SCARED AS HELL

[MELLISSAC8]

Hi guys i am 28 weeks and with all the drama that i have going on in my life i have to have a c section this is scaring the hell out of me i don't know why. apart of it could be that i am all alone in this pregnancy. My partner has decided that this relationship is not what he want and has left home from 2 weeks ago and will not even answer my call when i message him hes very rude to me and with all the complications that i have going on in this pregnancy its just stressing me out. I have no support around me cause my family don't really care. in all of this i am trying to remain positive. If not for me for my baby and also my other children. but the tough of me lying in bed not able to do any thing scares the hell of off me cause i am the sort of person that just get on with it. But 1 thing i believe is that all things happen for a reason and this baby his here for a purpose. just wanted to vent cause there's no where else for me to do it.

[Hidden]

Oh no

I remember reading your last few posts/ questions on this forum when your relationship with your partner seemed to be going well "I dont understand" . The best thing i can say is give him some time & maybe you'll be able to have a good talk about your relationship & concerns

But its important for you to also stay as positive as you possibly can through this process as if you become too stressed the effects wont only affect the baby but your other children plus you too.

Ive personally never experienced having a c-section but i was speaking to a woman (a few months ago) in the school play-ground when picking up my son from school who had experienced both an emergency c-sec ' & a planned c-sec' & i remember her saying her recovery time was so much quicker & better getting through the planned c-section (compared to the emergency c-section) as the impact of the operation was a much more "calmer" event.

Im not a 100% sure but i think most hospital's & other NHS Surgery's can offer you some councilling for if you are feeling too nervous about a procedure to be done in a hospital.

xx

[jay1987]

Hi this is awful news same thing happened to me when I was pregnant with my first its awful but gotta think positive there is help out there if you need it and moral support on here. Do you have a friend around you you can talk to or as a birth partner who can be with you during your section? I had a section with my daughter and due to have another in 2weeks time. My first was meant to planned for health reasons but ended as an emergency due to preeclampsia. The recovered of a section is tough and I'm not going to lie it is painful and you are restricted to what you can do so its important to be careful and allow your body time to heal. You can't drive for 8 weeks after a section and it took me about 2weeks before I was we'll enough to push the pram very far so was restricted and had to rely on family abit more than I would have liked. I am more worried this time as my daughter starts school on the 3rd of sept and its quite a walk from home I am due to have baby on the 23rd of this month so not giving me a lot of time to recover but what needs done needs done. If you feel things are getting on top of you and you don't have people to talk to apart from here see your nearest "mind" counselling service it's free of charge as is brilliant for helping straighten out your mind and getting you back on track the sooner you do it the better for you and the baby also read up on ways of dealing with stress and anxiety there are lotsa of different techniques. Hope you get sorted soon try to to worry to much. Xx

[Hidden in reply to jay1987]

im in a very similar situation to u , my son starts school sep and im going in for a 2nd section fri !!! my actual due date was 23rd aug : ) i feel my recovery 1st time was similar to u , and I hate it when people think a section is an easy way of child birth . I have told everyone I will not b leaving the hose to go visiting anyone with the baby , in order to give myself rest and recovery at home and b fit enough to sort my son and baby 4 school run , also think iv got my niece whos also starting school for the afternoons the 1st 2 weeks cos of the settling in period , lucky me ha ha

[MELLISSAC8]

Thanks a lot guys.

[Hidden]

be strong for u and ur kids . a section isn't the nicest experience in terms of recovery but the operation itself isn't anything to worry about , if that's any help . u will need help in hospital , the 1st day especially and at home in terms of child care for your other children , with pain relief its manageable ( im doing it a 2nd time but don't think there will b a 3rd ) . ur only laid up the 1st day and not totally helpless , I got on with very little assistance , my partner was pretty absent , when he was there he was useless because he was out 4 of the 5 nights I was in hospital after baby was born wetting his head, so come in hungover and 'tired ' like I wasn't after 2 days of labour , and emergency operation and a new born to look after ! I breastfed so didn't need to sort bottles out , the nurses put my bed at a height so I could get reach over and basically drag baby out when he cried , I didn't go in expecting anything other than natural deliver so at least u can prepare b4 hand . I didn't think myself helpless so go on ok and the nurses are there to help ( I didn't like to bother them cos the were busy but realise now y should u b less of a priority than anyone else taking up their time ) baby daddy not much better around the house either and because he was here my family who would have been more than happy to help presumed he was looking after us so left us to it , I wish now I would have just asked and not tried to take everything on myself . this was my 1st child so didn't have to worry about the other kids , how old are they ? can they help u out ? just have to get planning and call in all the favours u can , kids dad , friends and family no matter how much they wont put themselves forward to help if u ask im sure not a lot will say no . good luck

[MELLISSAC8]

The think is my kids go back to school and before my 4 year old was home she is now going to school so that the big problem. The boys can go out by them self they r 15 and 7 and the my big son pic his brother. I don't live very close to there school has I moved home and the council would not change there school cause they say its within reach I am not sure anyone would understand wat I am going through unless they witness it. I was in hospital for 2 weeks cause I had a bleed and my 15 year old was the only person that came to make sure I was ok. It cost my money that I didn't have cause I had to buy take away every day my daughter was with my sister inlaw but she has 2 small small kids so she could do more than that. And the boys looked after them self at home. I have a mother here a step dad and 2 brother and 2 sister. But my mom is too busy doing Gods work so I think I am not a child of God my step dad God bless him he does the best he can considering they r not together anymore. I person that don't have friends my only friend is in Leeds and she just gave birth 4 weeks ago. I am just believing God that he will send my partner home to support me or someone else. And that's all I can do.

[Hidden in reply to MELLISSAC8]

will this b ur 1st section ? there is no way u will b able to do a school run with ur daughter the 1s few weeks either by car or walking or anyother method. my heart goes out to u , and ur 15 yo bless him. hopefully u got a good 10 weeks to get sorted , speak to who ever u can and get them to help, other mums at school etc... u said ur mum is too busy doing gods work ! well tell her u need her and god can wait a few weeks , i wish u all the best and maybe ur partners just getting cold feet but u cant just hope hes gona come back and ur gona b ok hes abandoned u a a time u need him so thats an issue, u need a plan of action , u have enough family to call upon , if your son can supprt u use him as an example to shame the others that can but arnt helping .

[MELLISSAC8 in reply to Hidden]

thanks for your advice.

[joda]

This sounds like an awful situation, nice to see the council is as helpful as always! Your mum should be putting you first. I'm not religious now, but I used to be and the one thing that was always said was family should come first. God is perfectly capable of doing his own work and gives strength to those in need, not the other way round. Your in need, your mum should realise that. Your 15 year old sounds super!

You will get through it, your kids might not have the easiest time with you needing c sec etc, but trust me kids are hardy. they cope better than most grownups give them credit for. I know after my brother was born my mum was in hospital a while and he wasn't well spending the first six months in and out of hosp. She didn't have much support, no family around at the time and I was passed from one person to another, whoever had a spare room at the time when needed. It was three miles to the school and with lack of money couldn't get the bus. A long walk for a 7 year old. Turns out we discovered neighbours we didn't know before, they became friends and were more than willing to offer help. And I came out the other side no worse for wear. Something will happen to help I'm certain. Hopefully things will get better for you soon x

[MELLISSAC8 in reply to joda]

Thanks I really hope it gets better.

[Hidden in reply to MELLISSAC8]

Just be positive and strong for your children and your baby .i had emergency csection a month ago and yes you are so restricted to what you can do but everyone has their own experience I haven't found it painful ive had to be xtra careful though I had to handle my baby from day one though because the only help available is during the evenings .i know its easy said than done but try to stop messaging your ex for now and just concentrate on you and your baby

[MELLISSAC8 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks I have not message him or rang him for a week now I just leave him cause that's wat he has asked me to do. My only worry at this stage is school run for my daughter. If that is sorted then I will be ok.