On Maternity leave and bored to tears HELP! Feeling jealous of my partners normal life... is what I'm feeling normal?

I've been on MAT leave now for just over a month, I struggle now at 34 weeks to walk to the shops without extreme discomfort so I am reluctant to leave my house these days unless my partner drives me somewhere (I can't drive). I have always been so independent and now I just feel stranded. His life still goes on, he goes to the pub, sees his mates and I stay at home with the TV. I am also the first of my friends to be pregnant. I can't wait to be a mum and to have the fabulous social life that comes with that but right now I feel so lonely. Is it normal to feel this way?

10 Replies

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  • Yes its normal

    Not to mention the ever-changing hormonal situation we have'to deal with.

    Im now 35wks with my 2nd child but ive being working from home for about 2yrs now as a Marketer.

    Ive also always being a independent person who is very hands on once my 1st child is settled in school.

    You could possibly try arranging a "dinner night"once a week or something where you & your friends could at least have a good natter.

    xx

  • Yep and ur right their lives don't change... and when u get a little bit of normality back in ur life and can go out with ur friends for a meal or a glass of wine. ... he will tell everyone he is baby sitting. ... which I find so funny when men say that when they are looking after their own children. .. our lives change so much and it is fustrating watching them crack on and it's hard not to feel jealous. .. but they need be sensitive to ur needs too and appreciate that even though they are not carrying the baby they need to make adjustments but getting them to see that well that's another story! It's hard with big changes and it shows that we are the stronger sec and that's why we carry babies and not them ;) they would have major melt downs! Lol

  • I am 32+3 and still at work, it takes me an hour and a half to commit on the train/tube and I am still doing long days at work. I completely understand your boredom, but I am a little jealous, wish I had that option

  • It's totally normal - I've been feeling the same!

    Why not organise a girls night in with your friends? Then you're not missing out on socialising. Or go to the pub for tea (if one of them will collect you on the way). It's good to have a catch up and it gives me the opportunity to have a good vent and complain about my OH!

    My OH has been useless recently and really unsupportive so I had it out with him the other night - turns out he's just scared!

    I've just started my mat leave at 35 weeks but still feel busy. Organising my own baby shower / housewarming for next weekend and then I intend doing all my Xmas shopping before Peanut arrives cos I know I'll have no chance once he/she comes! Why not do some online Xmas shopping? Means you don't have to walk around (well apart from to the kitchen for a cuppa :-) ) and you'll probs feel better for getting something constructive done.

    Hope you feel better soon. Not long now :-) xx

  • I would say try to go out even if its not far, or get your friends to meet you. I didn't quite realise how house bound I will be AFTER the baby came ;) I felt jealous of my husband going to shops to get milk ;)

    AND read baby books!! I stupidly read all about birth but not baby but this will be over soon and then you will have NO time whatsoever for the first weeks! Hang in there, not too long now :)

  • SNAP, I am 35+3 and been on Mat Leave for a month now.... bored bored bored, I don't have the energy to waddle around the shops and besides whenever I go out it costs me money!!! I seem to be spending all day on my laptop and FB oh and eating more lol. But on a positive note I keep thinking to myself, Don't moan because in 6 weeks time I will be wishing I appreciated this time lol.....

    Never thought I would say I miss work lol... although I don't actually miss work, I miss the interaction with other people.

    Hope you feel better knowing you are not alone. :-)

  • I agree, you need to get out of the hiuse for your sanity... you could have seven more weeks to go and that would drive me insane. Ask yor OH to take you out once a week eg to the pub for dinner or cinema. Explain that you want to enjoy your last few weeks as just the two of you being a couple. It will make you both feel better, he probably feels left out and is trying to avoid dealing with it by not being at home or maybe even realises how much his life will change once your LO arrives that he is "making the most of it" whilst he can. Also ask him to stay in with you once a week. So 2 days for you and 5 for him he can't complain about that!

    Otherwise you could use taxis to get out...

  • I am 31+3 , and have been really ill in this pregnancy but I was feeling like that , so my partner suggested I try even if it just one day a week, so I have been meeting up with my friend on thur/fri and it does help, and also online Xmas shopping that I ve now pretty much nearly finished ... Maybe try and give it try xx

  • I know exactly how you feel. I am now overdue by 4 days and so fed up! I went on maternity leave at the end of August as I felt I was really starting to struggle with the long hours and demands of my job. It was ok for the first couple of weeks as I was still able to get about and had lots of things to do and occupy myself with but I have literally been stuck in my flat for the past 3 weeks and feel like I am now going insane as the little one is overdue! I would do anything to swap with my partner right now and go to work. I also get where your coming from in regards to being the first to have a baby out of your friends, as I am in the same situation, although I must say all my friends have been really supportive and let me know they are always around. I too am looking forward to joining some groups and meeting other couples but for now I feel like my little one is never going to arrive and everyday is a struggle mentally. Hang on in there!

  • I'm in a similar position to Eroxie in that I feel a tad jealous of people who are on maternity leave early. I'm now 33+4 and still at work for up to 10 hours, starting at 7am, then work another 3 hours from home every evening. I'm absolutely shattered, but unfortunately there's little I can do and I just can't afford to start maternity leave now already. I've got a lot of pain and have to arrange my physiotherapy for after work, squeeze in antenatal after school as well as check ups at hospital because of a medical condition.

    That's not to say 'stop moaning' - I did that to a work colleague and she pointed out that I'd go crazy not working and not having a 'normal' life for months if I left for maternity leave early, but it's difficult to see others off early, prepare for their arrival and being able to relax, which I can't.

    I think what someone else said is a good idea: try and arrange an evening a week where you have a friend/friends over, and equally arrange a date night with your partner - he shouldn't just leave you home alone all the time, especially when you're not well. Or if your parents/family live in this country, go to theirs for a few days as a break?

    And then I hear people telling me to read a lot, watch films I've always wanted to watch - do all the stuff you can do now from home that will be more difficult once the little one is there.

    Or even, get involved with the NCT from home, they always seem to be looking for support from volunteers.

    I personally am in the opposite position but I know for example that I've got a baby shower to look forward to in one week and have bought tickets for Dirty Dancing the musical in three weeks... Having those fun things planned and to look forward to get me through a tough week at work. If you can spare the money, see whether there's a local masseuse that does pregnancy massage or even comes to your house and treat yourself :-)

    All the best!

    Silke

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