Finding the little girl in me struggling with the mass shooting of black people over the weekend..the burden of carrying 6 decades of being told that your not good enough, and neither is your Vice President and Supreme Court Justice’s …lest don’t forget all the little black and brown girls who remain faceless; not worthy enough to land our pictures on a milk carton or the local news. How many more days, how many more deaths, how many more decades do I need to drag the stench of racism everywhere I go? Now you tell me that I’m not safe at the corner grocery; because of my neighborhood?
I’m tired and find myself this morning reminiscing about the day in 1968; when my white elementary school principal told me not to come back wearing ( not only those window pane stockings but that black skin in my young mind)! As I age, proud of the skin I’m in… wearing that invisible yet necessary strong black woman crown; I’m Tired; with a capital T. Because I see no lights at the end of the tunnel. I’m tired of feeling faceless, and being told that I need to be replaced. My black soul weeps this morning. I need to desperately go on what I call “a praise walk.” I need to remember, to feel, to embrace the Lord’s promises that He indeed, has His eyes on Sparrows like me. While I’m walking trying to to find solace in this crazy world, can someone, ANYONE please tell my OCD voice to leave me the hell alone! Cause I’m just plain tired 😪
Hugs
Written by
sparrows
IOCDF Advocate
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I can only guess at what people of colour are taught by our racist society to feel, being white myself. I can only offer my solidarity, m determination to help stamp out racism, and my sisterhood with you.
Be proud and stand tall - and remember that the best colour of skin to have is the one you're born with. And that you come from people whose spirit could not be bought and sold. And remember that society owes you - not just freedom and equality and respect, but also an acknowledgement and appreciation of all that people of colour have contributed to the common store.
It's one thing to know that you're as good as anyone else - it's another to feel it. Here in England there is still racism - and any amount of racism is too much. But I've noticed just how much less racism and prejudice there is compared to when I was a child.
I'm hoping that I don't sound presumptuous and that you don't mind my commenting from a place where I can only sympathize without really knowing or having experienced what you have had to put up with. And thank you for posting that beautiful picture of the beautiful little girl you were - and always remember the beautiful woman you have become.
I am sending you so much love today. To be honest, I feel that progress is one step forward to steps back and it's disheartening. Although, even seeming progress often comes at the expense of others. It's frustrating.I remember being a little girl and wanting to be blonde with blue eyes and white skin because, even at a young age, I knew that was desirable. I only wanted to play with my white dolls and would reject the brown and black ones. My Mother noticed and talked to me and my brother about what it means to be brown in this country.
I cannot relate to or imagine all of the struggles you have faced Val, but I do stand with you in solidarity as a brown person of Latinx heritage.
When I find myself despairing and feeling tired of the hate in this world I try to use that as fuel to open up more conversations about how to dismantle the systems of oppression in my own community. I know that sometimes, that is easier said than done, but it does help a little. I'm always here if you need someone to listen.
No one should have to tell you this, because it *should* be evident in every interaction you have with other people, but please know that *you matter*. *You are important*. So is every Black and brown and LGBTQIA...and any person who has ever had to put up with the kinds of ridiculous delusional ideas that others perpetuate that have made them feel otherwise. And if I have done things that made someone feel small, I apologize right now and promise to always try harder.
My perfection anxiety is demanding that I correct a typo, above. The word person got accidentally deleted after the LGBTQIA and it's bugging me because the syntax sounds awkward. (Yes, I am a writer, and yes, I have OCD. ;))
I am so sorry for all that you've went through and I hope you can find peace in you're neighborhood... you're strong and admirable and you deserve it!! I'm sorry for what our crappy world has put you through
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When will this torture end? 
Just wanna leave this here...
how to accept thought is just a thought and live with uncertainty?
OCD getting worse. Idk what to do anymore (trigger warning)
