Am I being stupid, or is this normal...

[JNDuce12-13]

I'm 21 I first got pregnant last year, everything was going ok until 21weeks I went into labour.. ( due to some vile butcher of a doctor removing something off my cervix with no permission) 3days later after the most traumatic time of my life i gave birth to my baby boy Jacob he only lived for a short while cause of his gestation he wasn't viable and resus wasn't an option :,(

I'm now 28+4 with another lovely baby boy Ive passed my 24week viable marker and my 28week 90% survival rate marker etc... BUT now I'm terrified of still birth, cot death, complications during labour and just anything that might mean I lose my baby again. After being on a waiting list for over 6months for counselling I'm due to start it next week, I get into some rediculouse states to the point I can't breath or can't sleep or wake during the night seeing things ino it's not 100% normal but do you think this will go when my boy is safe and well and here? Will this impact on my ability to be a good mum. When I'm coping I cope very well its just those odd moments before bed, when I have time to over think... Will this pass? It's been a year in October since we lost Jacob but also will be when baby2 is due

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What Ur feeling is normal every mum goes through that anxiety but urs is magnified by what u had to go thru. .. I'm sorry must of been very hard... the counselling sounds like a great idea. . Think It will help to talk about what u have been thru and no every mum is anxious but u have to not let it get u so ur over anxious.. because u won't enjoy it if ur worrying all the time but that doesn't make u a bad mum... hope the counselling is a big help for u and all the best xx

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Oh my god, I can't believe they left you waiting for 6 months for counselling.. I am so terribly sorry for your distress. It sounds like you are in serious psychological pain and may occasionally be experiencing panic attacks.. I hope the counselling will help you soon but I would also keep in mind two things: 1) if you don't like the counsellor you can change them. Also you can try to see someone privately if you are not satisfied by what's on offer and of course if you can 2) please please please talk to your midwife or GP about your symptoms. Antenatal clinics these days also offer medical support for people in your situation under the supervision of an obstetrician, a psychologist and a psychiatrist. They may decide that it is of benefit to you to also take medication to help you deal with the stress and anxiety.

Most important of all, your distress won't make you a bad mother. Most probably all your symptoms will go away once you feel secure about your baby. But your nervous system is highly sensitised and it is important to help it calm down so that you don't experience so much distress now or in the future. Please consider the combination of medical and psychological support and ask for help ASAP!

[scoffcat]

It sounds like you're coping brilliantly given what you've been through. I agree that counselling sounds like a great idea - a space to talk openly about all your thoughts and feelings can be so, so helpful. You will be an amazing mum!