just in need of a general brain splurge

I am normally the most optimistic person ull ever meet (every cloud, silver lining...blah blah) but ive recently just got really negative and anxious. I'm 24 weeks pregnant and the closer I get to D-Day, the more frightened and anxious i get. I'm not overly freaking out about the labour just yet, I'm more freaking out about parenthood. Its the things that I just do not know. I knew I wanted to be a mummy and honestly thought that it would never happen as I've had problems with my womb etc and I feel really blessed to actually have made it this far. I just dont have the faintest idea about what to expect from daily life with a newborn and what my newborn will expect off me. I guess I am just really scared that I wont get it right and fail miserably. I tried telling my partner and he just keeps brushing it off. Maybe I am just being a ninnymuggins...

It doesnt help that my fella has decided we need a mortgage and is spending 90% of his time at work to build a deposit up. I think this is stressing me out because i feel abandoned and alone, which I know I shouldnt as he is doing what he thinks is best for our family. We rent a beautiful maisonette at the moment and I guess I think that this can wait for a while but any time i suggest that, I get the blame of holding him back from being a man.

I think this week, everything just seems to be on top of me and Ive struggled to see the good in anything. Sorry for the moaniness of this post, I just needed to splurge and get it off me for a bit. Thanks for giving my brain a voice xx

8 Replies

oldestnewest
  • You poor thing, it's horrible when all the negativity gets on top of you. I know exactly how you feel, and I think it's completely normal. I got really worried this week too - my baby hadn't moved as much as normal, but he's kicking up a storm today! I'm 25 weeks and think it's around this time that it all starts to feel scarily real! You will be a fantastic mum, and you will cope with a newborn - I'm sure everyone feels like they don't know what to do, and they all manage, so you will too.

    Sounds like your fella is doing the 'man' thing, and wants to provide for his family. It's hard for them when we're freaking out and they can't "fix it". Frustrating for you, I know. Hope that venting has helped - you know you can come on here for a good moan whenever you need to - we're all here for you.

    Hope things improve for you and you feel more positive soon. In the meantime, hang in there, honey! xxx

  • Know exactly how you feel! I'm not nervous for labour at all, I'm more nervous for when he is here! There is so much I didn't know which I have been learning over the weeks and I just kept thinking, god if I'm like this now, what will I be like when he's here? But it's as my mum says, they don't come with manuals because they are a life long learning experience from the moment they are born! - I think that's why there is no manual with a newborn lol!!! These feelings are so normal from what I've heard so don't worry, you will be an excellent mother - it's something we were made for ;)

    I know how you feel on the partner situation. My partner works offshore and I've literally done all of this pregnancy myself, like all appointments, I had to go to one of the scans myself, I've decorated his whole bedroom and my partner has had no input. And there is times I feel so so alone and that I'm doing this myself, but he is working as hard as he can due to the fact I had to give up work at 16 weeks because I was so unwell. It's such a hard situation as the further you get on, the more you want and feel you need them there. I think it's just the mans way of "providing" to the pregnancy seeing as we are doing all the work and they can't really do anything - they want to seem useful in some way!!

    We all need a bit of a rant once in a while and this is the perfect place to do it as we all know and understand how each other are feeling :) in meantime, have a bath, pop on a good movie and get your feet up :) I find that usually helps ;) hope your feeling better soon, won't be long till you have your wee one in your arms and you won't even remember today :) xx

  • ah babies dont expect much honey - just all of your time in the first few months - when my LO was given to me in the hospital after all mommy stitch up and baby make up, it was almost 1 am and I was tired ad drugged (no sleep for 48 hours, an almost marathon shopping spree a day before, epidural plus additional pain killers to enable e asy orsep delivery etc and no food for 20 hours)- I looked at my darling daughter and asked my husband can he take her along while i sleep in the hospital for tonight!!

    she is now 10 weekks and today for the first time demanded some peace from mommy, was crying for no reason, i put her in her chair kept it near the window and walked away to the sofa and she went quite (for the first time it seemed she wanted her own private space :P atleast no mommy playing cartoon or talking in funny voice :P

    your baby will tell you what he/she needs and will cry, all babies cry atleast once a day ! sometimes they just cry of happiness too (they get overwhelmed that day went so nice and all needs were met before even asked !)

  • Truth is women spend a lot of time trying to be the perfect the mum. Thats on top of being the perfect partner, daughter, sister, friend the list goes on. Most of the time we don't even realise how many times we 'fix' things for or compromise for other people in our multiple roles. Parenting as a forever role is the cherry on the top of the cake of life but there's no such thing as the perfect parent!

    Now here's the secret to being a good mum.....be yourself and you will be good enough, and I'll share some tips for how.

    >Keep a positive perspective on the situation, some issues may be bigger than others but you do get through the difficult parts by keeping things in a clear perspective.You only make yourself feel bad by stressing - so be kind to yourself.

    >Many people fear getting things wrong. Nobody likes to get things wrong but getting things wrong is part of learning to get things right - trust your instincts to guide you it is highly unlikely that you will cause drastic harm to your child and mistakes will be trivial. We all wish we'd done something different along the way in hindsight in may situations and parenting will be no different.

    >Always take time to play with your child even from an early stage, sharing time is fun because you learn together, is part of bonding and you cannot spoil a small person with love, but you can with material things and lack of boundaries as they get older (so be warned!)

    >As baby grew rapidly in the womb, they also go through a phenomenal phase of growth in the first year. Not just physically but mentally. So some days are much harder than others because everything is simply overwhelming for baby. Try to look upon these days as rainy days which fit, overall, into a weather pattern. Sunny days are happy days where the world makes sense. As any gardener will know for plants to flourish they need both the sun and the rain, its the same with children.

    Finally, as a goal being 'good enough' is achievable, as you just start with taking a day at a time then this gets to be a week, month and so on. Your child will love you regardless of your faults, you just need to accept this yourself and all will be good. So don't panic!!! I hope this helps :)

  • I am 26 weeks and last week had a wobble about worrying how I would cope! So at least it is happening to all of us. I think being a first time mum to be is so hard as everyone you know has advice to give and it makes you feel and enormous amount of pressure to know everything! This forum is very good for us to vent...

  • thank you everyone for your kind words and tips. its really nice to know that this thought process happens to most of us. I read some of the posts on here from mums who have given birth and half the stuff, i just didnt know about so it makes me think that i dont have enough knowledge to cope when baby is actually here. Its reassuring to know that it is all instinct and these things are all a learning curve.

    This forum is fantastic though and I'm so glad to have this great support network. Thank you all xx

  • I'm first time too and was told worrying means you care which means you'll probably do fine!

    Xx

  • I'm not nervous about the birth either (YET!)

    I'm just paranoid about my baby being healthy :(

    After the 12week scan I started worrying about Downs.

    After painting the living room I convinced myself I'd given her nerve damage.

    And now because she doesn't jump at loud noises, I'm worried she's deaf!

    *sigh*

You may also like...