postpartum depression

Hello all,

I was suggested by a friend to look into this community of NCT.

I am an (now) overweight mum with nearly 11 months old daughter. I kept to a healthy weight gain during my pregnancy. It was rather uneventful, the baby was overdue by 10 days and finally delivered with forceps. I got internal bleeding and was moved to the OT not allowing the time to breastfeed my healthy gorgeous baby. The baby spent the first 3 hours in this world crying in dad's lap. and none of the midwives came to soothe the baby or help my husband calm her down.

After moving back home my hopes of all the support from family members came falling on ground. baby was a like a toy, everyone wanted to be around when she is calm and sleepy and no one will take a crying baby home, I was forced to bottle feed and heard nasty comments like 'you dont make enough milk for her size' from my own mum. within days at home, my milk-ducts started blocking up I was screaming and crying in pain unaware of what is really happening, my mum and mum-in-law were completely useless and baby ended up being dehydrated and nose-fed. I was so let down.

My mum stayed for around 2 months and I was very scared and conscious through that time. After she left we did not talk at all until I planned my trip to meet my father after 6 months. At my Dad's home too she was not present, despite earlier promising me that she will help with the baby and I dont need to look for a full-time support. I wanted some time to recover myself as I have been looking after the baby and house all by myself with no family member around or even friend (we do not have any friend with baby and it just made it difficult to meet too often although friends do understand our side and are up for any thing we plan but I have not been able to ask anyone to take care of the baby as they really dont know anything about babies)

So at Dad's home I was again all by myself. My dad was too scared to pick the baby (which eventually he got over with during my last week of stay at his place) and my mum was just not in the same town even.

I have to start work in 10 days and I am not ready for it. It is all weighing me down so much that I have been having thoughts of harming myself. I have been very very agitated over the past whole month (it has gone from feeling guilty to feeling miserable, to feeling ok to feeling miserable again to feeling agitated over the past 11 months. And I do not remember a day when I have laughed freely in this whole time.

I am crying almost whole of the day. And the fact that my daughter prefers her dad over me is not helping either (she would rush to him the moment she hears his voice). On the other hand my husband is not very good in practical stuff like making sure that the diaper dont leak (and I dont have an extra round of laundry) getting a bottle of milk in the night (because the baby is crying and I am trying to soothe her - she is sick can do with some extra milk). Plus he nags and has too many opinions

And I am feeling at an edge where I really feel I should slap my husband endlessly, drown myself in a tub or just jump of a building with my baby. I am not sure if it is a temporary condition or if I am facing postpartum depression (and I would understand if none of you knew it either).

I want to go to my GP but I have been to my GP so many times with the baby that I am sure he will turn me down with leaflets and advise on being more active. But the fact is over the last week I have been so low that i dont even feel like getting up in the morning.

I have told my husband how I feel and few other people and told them specifically I need help. I got hugs each time, but nothing more than that.

has anyone else been through this and may have any practical advise on coming out of it. I hate being like this and I hate when I am unable to even speak to my daughter (she is such a cute little monkey, a chirpy bird!)

sorry for the long post and I forgot to mention that i gained 20 kgs after I stopped breast feeding in February. I looked lie a big baloon for my 30th birthday.

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11 Replies

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  • So sorry to hear how you are feeling. Please make an appointment to see your gp immediately. They can't help you unless you see them and are TOTALLY honest about how you are feeling. It is a very common issue, your health visitor or midwife should have given you information regarding postnatal depression when you had your little one. Never feel guilty about seeing the gp, it's what they are there for.

    And as for the weight gain, you may find that when you are starting to feel a bit better in yourself the weight sorts itself out. please please see your gp. And remember there are always people on here who will reply so don't feel bad

  • Oh dear, sounds like you've having a rough time of it. You definitely should see your gp as you need to look after yourself too. I started having a lot of negative feelings when my little one was a few months old and realised I hadn't been able to laugh and enjoy life as before. My gp picked up on it and gave me advice - I really hadn't twigged that I was depressed. I found getting out and about to baby groups helped - even though I'm not a natural socialiser.

    I returned to work just after Easter. In the last month or so before going back, I found my negativity returning. However, now I'm back at work and in a routine things are much better. My son loves going to nursery and interacting with the other children and staff. Any guilt I feel is quickly countered by the knowledge that I am providing for my family and my son is thriving in his new routine.

    As for your weight - you are still young and have time to change that around. One step at a time. The most important thing is for you and your little one to be healthy and happy. I wish you all the very best xx

  • Yes I find it so difficult to socialize in mummy groups - and I have found myself so much cut out even in baby groups. I tried to go to some, but somehow I am not able to even start small talks.

    This is bit weird as otherwise I had a lot of friends during my university days (all of us have moved out since but we are still house on fire when we meet). I cant understand that why I end up being so introvert in mummy groups.

  • Thanks a lot for replying back to me so quick.

    I have decided and told my husband that I want to meet the GP tomorrow. Telling him was important as I hope he will be able to help me out to go see the GP in case I feel so low as not being able to go on my own initiative.

    I only hope that in future if we ever face a divorce (i hope that never happens) that this be not held against me for taking my baby away (I have been reading a bit on NHS action for depression page where a lot of mums have found themselves loosing child custody because of depression). Wish me luck please and send me good vibes.

    Health to you all

  • He is a nice guy otherwise!

  • Hi. Please do see ur gp. Im lucky I haven't had post natal depression but have suffered with depression, throughout my teenage years and early 20's, I have lost jobs, friends and been seen at specialist units. Please believe me when I say these feelings will pass but you must get help but recognising how you feel is a huge step so well done. Dont worry about your weight now,the more important thing is to get you better. Oh and as for losing custody of your baby because you are depressed, I think its highly unlikely, no one has suggested anything like it to me and as you can see from the above I have a long history of depression. You'd have to actually harm your baby or b incapable of looking after yourself for them to even consider this and even then far more is known about depression now so I just dont think it would happen in your case. Please dont let this thought stop u seeking help xxxxx

  • Hi all, thanks for the support. I am really glad I talked it out here as well and heard from you all. I went to the GP this morning and he suggested me to talk to the counselor at my work organization (they apparently do have one which my GP was aware of). He suggested that NHS counselling might take a long wait but at work I can get to talk to someone immediately.

    He also said to meet him again in 2 weeks and he wanted to review how I feel then.

    I was crying whole time, so I am not sure if I was able to convey to him what I am really feeling. And would see if I should take medication (although I do not want to)

    I would welcome any practical suggestions that you may have (or might have used yourself) to get started (as I desperately want to) and to maintain a better attitude (I did go to Yoga class which made me feel good atleast that day, but I find it very very difficult to continue doing it)

  • I'm glad you went to see your g.p. and it's great that you will get counselling soon. I also got very teary when I saw my g.p. - I think it was letting out feelings I had previously bottled up.

    Somehow having a baby can really knock your confidence and I remember with my first I actually sold my car because I had no confidence to drive it! It does get better.

    I found going out and about helped me - not just the baby groups, but popping out to the shops and going for walks. If you can face the yoga class again I think it would be really good - making it a habit can be good.

    Hope all goes well for you and pop back here with any questions or if you need more advice xx

  • Hi manu29,

    Have only been able to scan through your messages and the replies, I haven't been on here for ages but glanced the heading for your message in my junk box before emptying and felt I needed to read and reply. You have done really well asking for help, keep at your gp and if he doesn't help immediately next time find another gp (you may find a female one may be more understanding). Don't be scared of medication, depression is primarily down to a disturbance in the brain and antidepressants just help rebalance, a gp should be able to guide you as to the most suitable ones. I'm going through something similar myself at present, and similarly have very little help from family or friends, I have bought a book called 'Eyes without sparkle' from amazon, I've only just started it but am finding it helpful as it's a straight forward insight into someone else's experience.

    I have 2 children and I ignored the symptoms after my first was born, then wouldn't consider medication as we were trying for another baby (which took nearly 4 years), I've been poorly on and off since my second was born 5 months ago, which has dragged me down to an all time low. It's going to be a long journey to get back to being me, I have good days an bad days (and down right awful days), I just keep telling myself it has to get better. Anti-depressants and counseling will play their part and one day I'll enjoy being a mum. Don't do what I did first time round, it's not easy but better faced now than letting it set in, I wish I'd sought help then instead of waiting.

    Good luck, and it does get easier.x

  • Hi Manu, I think the other posters have all given really good advice. I would just add that don't be scared of the medication, it might really help. I've been on anti-depressants before and they helped me. As well as getting out, going for walks, talking to friends and counselling. Have you thought about calling Mind? 0300 123 3393, it's open 9am-6pm and they can talk you through the pros and cons of the meds and what other things can help you deal with your depression. Also, please do tell people that you're thinking of harming yourself, it can help them understand just how serious this is. You've done so well going to the GP and talking about how you're feeling, keep up the good work and take care of yourself xx

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