks at 39 years of age with my first (v long story), but all I can add is that Counselling has helped and is helping me loads! I've got so much emotional baggage becos of my family and altho I'm still in contact with my sister the rest of my family are veritable sociopaths who have either disowned me or I've had to disown to keep my sanity. I just really needed a space and a person who was just mine. I found Dawn a Creative Therapist and Counsellor who specialises in women, fertility, pregnancy and post natal issues. There was so much noise and advice and things to think about, worry and consider that I was about to pop. My OH is fab but you do find yourself being conscience of laying too much on them in case thry break. My sister found the counsellor online and sent me her number. To start I saw her once a week and now we see each other every two weeks. I'm actually really happy and content now but I still see her, as it's such a special treat to have someone who knows the deep dark stuff with no fear of judgement who I can just chat to about what's happening in my life (what people get to do with normal mothers) I can't recommend it enough and I don't care about any stigma. Anything that doesn't involve drugs and makes me this content is worth everything :) And I know I harp on about it, but Accupuncture, self hypnotherapy and meditation are safe in pregnancy too and just do wonders for your general health and wellbeing. I have an accupuncturist who used to be a midwife and specialises in fertility, pregnancy and birthing. It's fantastic considering I have underlying chronic pain issues too. If you can, give them a go - I promise they will make you feel a whole lot better. Audible is a great resource for downloadable meditation and self hypnotherapy sessions - pop them on your mobile stick your headphones in and follow the instructions. They're eve on Youtube. Take care of you and give yourself a massive hug, and regardlesd of what you might think, you're doing great, you are amazingly strong and you're a real hero :)

  • thank you to everyone who responded to me and gave me such a positive sense of things, i have given birth to a premature boy, he was born on 4th august at 32wks through a c-section, he is in the neonatal unit but is coming along fantastic, i had preeclampsia so they had to get him out asap, i have been in hospital for a whole week (hate hospitals) to recover and get my blood pressure down, my son is ecstatic that his brother is here, we let our son choose the name which is dominic, my son decided that it had to be with a D as his name is Darvin.we are doing good despite what i was feeling during the pregnancy, my emotions are still up and down but this is normal after birth, but now that im home, i feel so far away from my baby, i havent held him since yesterday and i just feel that he wants me there but im not, its so hard, i would be living there if i had the choice, its just my husband takes the car to work and i cant stand for long as im still recovering from the c section otherwise i would take the bus and walk, i have to wait till 3pm for hubby to get back then we can go, im constantly ringing though to hear that he is fine, i bet the nurses are fed up of my voice, i really want him home... :(

  • Congratulations! Dominic is such a lovely name, your son obviously has good taste!

    It must be hard not being with him, but I'm really glad that you're being sensible about not standing or walking too far after the c-section. It really does take it out of you and whilst it's tempting to start rushing about, it's important that you rest and recover. I was given paracetamol and ibuprofen after I was discharged, but continued to take over the counter ones long after my prescription ran out (my Midwife said it was ok, so check with yours if you want to self medicate).

    It's good to hear that little Dominic is doing well, too. Hopefully he'll be home with you soon :-) X

  • CONGRATULATIONS!! Don't worry, I'm sure Dominic understands. This to will pass and everything is going to work out just fine. I feel it in my bones :) Take care of you and yours - I reckon we're all sending you a massive virtual hug x

  • Thanks everyone, its such a relief to know that you don't need family to have such positive influences around, my hubby, sons and the people on here are giving me enough to continue with being strong and thinking positive, thank u everyone for helping me, you really have made a difference

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