My husband wants to bring another female in our life, but he’s trying to convince me it’s not cheating. She will be available for comfort through our storms.
When do you know your spouse is tired of... - My MSAA Community
When do you know your spouse is tired of living your M.S.life?
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TeeDear
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That’s a tough one because I don’t think anyone else should voice their opinion on or about somebody relationship. I personally think it’s just an excuse. I think a true partner is solely committed to their partner no matter what physical or mental issues they may be going through. I’ve been married for over 28 years and living with MS for over 18 of them. I don’t think I would approve of that. That’s my opinion. I wish you luck and the best on your situation.
I feel that way also , but I wasn’t sure it I was feeling like that because I’m the one with the illness
i sickness and in health, I take you forever or words to that effect
Uh, what does he have in mind, TeeDear? Available for comfort through our storms.... Who's comfort? His? You didn't give us many details, but it sounds like he wants a woman on the side, and he wants your blessing?'Something is rotten in the state of Denmark!' as the quote from Hamlet goes. Best wishes to you, TeeDear.
i am sorry for having him say that to you ...i don't know what you should do for it is between the two of you ...take care and be safe ...love and much happiness anyway that you want to is all you have to remember is YOU are what is important in the fight with this monster i call MS ...just be safe ....take care ...have to love yourself....
Is he talking about a live in care giver for you? Or live in mistress? I personally wouldn't tolerate a mistress. I've been married almost 27 years and if my husband suggested that I'd tell him not to let the door hit him on his backside on his way out with his stuff. But that's just me. As someone else said "in sickness and in health" was what you promised to each other. Don't let him bully you into thinking less of yourself.
If you don’t agree on what cheating is, then that’s not a solution. As for your question, we are both tired of it, but I don’t think we have issues a side piece or 3rd party would fix. My disease guilt would be tripping though, and those words would not be unheard. We would probably need couples therapy to move forward. I’m in no way judging either of you or telling you what you should do or think. I hope you both can figure out an agreeable comforting solution for dealing with this issue during your storms.
Hard no.
What does he mean by "bringing another female into your lives"?
Comfort through our storms he sounds like he needs F5 tornado kick in the ass. I always apply if the tables were turned theory in that how would he respond if he was the sick one and you asked to bring in another man. Sweetie no man, woman, partner should ever ask that question, are you on a reality TVShow?
I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this. I personally would find this unacceptable. Prayers for strength in whatever you decide.
I bet that was tough to hear and played on your guilt. I don't think it has anything to do with your MS though. Many men want this whose spouses don't have a disease that requires help. I agree with the idea of couples therapy. Having a non biased professional weigh in how much help this other woman would actually be for your relationship may help him see the truth.
You could ask about bringing another man into your lives to comfort you through the storms (not for real of course) but I don't think that would be productive but may help him realize what he is asking.
Sorry you are having to deal with this! Just remember you deserve to be treated with love and respect by your spouse no matter how disabled you become.
TeeDear, value your beautiful self. Your feelings, your reactions, no matter what they are, matter. If the caretaker is for you, your needs, that could work if you select the caretaker. If not, perhaps you are better off evaluating other options. Listen to your self, you, not MS, not anyone else, you choose the paths you follow. You know best.
I think it’s very selfish of your husband to poise this question during your weakest time. You’re a beautiful woman and your protection is more valuable than him trying to fulfill his personal wants and not need. My prayers are with you as your face this tough question from your husband. Hopefully he realized what’s most important and that should be YOU🙏🏾
Hard no. I try not be judgemental but it sounds like it something you don't want. It's for sickness and health and all that.
I wonder how he'd feel if you said, "I'd like to bring another guy into our relationship for those times when you are really getting on my nerves. ". Don't sell yourself short!
As a person recently divorce with progressive MS I find this Intolerable! Have some self worth and self value. It's better to be alone with at least the possibility of being happy then this kinda sh*t. Your health WILL go downhill under these circumstances. I guarantee it. It's not a probably it's 100% chance.... F*ck him! Leave him now. YOU will be better off! I'd also shame him by telling your friends. I'm a man and my wife could justify anything in her demented mind.A mature person would seek counseling....
Also this is not something for couples therapy. It's a clear deal breaker and if you accept it it is practically a form of suicide. Think about this. How will you ever just be able to even look at him again without hurt and anger.
I find this offensive!
Let him know that you don’t need a stranger’s “comfort” through your storm (unless of course it’s a hot man😂.) I think I would tell him to go on about his business and to not be surprised if you’re not there when he returns home. I can’t understand him needing comfort through YOUR STORM! He should be ashamed of himself. If he wants to “add” another female, that means that you’re still able and you oblige, so therefore he’s not deprived. He made a vow and it didn’t include adding a third somewhere later in life. It would be extremely difficult for me to forgive my husband for even suggesting something like this, much less allow it.
I'd not go for that idea.
You might be interested in reading about cognitive dissonance.
verywellmind.com/what-is-co...
I wish you well.
oh no no no...i have been married 35 years and in case i wasn't clear NO! you deserve so much better.he can bring a female in when he is alone,when you can go on with your life,that is the kind thing for him to do .this whole statement has to be stressful, and we know what stress will do for ms.....how dare him when you are ill.......
I’m so sorry! That’s an awful request! Clear no! Maybe suggest he spend more time with make friends for a mental break. But if my husband went in that direction it would be over!
I'm with NanaCC and the N5Tornado Kick in my answer. You are a beautiful, strong and valuable person, and deserve to be treated as such! I was diagnosed 40 years ago, and I have lived with MS ever since. I don't have any guilt related to MS. I had no intention to get this weird, wacky mess and I refuse to let anyone else try to make me feel less than who I am,for ANY reason. From your answer to RoyJr, I think you know how you feel, and that is what is important here, TeeDear. You have an illness, you are not stupid! You husband is way out of line, and what you decide to do about it is up to you. Value yourself for the person you ARE, and will become, with or without him.
Reading through other people's words, I believe we're all in agreement on our feelings about this one. The only thing I would amend is Bwine's (just above). Don't move out. Have the locks changed and his clothes in the front yard!
You are a beautiful lady and must value yourself as such. If he's sick of the MS, he should just think of how You feel! He sounds quite selfish. Please take good care of yourself, and if that means going forward without him, so be it. But do the best for You that you can.
👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼to everyone who gave a positive and supportive reply to TeeDear. I hope it gives her strength in numbers. Way to go family!!
That is a straight up lie from hell🤯 That boy needs to wake up to reality and get over himself.
Oh goodness! Reading through the comments and I think we all agree he’s out of line. If he’s willing, I’d say get some counseling. Please take care of yourself. A stressful relationship will take a toll on your health. MS is a terrible disease, not only for those of us who have it, but also for our families. It’s tiring for everyone, but all the more reason to stick together and support each other! I’m in the camp of being reconciled with your spouse if at all possible, but if he’s not willing, you must take care of yourself. Prayers for you!
TeeDear I hope that you find comfort in the group's clarity about your spouse's behavior. I understand if you don't want to or can't throw him out. Maybe it would be too much of a financial or emotional stress to live on your own, small kids, whatever. I get it. Just so you know he is so very wrong on so many levels! he can't have it both ways. 3 people in a marriage is not how it works.
I agree with everyone else here. That seems like a lot of stress he’s putting on you which you don’t need. I will pray for you
all i have to say is: 😡😤😱. did he forget about the part in your vows that says, 'in sickness and in health?' is he ignoring all the times you've supported him with i dunno say, man flu? i can't.
For me it would not mean plus one female, but minus one male.
My freiends got divorced. When they started dating other people, the guy dated a lady with MS for a many months. They have since broken up but just saying life is not over because you have MS
Living through a pandemic, living with MS and just frankly LIVING do not need the kind of drama your partner in life is brining to you and your relationship. Talk it out, couples counseling and find a happy medium and if that is to be apart and take care of you then do it.
In any relationship you know the strength of the bond by what happens to the relationship and how you both react to it. With MS not always showing physically but invisible for some this can be harder for others to understand as they don't see the illness although they know it is there. A hard reality check on the relationship and what it means to both of you is in order.
I wish you luck, you didn't ask for MS, none of us did but it is the 3rd partner in all of our relationships once it appears. That is what chromic illness is - the 3rd partner with a say all on its own and how it impacts us changes day to day and moment by moment.
Surround yourself with love/kindness and those that love you for you. Good Luck!
I am sorry he had the nerve to ask you.
Pack his bags..set them outside the door and don't open it for the scumbag.
I just can imagine if my husband gives the same suggestion!... as somebody else said here "Don't let him bully you into thinking less of yourself."💪💪
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