Bit of history: We got married and had 'the conversation' about trying for a baby. To be honest, I was a bit terrified of the whole thing but fear soon turned to excitement and we started trying while on Honeymoon. Big surprise to BOTH of us when I fell pregnant straight away !
I'm now six and a half weeks and things had been going pretty well, but today has been a bad day
I keep reading that I should be feeling sick and needing to wee more often, but I don't have any of those kind of symptoms (I'm not looking for any sympathy from the sickness sufferers here; I just worry that 'things aren't how they should be' if I'm not displaying any of the classic signs and symptoms).
Went to the drs. Got booked it to see a midwife. In the meantime I got a booklet to read -which basically tells you all of the things that could go wrong with the baby, and it's corresponding (lack of) life expectancy when it's born. I read it back to back. Then I cried.
Stupidly, we're also trying to buy a house. When I say stupid, we don't have much choice as we can't have children where we are. We made two offers on a property we really liked but both have been rejected and I feel like we're back to square one again -it's taken us 4 months to get to this stage of finding a house that we both like. The house buying is a GOOD thing, just not the best timing -to be honest, both of us expected it to take a few months for me to get pregnant, and now all of a sudden I feel like we're on a count down.
I feel out of control of what's happening (or not happening) with my body.
I feel out of control of the house buying thing.
I've spent most of the day cleaning and sorting stuff and mainly trying to keep out of my husbands way -because whenever he asks me what's wrong I either don't want to talk about it or start crying
To top it all, I've now started stressing myself out about alcohol. In the past 3 weeks I've had 4 glasses of wine. The only time I've had a glass of wine has been because we've been out for dinner with friends and I've made 1 glass last 2 hours over dinner, and drank water with it, sip for sip. At the time, I felt fine about it. But today, all of a sudden, I feel really bad about it.
We don't have any dinner dates planned for the next forever, so I don't see me having another glass of wine anytime soon. But I feel guilty that I've damaged my baby, for what? For a glass of red wine with dinner?
Why am I writing all this? Because I need to get it out. And because I need a bit of reassurance, from someone, that it's all going to be ok.
Thank you for listening.xx