Scared after dads first day back at work went horribly... - NCT

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Scared after dads first day back at work went horribly wrong.

gigglysheep
gigglysheep

My daughter has been having spells of bad colic this week and last night was one of the worst for not sleeping. Dad needed to sleep due to his first day at work starting at 6am and I was all on my own to handle a colicky baby who refused to sleep at all.

We went to bed at 9pm thinking she would settle and nap til her usual wakey time of 2am but we were wrong. By 1am I am tearing my hair out and very tired. My oh woke up to find me crying and rocking the baby a bit harder than I realised. It scared both him and me. I feel such a failure and little erica deserves better. I don't know how im gonna manage with oh going back full time and think I should be stronger than this but im not. Feel like crying all the tine right now. Erica hasn't settled much today to allow mum to catch up on sleep. Has anyone any tips on how to cope better? Or even any pearls of wisdom? Really willing to try anything to be a better mum right now xx

11 Replies

Awww hun sounds like a bit of baby blues and sheer exhaustion. I remember a terrible night like this when my first daughter was about a week or so old. You really are not alone and things always seem worse in the middle of the night. Have you anyone around who can come and help for an hour or two....let you have some sleep?? If not maybe needs to be a case of dad gets home and takes over for couple of hours so you can get a bit of sleep before the "night" properly starts. is hard to do this as I know you will want to spend time with hubby but sound like you could really do with abit of sleep. Good luck hun...and you are not def not a failure hun...just a tired Mum we all go through this xxxxx

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I had many a night like this! Literally 15 hours of screaming... worst part is you can't take her pain away! Have you tried the colic treatments? Infacol or coleif? Nothing worked for us unfortunately but a lot of ladies on here swear by coleif.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself, if you don't have time to get dressed or clean the house sod it! When Erica sleeps you get some rest too, even if it's sitting in a nice bath with a cup of tea! What ever you can do to keep relaxed!

Xx

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Hi gigglysheep

Its important to stay as calm as you possibly can with a situation like this, I know its easier said than done but you'll only turn yourself into a nervous wreck every time Lil Erica cries.

Have you tried something called Colief yet?

It's honestly really good & works fairly fast too. As it is now Friday evening do you have sort of NHS walk in centre which is close by to you as these places usually have qualified doctors & nurses who can give you a one off prescription for this colief.

xx

I'm sure she's fine & once you get through this everything will feel right again.

In the middle of the night when your exhausted and you have a crying baby you really do feel like your the only person in the world in that moment but trust me your not there's lots of tired mummy's all up going through the same as u I remember sitting in the front room at 2am crying my eyes out and wanting to walk out the door and not come back !!! Baby blues we all get them around the 2 week mark but it will get better you just need to relax when possible get family friends to help we're possible, I'm sure your doing a fab job these babies just like to test us at first xxxx

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Don't stress yourself about feeling your not doing it well enough, you can't cope, etc. I would say most mums feel like that and can be a very natural part of the journey. If you feel irritated or angry or ultra stressed when she is crying, put her down for a moment and gather yourself. Just take a minute to breathe and gain your sanity back and calm will come back to you.....almost resetting yourself to help you cope better with the crying. I had nights like this in the beginning and it seems awful when it happens. But you are doing what you can for her so do not feel like a bad mum. She knows you are there and yoyo love her. That's the main thing she needs and you just go from there. Even last night, James was not going to bed and was up and down. It was stressing so I left him a moment while I gathered myself and get my patience back on track. Don't be hard on yourself. You are learning a very new, scary and huge responsibility and it gets batter and easier with time.

You will be fine with your bloke back at work....I was scared too. Just take it one day at a time. Rest when you can and accept help from others if they visit and such.....doing so doesn't mean you cannot cope and will give you a good chance to get some relaxation :-) x

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hey it does get btr, I had this around 8 weeks, my boyfriend was at work and college and all he did was scream, I felt awful tht I was useless but I used colief, its expensive so get it on prescription, and within 2 weeks I had a happy baby again...I admit it is hard but don't feel ur not doing enough...hav u tried a baby sling, so tht u can still get stuff done during day and she shud sleep.

theres no harm in asking for help do u hav any friends/family nearby who cud come for couple of hours and help u, I found being on my own worse, even seeing my mil for a cup of tea was nice, u don't need help to be a better mum experience comes in time, I bawled my eyes out when my oh went bk to work but now the smiles he gives when he gets home, it gets easier, trust me, although not always the sleep less nights, I was up every other hour last night with my 22 week old snuffling, teething baby.

hav u tried any local groups or drop in centres, they r gd way to meet people and share experiences, it gets me out the house and socialising, take care and theres always people on here at stupid o clock so dnt b afraid to vent xx

Hang in there Gigglysheep. Having your first baby is a steep learning curve and you'll be hard pushed to find a mother who hasn't felt exactly like this before. Sleep deprivation is horrendous, I would definitely try to have an evening sleep before the night shift. My OH used to entertain the baby from when he finished work at 6ish so I could get a few hours under my belt, I was breastfeeding so he'd bring baba up and sit quietly while I fed and then take him away again. It makes a massive difference when nights are really rubbish.

Like Fattyboom said, if you're starting to feel a bit stressed (we all do!) stick Erica in her cot or chair and walk away for a minute - take a deep breath, have a drink of water and collect yourself.

Also it's probably worth remembering that although it's important for dad to get his sleep for work, letting him sacrifice an hour here and there so that you don't go stark raving loony is ok, you're both parents so you can both get a bit tired.

If you do feel like you're sinking go and see your GP but this all does sound familiar! I'm sure you're doing a cracking job, don't beat yourself up, it will get easier xxx

Can't say anything new here except to repeat that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you as a mum. Have absolutely been there with my Erica (my first). Do try all that has been said but also try to hang on, on the nights when nothing seems to go right to the fact that it will pass - that is really all that women having their 2nd or subsequent baby have to their advantage - they know that this happened before and then it went by and they entered a new phase. I don't know how you feel about co-sleeping with your little one - I was totally against it with my first but it has subsequently been a Godsend, especially if you are breastfeeding. It has had a lot of bad press but it is worth looking past the headlines as the risks have been misrepresented a lot. If you don't drink, smoke or take drugs and maybe have a 'sidecar' crib arrangement it is safe and can help babies to settle - at the very least it stops the constant round of getting up which can be so exhausting. Just a thought. Agree with dons too - you will have better nights when you both get more sleep but on the worse ones don't suffer in silence - wake your OH and share the burden. Both of you can put housework, DIY etc. and even social life to some extent on a back burner until the tough nights are over and hibernate at weekends, get early nights, have naps... it wont last forever and if anyone is disgusted by your messy house they might feel inspired to offer to help. If they do, say yes! Any real parent who has been there will know how it is and is probably paying back what someone did for them at that time of their life - we all should, there are some wonderful women out there that I owe my sanity to! Hope you have a good night tonight! x

Hi gigglysheep,

I agree with everything said above. OH going back felt horrible and although he is a good night sleeper all through the day he is AWAKE and his default setting when awake is to cry unless constantly stimulated by me walking around with him - even as I go to put him in a crib, seat or mat he starts whimpering and then goes into full on screaming. I have since found that my coping mechanism is to fill my day up with activity out of the house - if I stay in all I see is the housework building up, watching mind numbing tv and not being able to cook a meal for OH. So I visit friends and relatives, go to baby groups, go swimming. The drive or buggy ride between places often puts him to sleep so when I arrive I have time to have a drink and something to eat and if he stays asleep when I arrive home I get to catch up on chores and this week 11 weeks after giving birth I managed to cook two meals for OH - a small but important step for me which has been fully appreciated by OH. Also as he starts to become more alert the periods of crying (both him and me!) become less and the joy he brings when I make him smile or laugh is priceless.

Wasn't meant to be a long post sorry! To summarise - fill your day with activity and people. I just spent today around MIL's and although LO was in a grumbly mood having someone to chat to whilst walking around with him makes the day go so much faster.

awww dont feel sad girl that is normal with babies to cry. Isabella was crying her head off for the whole of first week (and my OH was not on leave as he planned to take off whenever really needed).

Chin up it is just a phase, they are new to the world and dont know anything around and everything is new to their tiny bodies, so it sometimes may feel bad, fearfull sometimes it may hurt them. But in few weeks she will be used to being with her loving mumma and start giving you cute cute smiles and you will be crying with joy :D

and meanwhile if you have a friend or relative around, ask them to come and clean the house for you or pick some food for you or just craddel the baby while you take a shower (it will all be fine in just no time !)

I'm going through exactly the same thing! It's exhausting and I feel the pressure to deal with it myself now my oh has gone back to work. That said, I got 3 hrs sleep in yesterday evening from 8-11, then took over for the night. Even that short sleep helped me to cope.

We are using infacol, and plan to switch to comfort formula today (baby is bottle fed). I know other people swear by colief, and some use colic bottles like Dr brown, but I don't want to change too much all at once.

You are a fantastic mum - the fact that you're going mad trying to do everything to settle your lo shows that. If it's all too much, take a break. I've had to leave my lo crying sometimes, or I wouldn't get to eat, and I've learned that I need to look after myself too, so I can look after him. But it is soooo hard when they just won't stop crying and you can't help. You're not alone - lots of us are in the same boat!

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