In need of re assurance.

[Robster]

Hi ladies,

I sometimes ask a question or 2 on this site and have shared with my wife.

This time I need help myself...

She is 17+3 and has become subdued and has come to the conclusion something is wrong? I keep on telling her that she shouldn't worry and it'll be fine... But she's convinced she should feel movement and 'butterflies' - this still could take another couple of weeks ?

What do I do ? How can I help / re assure her... She is worried / becoming introverted.

[Allyemo1985]

Pregnancy hormones unfortunately they come and go.. Reassure her that feeling something will come and as you get to 22+ weeks you and she will defiantly feel movement and it will only get stronger. I'm on my third pregnancy and didn't feel anything significant until 24 weeks. Once she has a scan at 20 weeks everything will seem even more real. there's nothing you can do other than support her in which you are already

[Robster in reply to Allyemo1985]

Thank you for your thoughts

[dons88]

Hi, it's nice to hear that you're taking such an active role in the pregnancy

Pregnancy is a crazy time for emotions - there will always be something to worry or stress about and emotional outbursts and periods of feeling low for no apparant reason is normal too. Regarding feeling baba, she is likely to start feeling something any time now although it could take right up to 24(ish) weeks - lots of factors can affect what you feel and when. Advise her to lie on her left side and drink something cold as this often helps get babies wriggling - try your hardest to reassure her that even if she can't feel anything yet it WILL happen soon!! I know it's easier said than done, but she just needs to trust your baby and be patient. If she's really concerned, tell her to call her midwife and see if she can pop in to have a listen to the heartbeat for reassurance.

Like I say, her mood is likely to just be due to a hormone cocktail but if you are genuinely worried about her state of mind and think she might be experiencing depression, urge her to let you take her to your GP - there is help available if its needed x

[Robster in reply to dons88]

Her emotions are changeable - when she's grouchy ( not often) I just laugh as we blame baby .... Every step is a step closer to birth and there'll be loads of waiting throughout... Thanks for your support

[ritz21]

Its my first pregnancy and I had nothing - no movements, no nausea or bump, no symptom of pregnancy during my 17th week. Except wild pregnancy hormones

The mid-wife appointment on week 18 + few days was helpful as I got to hear the baby's heart-beat so that was reassuring.

And than the growth scan on week 21 (our baby kicked on the scan, it was so visible but I still did not feel it).

I felt real movements only after week 21 + 4 days (2 days after the scan).

Tell her its normal not to feel anything on week 17th and she would be fine in just 3 more weeks time, after she gets to hear the babies heart beat or see it on the growth scan. Dont worry

and if she is still bothered maybe invest in a dopler to listen to babies heart (although this early in pregnancy, if you someday do not locate the heart beat, you may get worried about it)

[Robster in reply to ritz21]

Thank you for your suggestions... Fingers crossed

[Hidden]

I didnt get noticeable movement till 22 weeks and thisy 1st. Everyone

different but thts my experience

[Hidden]

I noticed tiny flutters around 16 weeks on and off for a week then nothing then around 18-19 weeks started feeling stronger movements. ... is very early to feel movement and ur so desperate to feel it for ur reassurance. ... tell her to wait just another week or so. ..ur womb is in front of ur bowel so what u might think is wind at the bottom of ur stomach is the baby! X

[Robster in reply to Hidden]

Thanks - never knew that so maybe that'll help

[gingerbaby]

I cant imagine what its like from a mans perspective, my husband he gives the best hugs which help. I know this might sound silly, but we like to head to a very large mothercare. And we kinda talk through things in the shop. We use the props! (Shop stuff to help us say what we mean) and at the same time get to spend qt with each other for munster.

[Robster in reply to gingerbaby]

We had great time in mamas and papas -thanks - now all I worry about is how much it all costs ! Joking !

[Nochok]

Hi robster,aim 20 weeks + 4 days and I have only been feeling my ' bubbles & butterflies' for around a week now. This is my first pregnancy so it's all v new and scary too. It feels like a little bubble s rising under my belly button ...only for a few seconds or like someone has a little feather and lightly tickles me for a few seconds. The feeling is v low down.. The timings for most first time mothers is 19-22 weeks but they say not to worry until you get above 24 weeks.

Cold drinks/ ice pops also seem to make them start and when I have been sat resting. Tell her not to worry , it's v v early yet!!! If she really isn't happy maybe o to a local private scanning clinic and for the sake of £140 it will put her mind at rest xxx

My husband is sat here with me and said to just listen to her, comfort her and don't worry !!

[Robster in reply to Nochok]

Many thanks

[p1ddh]

I was like that - I found between 15-20 weeks the most difficult time as i wasnt showing didnt feel movement had almost stopped throwing up and was waiting for a scan so you really dont know whats happening inside you and were hormonal and start to worry. I didnt feel any movement till around 20 weeks and then your never really sure if it truely is the baby movement as its such little things - like ppl say just a funny feeling inside your tummy - its not an obvious wiggle or kick that you just arent sure.

As long as no sinister symptoms - bleeding etc I would try reassure her - it is normal!!

[Robster in reply to p1ddh]

Thank you

[Megzey]

Buy her fetal Doppler as a present as you will both be able to hear the babies heart beating by now and she can sit there for ages listening to it and that will give her all the re assurance she needs that the baby is o.k when she here's that little heart thundering along. She will think you are the best husband ever.

[Robster in reply to Megzey]

Thanks for the suggestion

[Hidden]

In addition to sharing with her the experiences of the other expecting mothers that have already replied to you, it might be useful for your wife to give your midwife a call. I am sure the midwife will say exactly the same i.e. it is a bit too early to feel the baby and she will start feeling it in a very short time. But getting the info from a figure of authority might help calm her down more than anything else.

Secondly it would be useful for you to discuss with the midwife and/or your GP your wife's introversion/change of mood. Some pregnant women can get seriously depressed during and after pregnancy because of the hormonal changes and they need professional help. It would be useful for your wife to get properly evaluated because the NHS can provide help like free sessions with a counsellor and medication if necessary. The sooner depression is treated the better.

[Gersende]

Dear Robster,

All these suggestions are very true it is still early stage and there is often a 'mechanical' reason behind all this: your wife' s pelvis and posture.

As a previous mum and doctor precised above the womb is still slightly covered by the intestines who will progressively lift up during the pregnancy and sits on the top left of her belly and stay more and less squashed over there with a slightly twisted stomach which is likely to cause heartburns until soon after the delivery I would say.

Also your wife's pelvis may well be a little 'posteroirised' which might bring the embryo/twiny foetus at this stage posteriorly too. All this floating happily in a lovely water as I am sure she keeps hydrated well enough for baby and don't forget that baby is only 3-4 cms long at that stage. That is still so little!

I wouldn't necessarily put a label 'depressed' on her frontal lobe. I think it is fairly normal to wonder what is going on the first time it happens to you and to continuously wonder what we are suppoe to feel at every stage and how we are suppose to feel in ourselves. We lent our own body to a tierce person to develop in there after all. This is quite a huge thing to do.

But all will happen nicely and she will go through this pregnancy nicely too ...and like most of us, she will regret this time after baby will be born and you will both think of maybe enjoying a second pregnancy again! Ah! Not too fast though! Enjoy every minute of it! This whole pregnancy process is such a blessing, it is a miracle!

Tell her again than until 24 weeks plus she might only well feel just like a fish in the water!

This is fun!

Good luck to you two and well done for caring!