Just a bit of a rant really.
James is four months now. My health visitor suggested, and I'm saying suggested although she practically told me, that James needed to learn how to self soothe to go to sleep on a night. He's a breastfed baby and so frequently falls asleep on my chest and then I put him in his cot. But she told me to wake him gently if he falls asleep on me and then put him down awake. She thinks this will help with him waking in the night.
About a month ago he slept through the night for about a week, then started to sleep from about 8pm until 5am, have a feed and then go back to sleep until about 7:30/8am. Then about a fortnight ago I moved him out of his moses basket which he had out grown and into his cot, but kept him in our room. He was also having a bit of a growth spurt last week and so he had begun to wake up at about two for another feed.
I saw the hv on Tuesday at a baby group thing which was only attended by me and one other mother. Her baby is a little older than James and sleeps through the night, and is bottle fed, and is her second so she already knows what she's doing. As I understand it, bottle fed baby's sleep longer between feeds as the milk is harder for them to digest.
I feel like my hv is comparing me to this other baby when our two situations are completely different. I thought James was sleeping well, going from 8pm to 5am, and then a little further after feeding, and I thought the hiccup in his sleeping was down to a combination of factors including his move to a bigger bed and his growth spurt, both of which I've read can affect how well they sleep. But she made me feel almost inadequate as a parent by not having James already into a self soothing routine. I tried the technique she suggested tonight which was the 'cry it out' method. And it was the hardest hour and a half I've ever suffered. He was absolutely distraught. And so was I. In the end I picked him back up and nursed him to sleep.
I feel like I have to lie to the health visitors because they seem to compare me and James to other mums, especially the bottle feeding mums. When she asks how often he feeds I outright lie to their faces, and I don't realise I'm doing it until I've said it because when I told them he was feeding every two/three hours once, I got a bit of a look, like "oh, he should be going longer than that. Baby X can go four/five hours" Well baby X is not my baby, and is bottle fed!!!
I just feel very unsure around them. As a first time mum, I thought they were meant to be your friends, but they more I hear about health visitors, and the more I see them, the more I feel like they're only my friends if I do exactly what they say and stick to some unwritten guideline they have.
I thought I was doing ok as a mother, other mothers have said his sleeping was good for his age. I want to do what's best for James, and be the best mother I can be for him, and I thought I was doing this. But the hv just seem to knock my confidence and make me question myself.
Ok rant over. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far. Take care everyone. xx