Pregnant with my 2nd child,already worried about how I'll cope with a 2yr old and a baby- any advice on how to cope through the pregnancy

Worried about how to cope with morning sickness- I suffered for ages the first time- also worried about lifting my boy once my bump gets bigger and coping with everything else once my baby is here- I know a lot of worry but just found out- and the father is in shock we didn't think this would happen so quick- it took us 6months to get pregnant the first time- any advice support is needed to calm me down

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  • Hi Amburns,

    Firstly i want to let you know that anything I say now is not an insult to you personally but as you may have known already if you & your partner/ husband are having unprotected sex their was going to be a high chance that you were going to become pregnant.

    I'm a mother of two children now, my eldest is 5 yrs old & my baby is almost 4 months old. When I discovered I was pregnant this time last year I did worry slightly about how I would cope with having a child who is in full time education/ school & looking after a baby as my other half / children's father works a full time 12 hrs a day job to keep a roof over our heads.

    Even though my pregnancy was planned ( as I had the contraception implant removed) I was also worried about the financial cost of bringing our children up.

    Now that my daughter is here though I take one day at a time & do what I can from day to day. As long as my children have eaten & are happy I honestly don't worry about anything else that might be happening around me.

    Of course I have days when I feel extremely tired & all I want to do is sleep but I don't let it bring me down too much as I would then feel as if I haven't tried my best as a mother.

    As your pregnancy goes on you'll know what you are capable of doing so if you feel as if you can't pick-up your son for example its fine & I'm sure no one would deniy your love for him.

    As for the sickness you may suffer with as long as your keeping yourself well hydrated with water or soft diluted drinks you should be fine. If you find it becomes too bad to the point you're finding it difficult to keep anything down go & see your G.p as they can prescribe you with anti sickness medication which cannot harm your unborn child.

    I wish you the best of luck with your new pregnancy.

    :)

  • Hi, congratulations! I got a positive test for my second baby 4 days after my sons 2nd birthday so a pretty similar age gap.

    Firstly, don't panic! Remember that loads of people have two babies with even smaller age gaps and cope just fine, I'm sure it'll be a wonderful time once you've settled down :-)

    Be kind to yourself when you're pregnant, I had pretty bad sickness which wasn't fun. It's ok to cut yourself a bit of slack and let your little boy watch a bit more cbeebies than usual, prepare easier teas for him (my poor son had carrot sticks, houmous and crackers about 3 times a week when I couldn't face cooking smells!), a few weeks of that sort of thing won't hurt him in the slightest! I felt horribly guilty at the time but there's really no need, he loved it!

    As I got bigger I struggled with getting up and down off the floor a million times a day so start collecting things like craft sets, paints and colouring books now if you see them on sale so that you can sit together at the table rather than play on the floor, it will help down the road. A good soft play centre near you is handy as you can watch him play from your table when you're knavkered! Do you have family nearby and does he go to nursery? Might be worth thinking about for a morning a week if money allows?

    Talk to him lots so he knows what's going on - they're not daft at this age and will be able to get a really good grasp of what's going on. We used to look at the scan pic a lot, read to my bump, talk about how special it is to be a big bro etc which I think helped with a smooth transition once she arrived.

    My daughter is a dream (everyone said that second baby would be easier!) and my boy absolutely adores her - I really love having two and think its a great age gap.

    Good luck with your pregnancy, I'm sure you'll handle it really well :-) x

  • Great advice thank you so much

  • I agree with dons88 you will just cope! I'd have a 2nd baby now if I could! My son is 8 months old! Like dons said, people have much smaller gaps, a friend of our family has an 18 month old and a 2 month old. 2nd was planned but her husband walked out on her when she was 4 months gone. She copes amazingly well considering what's happened. With the support of your oh (once he has got over the shock) and your family and friends, I'm sure you will be fine! :) x

  • You will be fine. It will be hard work but somehow things just manage to work out. I'm 8months pregnant and I have a 20month old. I still pick him up when I need to like carrying him out of his cot or to put him on his changing mat. I didn't have any sickness with him but this time around I was sick for the full 12 weeks and it was not ideal but you just take a day at a time. I would feed my toddler and then run to the sink to throw up because of the smell of his food. I used all the sickness remedies: crystallised ginger and the acupuncture bands from the pharmacy really worked well. I am worried about how I will cope when the baby is here and I have a toddler running around but we will just have to wait and see. My husband is really supportive and I've been getting him to be more active in my toddlers life and get them to do more activities without me. But also when he wants mummy, he wants mummy and nothing can change that. This pregnancy could be different so embrace it and be happy.

  • We actually planned all of our children close together - initially because I was really worried about the scenario of having a jealous older child and had heard from friends that children under 2 are usually pretty accepting of a new baby. So my eldest is 17ms older than her sister who is 22ms older than her brother who is also 22ms older than his brother. Our new baby (dd 6 days ago - still waiting!) will be just over 2yrs younger than him. My experience, for what it's worth is that we have never had any problems with jealousy - as they've got older they've fought and grumbled but still all get on really well. So I would say that there are two sides to the story. Having two babies at once is definitely hard work in one sense but emotionally I found that I never felt torn between an older child who needed me to go out a lot, play, etc and a baby who needed me to sit and feed them or let them sleep on my shoulder etc. (that came later with subsequent babies!) There was a lot of snuggling up together with a pile of books which in time the new baby could enjoy too, snoozing together on the bed at naptime and I found with each of mine that the baby was born at a time when big sister or brother was getting into babies generally and found the baby sneezing, pooing, and generally reacting to the world around them endlessly fascinating! The greatest labour saving thing comes in the long run when your children start playing together and you realize that you no longer have to always be the playmate. It does fill your time in a big way in the short term but can be a great thing for their relationship because it is not long before the eldest has forgotten they once had you to themselves! Really hope it works out for you - especially the morning sickness because I well remember that dealing with nasty nappies is no joke. Best wishes. x

  • Nanking, you're a hero. I've been angling for number3 already (not going down well!) but 5 kids under 7 is very impressive! X

  • Wow, Nanking

    That in itself deserves a medal, " & gold" at that.

    I find it hard to share the attention between my 5 yr old & my baby never mind thinking about having another one.

    Luckily enough me & OH have decided & agreed this baby is our last child.

    x

  • I know exactly how you felt, it took us 6 months the first time and only three the second. My little girl will be 2 on 10th March and number 2 is due on 20th March. I was in shock and worried about how I would cope especially as we moved house, to a completely new area at the end of September, so I've had to make new friends as well. My parents are an hour and a half away from where we live and my husband's parents are 4 hours away, so we don't have any family nearby.

    I have had some really bad days of crying, feeling rather depressed, but now it's nearly here I'm really excited and looking forward to having my new baby. I wrote down all the things I was worried about and then put possible outcomes, worst and best scenarios. I discussed it with my husband and he was really supportive and made me feel more confident. I have made some brilliant friends here who I know I could rely on in an emergency. I know there will be some days where it will be really hard especially when my husband is away with work - he is often away for two or three nights a week, two or three times a month.

    As for carrying my lg now my bump is big, I just do. I carry her on my front rather than on one hip, just do it for a short time and if there's an option to sit down to give her a cuddle I encourage her to come to me sitting down. If we're going out I take the buggy and if we decide to go for a walk we sing a walking song when she starts to want to be carried (we never go far, so we usually make it).

    As for morning sickness I felt sick but never actually was sick, it felt like it went on for longer this time and I was immensely grateful that my lo still naps as I could nap when she napped. I found eating mini cheddars, hula hoops and ginger biscuits and drinking sparkling water helped ease my morning sickness, but I know it's different for everyone and every pregnancy.

    Another thing that's really helped me was doing a refresher of the hypnobirthing course we did the first time, I know I can use the techniques learnt there in everyday life when things are getting on top of me.

    Good luck and I'll try to let you know how I get on once new baby arrives.

  • Thanks for that, my partner works away a lot too so have the same thoughts going through my mind- I feel much better today. Great idea to write everything down- ill do that- I think I'll be trying to make more friends locally so I'll have people to rely on. Most of my friends work long hours. I'm sure we'll both be fine. Please let me know how you get on

  • Unfortunately pregnancy hormones, do that to you, one day is fine and the next the world is about to end! If you start looking for baby and toddler groups now where you can take both children, you'll feel more prepared. I've found two church groups which cater for under 5s so will be suitable for both, and the mums I've met there have been so lovely, kind and supportive and a children's centre group for under 5s, within walking distance so I'll be able to get to them easily enough. Does your little boy go to nursery or a childminder? Keep him going as then you can spend some time with the new baby and know that he is getting attention there.

    I set up a group through my local NCT branch, called Pudding Club to meet some mums to be, advertised on the branch's Facebook page we meet every first and third Saturday 10-11:30am in the local pub (which is also a cafe open from 9am most days), meaning working mums to be and mums with toddlers can come along (leaving toddlers with dad). It's been a great way to meet some mums to be in a similar situation and compare how things are going and what type of double buggy/buggy board everyone's going to get etc.

    So when are you due?

  • Last night I had a look at toddler groups which I could also take a baby to as many if the groups around here are either just for babies or just for toddlers. Found a couple so hopefully that will keep me sane. I've thought about setting up a group locally, great idea about Saturday morning I'll try that. I'm due October so I've got plenty of time to get my head straight- I'm not thinking of starting anything this side of Xmas other than maybe a Saturday group- don't want to pressure myself into going out it took me months to heel after my first

  • Have you been involved in NCT? If you get in touch with your local branch and say you want to volunteer to set up a new group I'm sure they will support you and there may be someone else who can help you set something up, that way you're covered for public liability insurance and such and they will help advertise the group.

    I hope this pregnancy is easier for you, sounds like you had a hard time last time. I would definitely recommend a hypnobirthing course such as Wise Hippo, to give you confidence that it doesn't have to be a difficult birth this time and therefore hopefully you'll heal more quickly. If you want to email me my address is: lynette_daffern@yahoo.com

  • Thank you, I'll be in touch and look out for that course and I'll contact nct locally

  • Hi, how are you getting on? My little man arrived on 26th March, he is absolutely gorgeous. All has been going well, obviously we have bad days where my toddler cries and then the baby starts and so I join in too, but on the whole it's been a lot easier than I thought it would be. We've had lots of visitors, parents have stayed over to help out, friends have taken my toddler to groups and had her round to play. Each day brings different challenges, but we've been getting out the house to toddler groups and to see friends. We managed to get to our nieces first birthday / naming ceremony in a York when Albert was 10 days old - carefully planned and executed, the only thing I forgot that was noticed was my toddler's spare vest (she did a mega poo in her car seat, so she was probably a bit chilly all day, but didn't seem that bothered).

    Hope your pregnancy is going well and you're looking forward to number two arriving.

  • I'm much better now, it was hard dealing with morning sickness and looking after my 1st, but now that has passed I'm getting excited and your message has reinforced my excitement- I can't wait- I'm 16wks now

  • You are very kind guys! Obviously I am one of those nuts who once I became a mum decided that this was what I wanted to do for quite a few years and I don't really attempt anything else! Having said that you are right Winnie about getting the support and company - especially when I had my first two I really needed that and was initially quite isolated having just moved house. It can be really hard being with friends who are not in a similar boat a lot and a lot easier if you can meet people who know what your life is like!

  • One of my closest friend is a freelance photographer she doesn't understand, so something says things that hurt but she doesn't mean it. Hope I meet some new people at the groups and don't come across desperate

  • I really empathise, I found out yesterday that I am pregnant and my lo is not even 6 months old! I huge shock considering I have the implant in. My head is spinning but I believe that what will be, will be and we'll manage :)

  • OMG,

    sorry, I just logged on & read your reply to this question. I can only imagine your shock especially as you have the contraceptive implant in.

    I just wanted to say I admire your theory & even though it may have been something you didn't actually plan you'll find a way to manage

    ( we always do)

    :) x

  • I have a 18 month old and my baby is 2 weeks old tomorrow. I had terrible sickness/nausea morning noon & night 1st pregnacy, suffered UTIs, had a bleed at 20 weeks and then had terrible anxiety from 27 weeks onwards. So when I fell pregnant (not using contraception but 1 st pregnancy was with assisted conception after trying for 6years) I was elated but worried about how I would cope with a boisterous toddler and being pregnant. This pregnancy was a little easier but did suffer a viral ifection for 6 weeks I was utterly exhausted and then later in pregancy I suffered from pelvic pain which was agony getting up and down from the floor and running around the park etc with lo but I coped! My wee boy isnt big on walking any distanceso i did a lot of lifting but it didnt relly worry me. On a brighter note my moring sickness was oractkcally non existent this time around. Now my baby is here Im not gonna lie it has been trying and tiring but I am managing! Hubby goes back to work tomorrow so this will be the real mm test!! Think positive and all will be fine, you will cope as we all do. Relax and enjoy your preganacy hun. X

  • Hi, it is good to see so many replies to the lady Amburns. I do hope all goes well with your second pregnancy. My 2nd child was conceived soon after I lost my Mum (some 30 years ago!) and i felt I didn`t grieve properly for my Mum (a feeling that came to me, after recently losing 2 dear brothers - 5 years apart). I have since had a daughter some 17 years ago now, and feel blessed to have 3 (now grown up) children. Sadly I am estranged from my eldest, due to family differences, and am now a Grandmother to his two boys, who I sadly cannot see (the 2nd Grandson I have yet to meet, and he is a year old next month:(). It feels like history sadly repeating itself, as my late Mum was distanced from some of my siblings at different times of her life! But hey, I do live in hope.

    Regards to all. Jx

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