Anything to avoid

doing paperwork...

My desk and the floor around my desk is stacks and stacks of paperwork. I never used to be so unorganized but I find myself putting off doing any and all paperwork, household or business related until the last possible moment, maybe it's because it seems so stressful, or that I seem to make so many mistakes... if this was anything other than a home business I would have been fired, wish I could fire myself! Really starting to question my ability to stay on top of things. If being honest that's not true, I haven't been on top of things for a long time now...

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  • lois52 Hi there, this is Judi. I can so relate to what you are saying. Since I can remember, I have always been very organized. I've had some kind of system for everything, either by age, season, color or person. Somewhere that changed. I have perfect stacks just like you say of paper work, clothes, etc. it's as if I'm afraid I may need something or if pertains to my children, I feel I am throwing them away. This then creates stress which makes everything else worse. I do have OCD, so that I believe is part of the reason and I'm thinking it might have to do with the fact we have gone through some real financial struggles, which maybe subconsciously it has caused me to have reached this point. Whatever it is, I know I need help to overcome it. I wish I could help you or we could help each other, but try my friend not to be so hard on yourself. You are a good person.😊

  • I do anything to avoid the organizational/reading tasks. I'm just not able to handle them as well as I used to. Yes, I also was the go-to person for all of this. Now it just stresses me out and then exhausts me as I use all my mental energy to get things done. My heart goes out to you...you having to do that as it is your own business.

  • Well, I'm with you ladies for sure. I do all of the household business. Pay bills, decide insurances, balance the checkbook etc. I'm just not interested in any of it anymore. Trying to convince hubby he needs to learn how to pay bills via internet.. I guess I should take responsibility as I've always done that part of our marriage.. He'll learn when he has to learn..

  • Same here Lyn, but it's different when you pay the same bill twice, or make a mistake, they usually have a comment, but they are not very eager at coming forward, as you say, they will learn when they have to, blessings Jimeka

  • AS he says, he never was in a relationship with a woman that could do all that, work full time and cook, so he married me! :-)

  • Great sense of humour, like it blessings Jimeka

  • My attempts to get my husband to pick up the bill chore the past year or so has fallen on deaf ears. After spending a couple hours one morning trying to reconcile the checkbook with the bank statement, I broke down in tears.

    "I'm off," I said, "and I can't find my error. I really need you to help with all of this. It's just becoming too much for me."

    He sat down on the couch, gently patted the cushion beside him and said, "Come here and we'll go over this together."

    I really lost it then. Sometimes I think I Must speak a foreign language. I needed him to DO it, not teach me how to do it. I've done it all for decades and have never had a problem until recently. I was mentally drained that morning and didn't have a single brain cell left to recharge. I'm with you, CalfeeChick and jimeka! It's time to pass the baton.

  • Sorry you had to go through that. Just a suggestion, I access my account online and follow it for a few days and if the difference doesn't correct itself, and the difference isn't too much, I just change the check book to match. May not be the smartest way to do it, but saves me stressing about it😊

  • Thanks, CalfeeChick. We've (I've) always balanced out to the penny. It was a simple subtraction/addition error (and yes, I use the calculator too πŸ™„) that I just couldn't 'see.' Most of our stuff is autopay/direct deposit, so rather simple. That was a bad day, but also, maybe for the first time, really highlighted my struggles to my husband. So maybe it was a blessing in disguise. πŸ˜‰

  • So glad mark agreed to be the bill payer at the start of our marriage πŸ˜‰

  • CalfeeChick u mention lack of interest. I have always been a very motivated person and enjoy reading but lately I can't get thru 10 pgs of a book.

    I have 3 terrific novels that I keep renewing from the library because I haven't even started them. I typically read in the evening but now that seems too much for my tired brain and I end up playing repetitive games on my computer. πŸ™

  • erash, I haven't been able to read or write (as in creative writing) in over 2 years now. My neuro and the speech therapist, who tested me last year, said it is due to the MS. Any chance your recent cog test revealed a problem with this? It might be more than a lack of interest. Reading anything that requires concentration wipes me out.

  • Tutu in real life, I know for sure it's my MS since this is so NOT me and I'm not feeling depressed. The neuro cog testing showed some decline but not consistent with what I experience.

    @tutu or Anyone else feel like this:

    I can actually see, feel, hear my brain rebelling. It's telling me, "sorry kid, you've overworked me and I'm closed for the day." 🚧 And then the cog wheels grind to a haltβš™

  • I'm really sorry, erash. I empathize with you. But in a way (maybe selfishly?), I'm really happy someone else understands what I'm going through. πŸ’•

  • Tutu

    It just weird but not necessarily in a bad way. Almost like an out of body experience.

    I told someone recently, I've never talked to myself so much.

    She laughed, "sure you have. You just never listened."

    πŸ˜‰

  • Ha! 😊

  • @CalfeeChick . . . oh my! When I read your post IT WAS ME!!! Same story, good book waiting for me and I play repetitive games on the computer!

    This morning I was supposed to help out at church for a funeral. I was awake early, felt great, had breakfast and relaxed with a cup of coffee. Suddenly I realized my body felt like it weighed a ton. Getting up from the chair seemed overwhelming. I texted the coordinator letting her know I was 'under the weather'. It never gets easier to cancel a plan. The guilt and self doubt kicks in and makes it more unbearable.

    Right now I'm sitting here in my living room. The beauty of Christmas all around. I've enjoyed it so much since Thanksgiving. How am I going to take it all down and put it away? Why don't I just get up and do it? There is no one else. The cats use the same response when I ask for help . . . "We would but we have no thumbs". Gotta love 'em.

    Thanks all for letting my dump. I'm so tired.

  • MarciaD

    A thought....recently I was somewhere that keeps their tree up year round and redecorates it for each season and holiday (works best if not a live show tree obviously--a pile of brown pine needles isn't very cheery).

    I can so relate on the guilt of cancelling out on something!

  • erash , thanks for the idea. Actually, I've seen it done and it can be very pretty! I am not a very creative person, so mine would look exactly like what it is. A Christmas Tree that no one took down! LOL!

    I'm believing that tomorrow will be a better day and I'll find my spunk!

  • MarciaD i will donate any extra spunk I find πŸ‘

  • If either of you have extra spunk you're willing to share, I'll take some erash and MarciaD. 😁

  • πŸš€

  • Hi Lois, have you considered a calm evening and a barbecue lol !

    I too find paperwork a massive head drain and tend to keep putting off the inevitable. Must be twice as hard trying to keep control of business paperwork besides all the household stuff. Maybe bitesize chunks would be easier to tackle, so you are not working for too long at a time. Hope you can muster some energy ! Angela x

  • Hi lois52

    Because I'm easily distracted and my memory su*#% I make myself a detailed to do list each morning and get immense satisfaction checking things off or at least a sense of calm when I can simply move the task to the next day.

    When it's a big task, I tell myself, just do it for 30 minutes. Usually I can at least motivate myself to get started that way.

    Maybe those things will help u to?

  • Good morning. I find that fact that my bill/business drawer for home use is a mess horrible. I used to always be paying a bill or filling out paperwork. Now I open the drawer and gently close it . My mind just can't do it anymore. No money helps to close the drawer too. I use my bank phone app because my checkbook doesn't equal the bank balance ugh!!

  • lois52, You are so courageous! You shine a light into a corner of my shame, and make me feel so much less burdened. All the responses here tease out what I have been struggling with: unable to find the energy to pay my bills, shred or file paperwork, get packages mailed in time for holidays or celebrations, read (as I used to) for sustained periods...and playing a computer game repetitively. I too make lists of what I need to do...but never accomplish everything even when a list is laughably short. I thought it was age, but thanks to you younger folks, perhaps it is the energy required of my faulty wiring to use my brain effectively. Now I will stop being so self-critical (and maybe shorten those lists!) Thank you so much for making me feel not so alone and incompetent.

  • We sure face many of the same battles here, don't we. I feel less alone while reading these responses.

  • I'am tom, I found out that I had to study what I was going to do or I couldn't remember

    my employment was very detailed, became very belittled

  • Same here, I think it's a matter of focus for me . That kind of focus can drain my energy. But if I ever needed to find something important , I'd be in trouble

  • I can sure relate. I was thinking of going back to work after many years being home with homeschooling and farm. I wouldn't hire me if I were an employer. My memory sure isn't what it once was.

  • Me too, greaterexp. I have tried, but had to quit. It's all I can do to maintain my home and household chores now.

    My heart goes out to those of you here who MUST go to work and push through the fatigue and MS deficits. I know we are all different and MS affects us in different ways. (I have a friend w/MSwho worked in an office until nearly 70. I couldn't do that. But he couldn't dig in the garden like I could.) But needing to work and do tasks which have become a monumental undertaking? I know you all do it because you must. My prayer is that you all sleep well at night, have understanding employers, and treat yourself with a good helping of mercy and grace. πŸ’•

  • Thank you all for sharing. Now I don't feel so abnormal. I just finished 6 weeks with OT, PT and ST. My husband tries to understand but does not get it. When I'm having a hard time communicating it's next to impossible to explain. One morning I woke up unable to recognize anything or communicate. When I finally was able to he responded. "Why didn't you tell me" So goes our story.

    Not unlike raising a daughter with a severe hearing loss. Every year prior to school starting I met with her teachers and explained her situation. In twelve years of schooling only one teacher understood. All the others replied " Just have her come up after class and tell me what she missed and I'll go over it." You'd think I'd learn but each year I trusted she'd get a teacher that would get it.

    After fighting all those years for her and her severely deslexic brother and now me I sometimes want to quit. Now my grandson is struggling and my daughter comes to me for suggestions and there are days I want to go bury my head.

    Sorry for the long post. My message in a nutshell is I'm glad you all share it helps me know I'm not alone in my struggles.

    T1 aka T1-of F1 = ton of fun aka Denise from North Idaho

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