25,255 members10,253 posts

39 + 5 and feeling miserable

Hi people,

I'm in need of some reassurance. I'm feeling so miserable at the moment. I'm completely fed up of being pregnant and don't feel like I can focus on the idea of being a mum either so I just feel dreadful and like I'm not looking forward to anything at all.

I don't feel like the pregnancy will ever end, and even though I'm not officially due yet I'm really anxious about going overdue because I'm due to have a stretch and sweep on Friday with my midwife, and after having been raped 6 years ago I really don't cope well with any invasive procedures, or hospitals. I'm booked to have a home birth, and my midwife is coming to my home on Friday, because she is holiday next week when I have an appointment with another midwife I don't know at the surgery for the option of another s&s and to talk about booking induction, but i really don't feel i could cope in hospital, and the idea of a procedure at the surgery with someone I don't know is really freaking me out.

I have tried keeping mobile and relaxing and not focussing on labour, but I don't feel up to doing anything or seeing anyone today. I'm ignoring texts, emails, and phone calls because every 'how are you doing? Feels like a 'have you had the baby yet?' And I feel bad about being so unhappy when my baby is so nearly here.

Does anyone else feel like this?


3 Replies

Hi Craftingfoxcub, sounds like you are having a horrible time of it. I'm only 9wks gone, have this all to go yet - you're nearly there, at the finishing line. Nearly every single one of my friends who had children experienced exactly the same thing. I mean, this massive, it's one hard slog and you've been so strong, so courageous to go through what you have, especially in light of your experience. It sounds as though you need a little extra TLC from your loved ones - I'd demand it - you deserve it damn it. Call anyone and tell them to come over and give you a foot massage and bring some ice cream and cake and a milkshake. Call your beautician and tell her to come over and get a manicure, pedicure, facial. Have a long hot soak in the bath with bubbles, candles and your favourite CD. Love you. It won't be long before you're going to have to love someone else all the time, so don't waste a moment on anyone else but yourself. I've also been reading up on Doula's as I'm afraid of having a different MW during my pregnancy and birth. I have underlying health issues and I know how pee'd off I'm going to get explaining my situation to each one, hoping that they understand. A Doula is a woman experienced in all this pregnancy and birth stuff who stands by you throughout the pregnancy (what MW used to do). You can have them as one of your birth partners and I've read that the peace they bring you can shorten the labour and reduce the pain and they can be on call for you and your new born when you get home - someone just for you, who understands you and what you've been through. I know you've only got a little while to go, but it's an option and may help you feel less lonely and afraid. I googled and found loads of info on Doula's near me. Hope this has helped. Don't know how useful I've been but I heard your cry and didn't want you to feel alone. Here if you need me. Chin up. You're wonderful. X


Oh god, the texts and phone calls....that was the worst bit about being pregnant! My OH's Mum even did if I wouldn't tell her?!?! Needless to say, people soon stopped when I replied "Yes, we've had her, she's now at boarding school"!

I had similar frustrations towards the end of my pregnancy (in the end, my LO was born 9 days overdue), feeling unhappy, wondering when it would end, etc. A lot of it was down to first-time-Mum nerves and hormones. You're not alone in feeling like this. I found doing little things for myself (watching a good film, getting my nails painted, etc) helped, as did spending quality time with my OH. It's ok to not want to see people, I didn't either! Make sure you take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through, I can understand why you're anxious. Does your midwife know about the rape? If not, it's important to talk to her before she goes away, and tell her why you feel that way. She also may able to suggest some other support, leading up to labour? Remember, you don't HAVE to have a sweep, either. I don't know if it's any help, but I had an attempted sweep by a different MW and I found it reassuring that she explained what she was doing - I felt a bit more 'in control' and aware of what was going on.

I don't have a lot of advice and this probably sounds trite, but although a sweep (and if needbe, going to hospital) isn't comfortable for you (both mentally and physically), try and focus on the end result - turn the negativity and fear into the positive feelings of seeing and holding your baby.


1 like

Hi there, sorry to hear you're feeling so rotten. Experiencing something similar at 38+4. Maybe it's a mixture of our hormones and knowing the big change that is about to happen? not sure. Is this your first? Not sure if it's similar but I am sick of talking about being pregnant, sick of being pregnant, yet at the same time not wanting her to come out because I'm scared that I'll feel worse once I'm a mother .... sick of talking about babies, etc. I don't feel excited at all about having her and it makes me feel really guilty. She's due in 10 days. I've started nagging my partner about stupid things that don't matter and crying about comments that I wouldn't usually be sensitive to. Everybody keeps telling me to put my feet up and relax but I can't relax not knowing how or when it's going to happen ... tomorrow or in two weeks, naturally or by intervention, etc. also hate the idea of having to go to hospital (just moved house so didn't have time to arrange a home birth) and feel sick everytime I have had to go near the delivery suite for scans/heart traces etc. Basically feeling trapped between not wanting to be pregnant and not wanting to be a mother. x


You may also like...