Ok. 12 months on, I have just read somewhere f "what no one told you" about ttc, that is. And I now want to tell others about how I feel.
We started trying at the end of April last year. Just after doing everything in the order I thought it should be done: career, house, wedding... . In September 2008, my obgyn had told me I had PCOS, but I never gave it to much relevance for two reasons:
1. He didn't do a great deal of tests, only an internal ultrasound
2. When I asked whether it would prevent me from getting pregnant, he said no.
Two weeks before we started, I went to see my GP and told him about my PCOS diagnosis and the fact that my periods were fairly irregular (5 to 9 weeks)
The first two months were exciting. The appearance of my period only made me think we had mis-timed sex. I could not believe the negative test in September, given I had been having plenty of sex around what I thought would have been my ovulation time (note I wasn't charting...) So, more determined than ever, I decided that October was the month I would get pregnant. I spent about £90 in ovulation tests that month (you can imagine that 7 week long cycles turn out to be expensive... :-)). And to my surprise, I did not ovulate!
So, on the 4th (or 5th...) of November I went to see my GP and explained the situation. Fairly young and inexperienced, he had to refer to a proforma to know what to say. His first question was: "How do you know you haven't ovulated?" "I have been taking tests every morning for about 6 weeks", I said. He then decided to send me for the 21-day blood work. Results, collected in early December, showed that I had not ovulated that month either. The good thing about this appointment, is that I met a new GP who was great and I now ask to see every time.
He recommended to repeat the test again on the 21st day of my next cycle (to confirm that the first one wasn't a spurious result), but also to get my husband's sperm tested. My doctor also asked me to have an ultrasound. I spent the whole of Christmas waiting for my period, so that I could get the second test done asap. It took nine weeks! Unnerving!. And guess what, day 21, I was meant to be in a business trip. Thankfully, my business trip got delayed and I managed to have the test on the morning I left!
My husbands results came back ok, but mine showed no ovulation again. And also high levels of prolactin. The ultrasound was ok, though (yei). No PCOS was detected (yei) My GP sent me to an endocrinologist, who, after a number of tests, put me on bromocriptine.
The good news is that four weeks after I started the bromocriptine, I had a period. On day six of my cycle, I started testing for ovulation again. When, by day 15th, I did not get a positive LH surge, I felt like I was loosing hope for the first time. I had sex with my husband on day 19th (for pleasure, really, not with the expectation of conceiving) On day 20, I detected an LH surge, (and it made me almost as happy as if I was told I was pregnant!), but it was gone the next day. It left me wondering whether it was a false positive. We had sex on day 20 too.
It is day 29 today. I wonder whether I am pregnant or not. I don't feel pregnant. But I want to....
This is the first time I have explained all of this to anybody. I have told a couple of very good friends, but they leave far away and we only talk occasionally. I only allowed my husband to tell his family we were ttc after I had been diagnosed, and asked him not to do it in front of me. I have not told my family anything. I just don't want people to feel sorry for me. I read this blog every morning, and have done so for about 6 months. It helps.
Oh, Dear. I will stop now. If you have made it to this point, thank you for reading.