How do I tell my parents??

Hi Ladies,

I'm 13+3, had our dating scan last week and all is perfectly fine with baby. I'm going home to tell my parents tomorrow and I'm terrified! They're great parents and my brother already has 2 kids who they adore but I'm so worried they'll be a little disappointed in me. I've only just bought a one bed flat, my partner and I dont live together and are in no rush to until the baby comes. I've literally (this week) just accepted my job full time permanent (even though i've been doing it on a temp contract for a year) and I'm just worried that they're not going to think its the best thing for me at the moment and worry about me.

I'm 26, older than anyone else in my family for a first baby! But I'm the youngest so they still think of me as the baby. I'm so scared to tell them and dont know how to approach the subject. How did others in the same boat go about it?

Thank you

25 Replies

  • Hi Genine, congratulations! I can imagine how you must be feeling...I was 34 with my first baby and still nervous to tell my parents as I have always been career minded and I felt it wasn't what they would expect of me. As with anyone hearing the news of a baby on the way they were a little shocked to start with but not in a bad way. I think it just takes people a little while to get their heads around it.

    My advice would be don't take any hesitations as a negative response, they're just taking in the news. Also, they'll likely ask lots of questions...again don't take this as negative response, they're just concerned for you of course!

    Will your partner be with you when you share the news...that may give them reassurance that although you're not living together you are a united front with regards the baby.

    Good luck, I'm sure they'll be delighted for you, and just be patient!

  • Hi, thanks for your reply. no I'm going on my own. He's working and I felt like perhaps my parents would want the privacy to react how they feel rather than worry about him being there too. They like him and get on well but he is a few months away from completing his PhD and so obviously has no financial stability at the moment which is another thing I think they'll worry about in terms of us affording it. Although I have a spreadsheet to prove otherwise!

  • Good old spreadsheets!! :/)

  • Hey!! I feel your pain, my parents are amazing but I was also terrified! I was 23 had bought a house with my boyfriend 6 months before we found out, and it was totally un planned!!

    We went to visit them on my birthday, had a meal etc, was waiting for the right moment which never seemed to come! In the end we were just sat on the sofa and came out with it and held my breath! Everything was fine! My sister reacted worst as she is older and has not had much luck with boyfriends in the last 12 months so it upset her more really!!

    With it being at Xmas time, I wanted to give them a card with the scan photo in but my scan wasn't till 27th December (last year) so couldn't do that!!

    It's such a hard thing to do, because you know they will be happy for you but still in the back of your mind there is that doubt!!

    How did your siblings tell them? X

  • I was scared, at the age of 36! My parents already have three grandchildren too!! Also a 'career bitch'!

    Chose New Years Eve/Day to do it, but in hindsight probably should have made sure that they weren't driving down the M5, as by all accounts, dad nearly crashed (he was driving, I phoned mum!)...

  • sound advice!! I'll make sure they're not driving! thanks x

  • My brother's other half works for the NHS and he mentioned to my parents one day that she was meeting with the midwife. My parents thought it was part of her job for a minute but then asked him if she was pregnant so he said yes. They were happy for them but my brother tends to get an easier ride with my folks than I do.

    I did think of just giving them the scan photo so they can see baby and feel an attachment before they lecture me!! x

  • Hi, when found out was pregnant me and partner had just got a mortgage, I'd moved to be with him as his job safer and so only he working. I'm the opp in that I'm the oldest but somehow that makes me treated like the baby. Was worried same as you about reaction. Told my mum on my own because wanted to know true feelings. Never heard such a squeal of excitement off anyone! Think what is most important to our parents is that we're happy. Don't overthink telling them as that's more nerve racking than the actual event. Good luck and enjoy x

  • We had just moved in to 4 bed house from a one bed flat! Figured as we were told 10 years ago the chances of winning the lottery were higher than us conceiving (!) stretching ourselves with a monster mortgage was do-able! Fell pregnant about 2 months after mooning in!!! Money is really tight, but were managing! It's amazing how little you spend (once you've bought all the baby stuff) when you don't need to fork out for travel cards etc!

  • Is it me or does the stress of moving make us more likely to conceive lol? We weren't planning it, but best non planned life changing event could wish for. Money is an issue, but we can manage, we'd been sensible enough to look at the mortgage from the point of view of my partners earnings so that we could afford it until I'd found work and then put some more savings away, very glad we did. We're very good at budgeting and have very loving family's to help us if need be. Is true once baby stuff all got you do actually end up saving x

  • We looked at ours (for insurance purposes) from the point of view of what would happen if one of us couldn't work... Shame it doesn't cover babyville, but does mean the figures just about work...

    I think the banks and the stork are in it together;-p

  • Hmm, you could be right lol x

  • Oh it's fun being the baby isn't it! Particularly having an other brother too!!

    Maybe ask for a pram for Xmas? Lol but in all seriousness however you tell them it's going to be a shock but they will soon take it all in and probably ask a million questions, but ultimately, from what you have said it sounds like they will still be there for you even if they don't necessarily think it's "the right time" but really, when is the right time?!


  • At the end of the day ur an adult u will get maternity pay I think so that's great that's a positive to tell ur parents now u have been made permanent. ..I knew what my family were going to say. .. I'm 39 and this is my 5th baby. .. my brother I just texted and told him and said if he couldn't say anything nice bit to bother saying anything at all I told my dad to his face but just put my hand up and said I was an adult and I've never asked him for any help I've always managed and I would never regret having any of my children. .. but I'm sure ur family will be fine. .. be confident and happy and let them know ur happy. ... everything will fall into place. ... congratulations and good luck x

  • thank you all. I cant imagine my mum squealing somehow but here's hoping!

    I had nightmares about it the last couple of days. I'm looking forward to getting it over with now and I dont mind the questions and reactions after but I dont think I'm going to be able to get the words out!

    perhaps I'll ask for a pram for christmas then I dont have to say the actual words! x

  • lol, never imagined my mum squealing either, she really isn't that sort of person, and since has been the most practical as would expect. Turned out everyone had thought I would never have a child (I'm not really a very child friendly person, but your own is not the same) and as my brother has aspergers she'd thought she would never have a grandchild. Parents can surprise you, ours did - good luck xxx

  • Haha! You sound like me! Even work colleagues were like 'you? Pregnant? I had you down as making Professor by 40, but not a mother!' Charming, huh!!!

    You are definitely right about your own being different - Samuel is the best thing I have ever achieved! There is more I need to get out of my career - and making Prof is so definitely on there, it will just take more planning and organisation to make sure my LO doesn't miss out! The words 'I love you' are empty compared to the actual feeling! :-)

  • Let us know how it goes!! :) x

  • thank you, i will.... if they dont kill me first!! x

  • I was scared too even tho am 24 and in solid 6yr relationship although we had to move when 30 weeks pregnant as was only in a one bed house but when I got too my parents I cried. ..not sure why lol but tht was bk in feb and my little boy is now 8 weeks and being spoilt rotten ur parents will b fine and once u hav told them u will feel so much will never b perfect but u manage and people's generosity will suprise u. X

  • The generosity of strangers can also be amazing! I've had a quick bite and coffee in one of our local cafes, a few times while struggling with a wriggly monkey - gone to pay and someone else already has!

    The most amazing thing was buying a console table off eBay (matches our bedroom furniture, which is no longer made). It was a three hour drive away, so we hired a small van and set off. The lady selling the table saw my 'baby on board' badge and took me into her garage - she was in the middle of a big spring clean, and asked if I wanted a Fisher Price open top cradle swing. She refused any money for it, and I had no idea they were £120 to buy!! It's amazing! Stops my LO crying without fail, and he's just slept for 4 hours in it! Scared me half to death!!

    It's lovely that there is still such kindness out there :-)

  • I agree totally, the generosity of strangers makes my heart melt. The smallest thing can make your day. I make sure I always do my good deeds. A teacher at my children's school stopped me a few weeks ago in conversation when telling her Louis gets very unsettled around 4-7pm , following day brought her cradle wing in wouldn't take any money. I'm so grateful it soothes his fussy hour. :-)

  • Firstly a big Congratulations :D Now, onto telling the parents.

    How you handle this depends on several things - your own sense of self, your parents and how they react to news and if you decide to make a big thing of the announcement or not. If you're a shy retiring kind of person then obviously you'd handle it differently to if you were a louder more outgoing person. If your parents are pretty chilled they'll react differently to parents that are stricter.

    Do a quick youtube search on baby announcements and you'll find loads on there from the simple picture with a set of baby shoes in it to the more extravagant big party with the surprise baby cake and everything in between. My personal favorite is one with a couple telling one of the mums since they were not going to be there for her birthday they'd let her have her present early, then made her look for it around the kitchen only to find a currant bun sat in the oven - the mum's reaction was priceless!

    I will say don't be scared about telling your parents. No matter what their initial reaction is they will love their grandchild no matter what. I had my first at 18 and mistakenly told my dad over the phone - he was so shocked he hung up! (He rang me back a few minutes later and apologised though, he's now one of the proudest grandad's you could possible imagine :) )

    Hopefully some of this has helped. Just remember, this is your baby and your choice. I'm sure your parents will love having grandchildren, I know my dad does :D

  • Hi there,

    I'm having the exact same dilema, there seems to be times me and my boyfriend have said ok... we will just go tell them and nope nothing comes out haha! Im 22 and my boyfriend is 27 and my brother has 4 kids so i wonder if another will be much of a surprise to them haha! I'm more scared to tell his parents than mines! All advice appreciated. I think ill have to just walk in one day and say it as im walking haha! xx

  • Hi everyone, thanks again for your advice. Was all geared up to tell them, was planning to give them the scan picture then my dad went and guessed before i got a chance and before my mum got back from the shops! They were little surprised then completely understanding and supportive, didn't lecture me or seem let down one bit. Was such a relief. These things really are always worse in your head than in reality. Xx

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