My daughter in law has just had a baby her 1st and is so scared of sleeping I case the baby doesn't wake her for a feed

She lost her first child and wants to be awake incase something happens to her I've tried to reassure her she will be fine to no avail she wants my son to be awake when the baby sleeps and swap over so he can sleep then she's awake ithis can't go on much longer as my son has to return to work next week and will need a full sleep as she does too before she wears herself out! Any advice would be much appreciated.

10 Replies

  • I'd first like to say congratulations on the birth of your grandchild & secondly I'm sorry for you & your daughter's loss.

    My initial thoughts are she is understandably going to feel some sort of level of anxiety towards the birth of her new child but as you say she'll only start to wear herself out.

    The best advise I can give you is to support her & baby as much as you possibly can as I'm sure you are already are & hopefully she'll come through this traumatic memory day by day.


  • Hi,

    I just also wanted to add, it could be good if you could also try & celebrate the life of the baby who sadly passed away & as your new baby granddaughter grows you & your daughter could also let her know that she had another sibling who would have adored her as big sisters/brothers do.


  • She is obviously still very traumatised as I'm sure anyone would be, how long ago was this baby born? Maybe after afew nights she will settle and realise she will hear her baby as long as its near her, also there are monitoring systems out there which have a special mat which sounds an alarm if the baby stops breathing, not exactly sure how they work but I've been told they are good. I would suggest that maybe she should get some form of counselling in the long term to help her deal with whst happened. Good luck.

  • Sorry to hear of your sad loss. It's no wonder your daughter in law is anxious. we have an angelcare monitor with sound a and sensor pad. I would highly recommend it as when we moved our little one into her own room I was quite nervous but this gives me confidence she's alright as I can check it any time if I wake in the night and the little pendulum symbol is moving so I know that she is breathing. I would also say to her that it's a mother's instinct and almost subconscious intuition that she will definitely hear if the baby wakes. I think most mums on here would agree that we are so connected to our babies even the smallest little wimper usually wakes me up! But she needs to get as much rest as she can so she can look after babe to her best ability. Being sleep deprived won't help! Perhaps counselling would help to allay some of her fears too.

    Best of luck to you all x

  • First sorry 2 hear about your loss and 2nd congratz on your grandchild. Just support and reassure her her baby will be fine. Be there for her. She needs your help and advice. It is understandable.

  • Hi, I would agree with the other posts here but in addition to that perhaps recommend that your daughter in law joins this site? It will offer her support and reassurance from other Mums?

  • I can only echo the other comments here. I wonder what age she lost the first baby and whether she needs to get over the psychological barrier that it represents. Perhaps if she vocalises her thought processed to you, to people on this site or best of all a councillor she will realise what's rational and what isn't. You could consider an angelcare type monitor under the mattress...

  • As someone above said the angelcare monitor is such a help as it is a constant reassurance that baby is breathing. I was so worried about SIDS but found this helped me to sleep without worrying. It's expensive but worth the investment for piece of mind and a nights sleep. This might help her relax a bit when baby is sleeping

  • what a worrying time for you all, and especially your daughter in law. you have not mentioned any professional input, that i feel your daughter in law needs. i assume you are in the UK so if not already done she must make contact with SANDS (google it?) and you dont say how old baby is so either midwife or health visitor to connect with the CONI (care of next infant) scheme where there will be counselling, newborn resuscitation training and loan of monitoring equipment. if these things are already done and she is still unable to relax and enjoy caring for her baby then she must see her doctor for further input.

    If not UK I am sure there are agencies in her area able to help at this time. Best wishes.

  • I also think that you must ask her to meet her consultant or the GP. It might be that your daughter-in-law is going through an extreme anxiety phase which needs help from a qualified professional.

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