Newly Single Mum- To -Be, need support

Hi I'm due to have a baby boy 16/07/2014.

Problems started to arise a week ago when he decided to tell me he wasn't ready to move in together. After an initial panic, I said fine, we'll continue to get to know each other, go on date nights etc.

Now after a lovely week, he then tells me he needs some time by himself as he thinks it's all moved too quickly, he doesn't get to be on his own anymore as we see each other every night and feels like he hardly sees his friends anymore (even though he's out every weekend spending money on drinking -instead of baby things like me)

It got me really down (I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past) and thought really bad things, felt distressed and like I couldn't cope (without him, not being a single mother). I can't carry on feeling like this so just need to keep my head held high & build up my own support network as he's clearly unreliable.

I just don't like feeling so hopeless and vulnerable.

Anyone there for support I would appreciate it a lot.

11 Replies

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  • Im sorry you are going through this hun. You sound strong in yourpost and im sure you will continue to find the strength from deep inside to carry on and grow your little baby. This site is fab and all the girls are great and I'm sure will support you :-) just focus your attention on yourself and your baby. When you hold that baby in your arms you will know real love xx good luck and stay strong x

  • Have u got a good support network of friends and family? I would just try and surround urself with them to help keep ur mind off him, it's only natural u would want him to be there for u and bloody hurtful that he isn't stepping up to the mark. .. He may change when baby is born but obviously u need to get ur head sorted now so u can be strong for the birth etc...I do hope things work out the way u want but if not having good friends and family will help get u thru and so will ur baby xx

  • Im so sorry to hear you're going through this. It's not nice to feel vulnerable or hopeless, but these emotions will pass in the long term, especially when you meet your baby for the first time. Meanwhile, it's good to have a support network of friends and family, for now and when baby comes. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or to pick up the phone/email to get things off yr chest.

    One of my best friends became a single parent whilst we were at Uni. Her little girl will be seven in two days, and they have an incredibly close bond. The 'Father' (and I use that term loosely, because it takes a REAL man to be a Father), wanted nothing to do with her, I don't even know if he knows she exists. But, it's his loss, because my friend has raised an incredible little girl.

    I was also raised by my Mum (different circumstances however, my Dad died when I was five), and she is my best friend. It's amazing how strong Mothers are - it's tough but you will cope.

    If you feel yourself feeling more low or anxious, talk to your midwife or GP - they can always refer you to someone, to help you to talk things through. And of course, this forum is great for when you need to vent :-) X

  • Hey. As other ladies have said, surround yourself with any friends and family you can for support now. Perhaps attend antenatal classes to get to know some mummies to be in your area and start making mummy friends ready for bubbas arrival. Chatting on here is always good too, there's always someone online :-) Stay strong x

  • I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and I'm a little angry on your behalf as well. It takes two to get pregnant, and it's just cowardly behaviour at its best. Your ex does not deserve you or the baby, and I hope you'll see soon that you can do without him. I found a few links which I hope are helpful, maybe you can get in touch with women in similar situations to build up an own network of support. I wish you all the best, and let us know how you are coping!

    mobile.gingerbread.org.uk/d...

    lone-parents.org.uk

    onespace.org.uk

  • My mum has been single as far as I can remember and she raised myself and my siblings all by herself. I love my dad, he just isn't there. It's his loss at the end of the day, he's not only missing out on my life but his granddaughters and that's his problem as he knows he's always welcome.

    And I recently split from my daughters dad. I love him however he just wasn't reliable enough and wasn't doing much after leaving college. Now that I don't need him, he's finally had the kick up his ass that he needed and is now stepping up. I to suffer with anxiety and at times would get myself in a hysterical state panicking I'm a bad mum etc but I've settled that by thinking that my daughter will learn her traits by the things I do, and I'm only as bad as I think I am, so I stopped having those thoughts!

    Finally, have you got a children's centre near you? As well as family and friends I've found a great support network at my local centre. I go to a specific group for my age and have met mums of the same age and now regularly go out together with and without our children. Sorry for the essay!x

  • In sorry you're going through a rough time at the minute, especially when this time should be all about excitement of whats to come. My circumstances are different to yours but I found a friends network absolutely invaluable. Also I actually signed up to facebook (after years of saying I never would!) And found it handy for the middle of the night feeds....there was always someone around to chat too....mainly other mothers also doing late feeds haha. Do you have a surestart centre nearby? They run lotsdof different groups so you might find some you like. When your baby arrives you'll become so foccused on them that everything else takes a back seat. You will be a fab mummy andanytime yyou have things to get off your chest this is a great place to do it. I dont post that often (in fact I dont think I even posted my birth announcement! ) but I do look in most days and have found answers to questions lurking at the back of my head.

  • Hi these emotions will pass. My ex partner was causing me so much stress and was unreliable. I ended up having to get him arrested as he was drinking and makin my life hell. Now he's not around I've had time to get myself stronger and focus on what's important for me & baby. I believe things can be easier now because its just u & ur baby. Ur b hurt and vunerable for short time but u sound strong in ur post & don't b afraid to ask ur friends & family for support.

    If he doesn't want to b in babies life its his loss! U need to focus on the great life u & baby will have. Good luck! And this site is great for support its helped me so much. Im looking forward to it just being me & baby it will b less hassle! Hope everything goes well xx

  • some people i know have went through a situation similar to you and my advice would be to try and change your mind set and think.. it is just me and baby from here on in and anything else is a bonus.. you can do it. i find the more you want the male species the more they run away.. surround yourself with your family and people you are close to you and love you and focus on you and your babies future now and take of yourself and begin to start putting some savings away for you and baby for nappies etc.. surround your self with positivity and dont dwell on the negitive.. youll find when you do all this..everything will fall into place and change for the good. (personally i would not sleep with him again until he commits to marriage.. yes i know it sounds impossible but that would be my terms or i would tell him that he knows were the door is.. youll find you will get a alot of additional respect ..some people have did this and it works.. you need a man to run after the woman or your fighting a losing battle anyway and whats for you will not go past you..good luck missy.

  • You are really strange Sciencegrad. What weird things you come out with regarding childcare, pregnancy and birth. Who makes rigid timetables for childcare on a general basis??? This isn't lab work, it's a baby...

  • So sorry to hear that

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