Granddad advice please

[Amburns]

I need some advice, my dad has been coming around every week since my boy was born- before that I hadn't seen him for 12years- we have never spoke about the past and don't really want to go back there- sounds horrid but I have gone through morning my dad so I little feeling for him- I know I'm doing the right thing letting him see his grandchild but it's getting me down- my dad turns up, hardly speaks, watches me struggle while I try and cook or clean with my little one wanting my attention- even with a gentle hint ask granddad to play or way don't you go outside together so I can finish the housework. It's now getting bad as my dad expects feeding every week and I'm struggling to avoid this- what with child are costs as I work full time. I was thinking of asking him not to come each week but my partner said it was cruel. I really don't know what to do- I'm starting to Fred Saturdays- and I'm made to feel guilty when I want an hour or two to myself. My 20weeks with my second child so think that is adding to my dilemma- advice needed what should I do

[Hidden]

Hey Amburns,

Sounds like you're feeling a bit smothered, I think I would be in that situation, too!

It's not "cruel" to ask him not to come over, especially if he just sits there and expects to be waited on hand and foot whilst you struggle! So, try not to feel guilty for wanting your own space, as you've done nothing wrong.

My first thought for a solution was getting out of the house more- maybe a play date, or arranging something with your OH and son? Then, if your Dad asks to come round, you can say that you've got plans.

However, the above suggestion is a short term one, and I think that unless you're honest with him, then he'll keep turning up when you don't want him to. I understand it's hard to say no to someone, or tell them not to visit, but I really think it's for the best. You could say something like how every week is a bit too much and that you want to spend time alone with your son so you can explain to him about the new baby. Also, that you would like some time to yourself because of working full time. Compromise - try and arrange every other week, or every three weeks or even to go and visit him instead of him coming to you (that way, you've got more 'control' over when you see him?)

Hopefully, your Dad will understand that you're just looking out for yourself, and you're not trying to be mean or stop him from seeing his Grandson.

Hope this helps X

[Amburns in reply to Hidden]

Thanks that has helped- sounds easy to do but can't help feeling it will be a difficult conversation- I'm going over there next weekend for a wedding anniversary so I'll think I'll say something then as we'll be on mutual grounds. Thanks again

[Hidden in reply to Amburns]

It will be quite difficult :-(, but being on mutual grounds will be good though. I hope it goes ok! X

[candiceandsesame]

I had a similar situation with my parents in law. They were coming over weekly. I just made different plans on different days. I couldn't bear them coming every Monday regularly.

they now come over about fortnightly but on different days. Sometimes they come in the afternoon and stay for fish and chips with my oh . Other times they come in the morning for a few hrs and we go for walk etc. I often ask them to watch lo whilst I do housework.

They never offer to help me they just want to hold her. Which is annoying as she's 6months now and really wants to play. I just have to tell them what I want.