Feeling low. Need some kind words :(

Bit of history: We got married and had 'the conversation' about trying for a baby. To be honest, I was a bit terrified of the whole thing but fear soon turned to excitement and we started trying while on Honeymoon. Big surprise to BOTH of us when I fell pregnant straight away !

I'm now six and a half weeks and things had been going pretty well, but today has been a bad day :(

I keep reading that I should be feeling sick and needing to wee more often, but I don't have any of those kind of symptoms (I'm not looking for any sympathy from the sickness sufferers here; I just worry that 'things aren't how they should be' if I'm not displaying any of the classic signs and symptoms).

Went to the drs. Got booked it to see a midwife. In the meantime I got a booklet to read -which basically tells you all of the things that could go wrong with the baby, and it's corresponding (lack of) life expectancy when it's born. I read it back to back. Then I cried.

Stupidly, we're also trying to buy a house. When I say stupid, we don't have much choice as we can't have children where we are. We made two offers on a property we really liked but both have been rejected and I feel like we're back to square one again -it's taken us 4 months to get to this stage of finding a house that we both like. The house buying is a GOOD thing, just not the best timing -to be honest, both of us expected it to take a few months for me to get pregnant, and now all of a sudden I feel like we're on a count down.

I feel out of control of what's happening (or not happening) with my body.

I feel out of control of the house buying thing.

I've spent most of the day cleaning and sorting stuff and mainly trying to keep out of my husbands way -because whenever he asks me what's wrong I either don't want to talk about it or start crying :(

To top it all, I've now started stressing myself out about alcohol. In the past 3 weeks I've had 4 glasses of wine. The only time I've had a glass of wine has been because we've been out for dinner with friends and I've made 1 glass last 2 hours over dinner, and drank water with it, sip for sip. At the time, I felt fine about it. But today, all of a sudden, I feel really bad about it.

We don't have any dinner dates planned for the next forever, so I don't see me having another glass of wine anytime soon. But I feel guilty that I've damaged my baby, for what? For a glass of red wine with dinner?

Why am I writing all this? Because I need to get it out. And because I need a bit of reassurance, from someone, that it's all going to be ok.

Thank you for listening.xx

30 Replies

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  • Congratulations!! Ah well there's ur first symptom haywire hormones!. ..I didn't feel sick til about 7 weeks and never went for a wee more often..a glass of wine here and there is Ok. . Though I have heard to try and avoid in the first and last 3 months I like to have a wine or a beer when I go out and have finished the other half's fosters when he opens s can. .. ur having the same worries as all of us and it's hard but completely normal, I've googled loads of stuff and wish I hadn't! I hope the house hunting goes well it will be lovely when u finally move in with in ur arms xx

  • Thank you Babymother. I think you're right about the hormone thing! They are all over the shop! Been a bit better the last couple of days ...well, that was until my husband said something about me needing to 'snap out of it' last night. (That didn't go down very well!)

    ...Perhaps he should consider a career in counselling ;)

    On a serious note, things are a bit better now. Sometimes all we need is a bit of reassurance. And then some more reassurance. And then a bit more.x

  • Queenie! How do you feel now after that good ole session?! Good I hope!!

    A lot is changing and quickly, but it's not a bad thing, i promise you! I'm a massive believer in things happen for a reason. Just take a deep breath and think of all the exciting things to come!

    If I wasn't about to fall asleep, I'd tell you about my last 7 months of bad news... It's a little similar to what you've expressed. However, it'd make you feel lucky! ;)

    Regarding the wine, I drink a glass of red a week on recommendation of my GP, so don't worry!

    P.S congrats on your marriage & pregnancy! :)

  • Thanks Duppy, and yes I did feel a lot better just getting it all out! It's surprising what a good rant does. And thank you for your reassurance about the wine.

    I've tried explaining to my husband that I want to 'join in', but then when I do I just feel guilty the next day.

    He's actually been very good and cut down, in empathy, but some days it bothers me more than others.

    I'm sat here while he's drinking a beer and watching the football and it doesn't bother me at all.

    What funny creatures we are :) x

  • Hey hon, congratulations on the pregnancy ......did you realize you are probably having a roller-coaster of emotions which is also a sign of pregnancy ;) - so what if you dont have sickness kicking in yet - some lucky mom's dont have it at all !

    I had a similar story minus the house part, We married in June end, my family and friends left in July mid, had exams in August, Went honeymoon in September and got pregnant in October (and the only other friend trying for a baby is still trying after 10 months of planning for it and i thought thats how long babies take to come, but boom I was pregnant straightaway).

    And the only real sickness I can rant about any day is the emotional roller-coaster i have been through and still going through. I want to cry for anything and everything ! Now 30th week and I feel I wont be able to love the baby (which is very different to what i felt at week 24 and than at week 28) so you see what you are feeling are also all signs of pregnancy going right.

    About wine - well its not sure how good or bad it is. But I on a holiday lately, and I had two glasses of wine at different dinner occasion and I think its been fine so far. So don worry you and the baby would be just fine and happily growing !!

  • Thanks ritz21, and congratulations on your pregnancy too!

    Rather than morning sickness I just feel a bit flaked out and 'hungover' -yucky like you do after a heavy night and just want to drink lots of juice and eat fruit to try and cleanse yourself. Do you know what I mean?

    My husband is not enjoying the moodiness...but I believe he's looking forward to my boobs getting bigger ;) x

  • Hi there! I remember when I found out I was pregnant and I was lucky enough to be like you and have no sickness at all. I did find it very unnerving and I will be honest with you I was terrified when I went to the hospital for my scan because I had this little feeling that they were going to tell me that there was nothing there and that I had made it up!!! But seeing that little shape on the screen is the most amazing thing ever!!!

    It is an emotional upheaval and my husband told me that there had better be something there or it would be divorce because I had been so moody!!! So those hormones of yours have obviously kicked in! And that is a good thing.

    You need to relax and not put so much stress onto yourself as it really won't do you any good. Look after yourself. Take each day as it comes and enjoy having your baby. I am 20+4 now and getting a lovely tummy and can't wait to see my baby again on Wednesday!

    Hope you feel better soon! :-)

  • Thanks gemgem1496

    I'm glad my husband can't read this or your hubby might give him ideas! ;)

    I'm going to try and take your advice and take each day as comes. Someone said to me once ''How do you eat an elephant? ...One bite at a time.'' x

  • I didn't feel sick until the 6th or 7th week and my mum never felt sick through either of her (successful) pregnancies!

    The biggest gift you can give yourself right now is to do things that will reduce your worry-don't go googling stuff to try and work out if your baby is ok, put that horrible worst case scenario screening book away in a xupboard and if you have ever been able to dismiss worries before, start seeing if you can do it again now. I worked myself up into such a state before my first scan about what could be wrong at that stage that I ended up crying at work with one of the managers I was so on edge. Bottom line I learned that thinking about all the things that could be wrong didn't make an atom of difference to the outcome of the scan, it just ruined any pleasure I might be getting from anything and made me feel down. So I have been working really hard to apply this as I get near my second scan. I still get thoughts about how something on that horrendous list could be wrong and then the consequences of that but I'm consciously deciding to not dwell on it. Which has made me a lot happier and waay more relaxed. (Even now as I type I have the thought 'now you've said how you're coping that will mean fate will make something wrong with your baby'.) That's my crazy brain but I'm not gonna dwell on it right now. Not that I always manage it- nighttimes are worst and if I slip into thinking about so kind of horrible fantasy whilst going to sleep I have to get my husband to come and give me a cuddle and talk to me about happy things until I feel better....

    Obvuously everyone is different and you have the house stress too which I can't imagine what that's like, I really hope or works out for you.

    All I know is that my worries were all for nothing in our first scan and it was the best experience so far!!! And if it hadnt been ok on that day, being down and anxious already reall wouldn't have achieved anything, for me. So working on not worrying now for the next few weeks until the next one...

    Hoping someone's comments help here xxxx

  • Thankyou MimDee :)

    I DEFINITELY have 'crazy brain' at the moment. Hoping I'll start to calm down a bit soon. My husband wants me to talk to people (like my best friend who's had a baby) but I've got it in my head that I don't want to tell anyone until after the 12 week scan, not even my Mum.x

  • Bless you! Firstly congratulations!!

    Secondly, there is no symptom that every pregnant woman gets. I had no mornings sickness at all but my boobs were so sore and I had the awful crippling tiredness for the first trimester. I didn't feel pregnant at all until I started showing and feeling baby move around. S don't worry about that. Your hormones are haywire too, which means everything is a million times worse whether its good stuff for bad stuff. I wish I could tell you this goes but it doesn't!! My baby is 7 weeks old tomorrow and I'm still chock full of the flipping hormones!

    Try to relax and enjoy this special time when no one else knows your exciting news. It's the only time it's truly yours, once families know and start getting involved *rolls eyes* let's just say I don't often feel my baby is mine when the in laws are round!!

    As for the alcohol, we had a holiday to turkey with my family when we were trying and we didn't know it but I was pregnant. I had a little bleed half way through the week, assumed I wasn't pregnant and hit the booze for the rest of the week! Did my little one no harm, a w glasses here and there will not have hurt at all.

    Good luck for your house buying, it is stressful but worth it x

  • Thanks for the reassurance with the booze, tigernoodles, :) I hope this doesn't sound weird but it makes me feel better that you had a few glasses and your baby is fine.

    To be honest (and I'm not saying this kind of behaviour is to be encouraged) but our Grandmothers probably drank and smoked through most of their pregnancies, and I don't know about yours but my parents seem pretty ok for it.

    ...However I'm DEFINITELY not telling my husband that the hormones will continue after the baby's OUT!! ;)

    x

  • Everything that everyone has said is so true - pregnancy is a real rollercoaster and everything that you are feeling is perfectly normal.

    I'm not really a worrier - but have spent so much of the last 36 weeks worrying - and I think this is pretty common for everyone. We also got pregnant a lot quicker than we expected (6-8 weeks before our wedding) and had the dilemma of whether to cancel/go on honeymoon (with long distance flight), then various symptoms and I had to have a cervical stitch because of previous surgery for cervical cancer. Then there's the hormones!!! Oh my goodness, I'm not an over-emotional person either - but pretty much everything makes me cry now.

    So - with everything you've got going on, it's really not surprising that you're feeling worried and emotional. Try not to worry (I know, it's so hard) but in the end you just take things day by day and each midwife appt and scan is a little milestone to get to.

    The brilliant news is that you've got this far and all 3 of you are ok :-). You're together and you're moving in the right direction with finding a house. That's a hugely emotional thing too, so no wonder you're feeling up and down. In the end things will work out and you'll find and get the right house for you. I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason and you haven't got those other houses, because your perfect house is still out there (and you will find it!).

    Just one other thing about pregnancy symptoms.... everyone is really different and there's no standard experience for everyone. I didn't 'feel' pregnant for months.... I didn't show for absolutely ages and at 36 weeks tomorrow, I'm still smaller than everyone else in my antenatal classes. One of my friends who's pregnant and due the day before me looked more pregnant at 8 weeks than I did at 18 weeks!

    It's great that you're reaching out for a bit of support and this forum is brilliant for that. Don't worry and suffer alone. Shout up when you feel low, share it with your husband (he's probably worrying too and will be worrying about how you're feeling) and remember - everything that you're feeling and experiencing is absolutely normal :-)

  • Thanks HelenEv

    I AM a natural worrier but I am proudly taking The Art of Worrying to new heights and levels! ;)

    You're right: the brilliant news IS that all 3 of us have got this far and are all ok :)

    And I believe 'Everything happens for a reason' too.

    I can't tell you how much better I felt reaching out for a bit of support on here, and just getting some of my worries out. We had a bit of a chat today and he said that he does the opposite of others, in a complimentary kind of way: he said that because I'm mega stressed out, he's trying to be all calm and relaxed to be reassuring (even if that's not always how he feels) -that made me feel better because I just thought that he wasn't bothered or didn't understand, whereas actually I now understand where he's coming from a little better :) x

  • Congratulations xxx

    Welcome to the pregnancy roller coaster of emotions :)

    Lucky you, no sickness, that's great! It doesn't mean a thing has gone wrong.

    Early pregnancy is very worrying till you see your 12 week scan then lie me you begin to worry about a new thing! I'm 34 weeks and still worry.

    The only time I would say you could worry is if you have pain and red fresh blood, this for me was a sign of my first miscarriage.

    In this pregnancy at six weeks I booked in for a private scan and again at ten weeks just to help me through my first trimester, I also bought a foetal Doppler called angle sounds I bought it from 12 weeks onwards and since then I listen to babies heartbeat:)

    Drinking alcohol is. Personal choice, I don't, but my sister who just had her baby had a glass of wine every week and her baby was fine. Also think about it there are unfortunately people that drink and smoke, don't change and still have heathy babies.

    One massive lesson so far is that I really have to believe in my body and that it can do this, you need to start thinking positively, as soon as a bad thought comes to mind, push it away and tell yourself it will be fine.

    Keep in touch xxxx

  • Thanks Skyblueboston :)

    I had a bit of cramping the last couple of weeks, but (touch wood) that seems to have disappeared now. And I've not had any blood, so all good on that front.

    I think your best bit of advice was about believing in your body: as terrifying as I find the prospect of giving birth (even if it IS way off at the mo), I need to remember that lots of other women have managed it, and I'll manage it too.

    Let's face it, if my MUM managed it (she's got the lowest pain threshold I know & is a right hypochondriac) then I'll be alright. The problem is that, because it's still early days, no one knows at work and women keep talking about terrifying birthing experiences just lately :S

    x

  • Hi. Congrautalations!!

    Dont worry about morning sickness, if you are emotionally upo and down, then you are definitely pregnant :)

    some lucky ones never have morning sickness. I didn't have any at all, for example.

    enjoy this time , is the most amazing moment!

  • Thank you for your reassuring words :) x

  • Hey Queenie78

    I hear you on the worrying front and all the other things you had hoped/planned for.

    I too worried a lot at the beginning (and still do now). We have been trying to sell our flat for nearly 2 years and move into a house but can't find a buyer :o( So I now have to accept that my grand plan of moving into house in time for the baby's arrival is not a reality... but hey I guess as long as the baby is healthy, I have to count my blessings.

    As for sickness, I was like you. I kept saying to my husband that I wasn't experiencing any symptoms at all and so there might be something wrong with the baby but I am currently 28 weeks and so far so good. Btw I didn't end up with morning sickness at all. The only symptom I would say I experienced early on was being very tired. It was much later from around 12 weeks that I began to experience symptoms and for me that was sore ribs and pelvic problems so don't worry, I'm sure your symptoms will come in good time!

    Lastly, personal choice I didn't drink alcohol but from what I have read, a glass of wine every so often should be fine so I wouldn't worry about what you have already consumed. I guess going forward the question might be if you are going to feel guilty after, is it worth it? This was the conclusion I came to for things I found difficult to give up such as certain cheeses, mousse, mayonnaise, etc. But again, you need to weight up what works for you.

    Hope that helps - all the best with your pregnancy xx

  • Thanks RMRS for the reassurance :)

    That is a good point: if I'm going to feel guilty then what's the point.

    I've not had anything this week, although we're going out for a friends dinner on Friday so I might have a glass of red; then again I might not. I'll see how I feel on the night.

    I do feel a bit more relaxed about it now though. The hardest thing for me (I know it sounds weird) is 'feeling left out'. I'm sure I'll get used to it in time x

  • I go on this site called Babycenter and look at fetal development week by week and that tells you 'how you may be feeling at this time in the pregnancy & how the baby is developing'. All the things that they say on that for how far gone I am (16w 2days) are incorrect. I have never had sickness with all 3 of my pregnancies nor am I in Maternity clothes which it says I should be, so everything you read puts the fear of god into you as you think, hang on a minute maybe there is something wrong with the baby etc as it might not be growing. We all go through this worry, pregnancy is not easy and you will never stop worrying.

    Just try and chill and look after yourself.

    As for the drinking wine, I am not a good one to dish out advice on that. I think I am coping pretty bad this time, I love a drink as much as the next person and find it hard when I go out for a meal or meet friends not to have a glass of wine but I only have one, it doesn't help that the mother in law is a member of the wine club either and she lives next door ;-) I think as long as you are not getting hammered (which I am sure you are not) then I think you will be fine.

  • Thanks Megzey :)

    I've got a book that I read, which is great....but...it does say thinks like ''you're probably feeling really sick and can't keep anything down'''....I managed to keep my dinner and my Toblerone down, thankyou very much! ;)

    Then, to top it all, the other day was a WHOLE page on the different types of miscarriage :( Not the best thing to read when you're having a little flip out.

    Things are better today though, and I feel much more positive about things :) x

  • Had my midwife app yesterday and she has put me at 17w 1day now. I had a heavy bleed at 12w and was in hospital thinking I was having a mc but they scanned me and I have got a Hematoma in my womb which when my cervix's stretches the blood vessels pop and cause a bleed. I dread going to the toilet. Bye the baby magazines instead of the gory books they are much more pleasant to look at.

  • Good advice, thank you :)

    Sorry to hear about the hematoma -that must have been very frightening :( Does that mean you'll continue to have bleeds throughtout your pregnancy as your womb stretches?

  • I asked the midwife yesterday and she said hopefully it will just stay brown blood but obviously if goes red need to go to A&E. The midwife said this loss I am having now is a good sign(easy for her to say) as it is coming away and the placenta might dissolve it. I wont know until my 20 week scan to tell if it has dissolved or got bigger. What is your due date??

  • I know it must be difficult when it's your body and your baby, but you have to try and hang on to the positives of what she's saying.x

    I'm only 7 weeks today so at the moment it's the 2nd Januray ! Eeeek! ...Not the best time of year to have to go to hospital, but hey ;)

  • Congratulations on your marriage and pregnancy :)

    I am extremely lucky when it comes to morning sickness, I never experienced any!! I have however felt sicky recently and im 34+5 weeks so dont stress.every woman and pregnancy is different :)

    When you have your first scan app, you will have peace of mind!

    Dont worry about the alcohol, I didnt find out i was expecting until i was 6 weeks and had my sisters surprise birthday and 2 weddings that month.. being honest i was a social drinker before i became pregnant and in the begining found it difficult.. but as my partner keeps reminding me 'all they will have the next day is a hangover, we will have something far more amazing' :)

    Good luck with house hunting and your pregnancy :) Everything will work itself out in the end xx

  • Thanks ashy2005

    Your boozy story definitely made me feel better ;)

    And I really liked what you said about ''all they'll have is a hangover...'' I told this to my husband and he said he's going to remind me of this later on x

  • Don't panic!!!! I haven't felt sick at all and some people don't have any pregnancy symptoms in the first trimester. The odd glass here and there's not going to harm the baby. I too have had a glass of wine whilst out with friends just so I can throw them off the scent. My friend shared some pregnancy counselling advice with me. It doesn't matter if you spend the whole time worrying, it won't change anything so you might as well be as positive and that is much healthier for you.

    Good luck with the house and the pregnancy. We're all here to offer support. xx

  • Thanks Chipper :)

    You have a very wise friend! I do feel a lot more positive today. PLUS we went and viewed 2 more houses today -one of them was HORRIBLE but we're thinking of putting an offer in on the second one :) Things might be on the up! x

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