Hi to all you mothers and mothers to be.
I am the mother of a beautiful 20 week old baby boy called Connor.
While pregnant I used to read the information and posts on this site though I very rarely commented and I thought it would be the perfect place to voice my worries.
I had a wonderful pregnancy and a pretty uncomplicated birth. Since then things have started slightly unravelling and due to circumstances, I find it hard to ask the question of Am I coping? to the people i'd normally not hesitate to ask. So I was hoping any of you lovely ladies would listen to my story and any comments of how I can find coping with things any easier. Also i'm very sorry if this is a long post.
As I said Connors birth went well. I had the normal problems in the early months of trying ( and failing after a month of trying) to breast feed. Otherwise other than the normal frustrations and sleepless night my little man is my world and makes my day everyday.
Connor was born on 13th December 2013.
In January my mam found a lump in her breast which was found to be cancerous. This is the second time she has had breast cancer though the first time was when I was only 5 years old. Between then and now she has had a mastectomy and all the lymph nodes in her armpit removed.
She was due to start chemo two weeks ago but has suffered from a viral infection so has not been able to start yet.
Hearing my Mam had cancer so close to her fist grandchild being born has been devastating. Even 2 months on I don't think with having a new baby I've really had the time to get my head around it.
I find that trying to balance helping to care for both my mam and my son to be exhausting. My wider family have been wonderful helping out as much as they can but I feel frustrated that I can't be there 100% for both of them at the same time and that when i'm with my mam I often to have to ask others to look after Connor because as much as my Mam loves seeing him she doesn't have the energy to help look after him and also finds it hard to rest and get sleep with a young baby around. Then obviously because I have to leave Connor with others while i'm helping my Mam I feel guilty about missing time with my baby. Then after that there's the general housekeeping etc.. that I just can't bear facing sometimes.
The last couple of weeks have been particularly hard. As I said my Mam has suffered from a virus and had asked for me not to come and visit her, on top of that Connor has been poorly with conjunctivitis and has also been suffering from constipation so has been an unhappy baby, then just over the last couple of days I've been ill and now I have conjunctivitis.
I speak to my Mam everyday on the phone and she sounds dreadful. I also know from speaking to her sister, my aunty that she's been in tears as she's missing seeing me and Connor.
My main concern is that I don't know how bad the chemo is going to affect her both physically and mentally and I worry i'm not up to the job of giving both her and Connor the care they both deserve. I spend most nights awake worrying and crying about how i'm going to manage, especially since I need to start thinking about returning to work.
So apologies if this has been long winded and I sound like i'm whining I know I have a beautiful new baby and should be over the moon but am struggling to be positive at the minute.
Can any of you lovely ladies give me any advice on how to cope better?
Thanks in advance.