Boss Has Severe OCD/High Anxiety

[Greer978]

I guess the crux of my inquiry deals with how to best manage my days with a boss who has severe OCD and anxiety from the perspective of those who have it (and/or those who have had experiences with it in the workplace).

My work ethic and abilities generally garner trust and additional responsibilities, sometimes with promotions. I've had a new boss for a while and learned early on they are intelligent, quick, and caring, and from the start they were upfront about their OCD/anxiety.

That said, their way of getting the job done requires many extra, time-consuming steps due to OCD. I work according to their "system," but admittedly struggle with it at times, and this causes great anxiety in them (they get snappy, can't concentrate, and often walk away if I veer from their system, which is never done intentionally). This used to stress me to the point I'd be scared to do anything for fear of making things worse. Then I started questioning my worth.

We've had some open and honest discussions about all of this. They said they know how controlling they are and how hard it can be on others around them. One thing about life, though, is unexpected things happen; you have to punt when they do. And no matter how well I may have navigated an unexpected situation, it's never right by them.

I do want to do a good job for them, but I leave every day feeling inadequate. (As a side note, I am due for a raise yet question if I'll now get one.) I can tell myself it's "not me" but that doesn't change the reality of anything. I want to work with them, not against them.

Their anxiety is always "right there," ready to fly. Their pain is obvious when it does, and even if I didn't feel responsible for it (hard not to), they make sure to let me know I'm the cause...and tell me how very hard it is on them.

A friend who has an adult child with severe OCD and other co-existing disorders told me how to deal with it, but how she and her family deals with it is not something I can do with a boss.

It seems I have two choices: resign or continue with no expectation of any change. But are those the only two choices?

Thank you for you time and any insight or tools that might help.

[Ocdwarrior]

From a person who has OCD I'm going to say that it is not at all right for your boss to require you to do extra things to please his OCD. That's his problem, and I know OCD sucks and is terrifying so I can understand why he gets snappy and frustrated when things don't please his OCD, but still it's his problem not his employees and you shouldn't have to cater to all his OCD wishes. What he really needs to do is get a therapist who can help him gain control of his OCD so it doesn't rule him and his employees.

Sorry I know this doesn't help you. I just want u to know that from thr perspective of someone who has OCD, what he's doing isn't right. And you shouldn't have to suffer because of his OCD.

[Greer978 in reply to Ocdwarrior]

Thanks, Warrior. It actually did help a little, and possibly underscores that I am an enabler, which may be what they really want since my boss has mentioned that they are done with conventional help. Even without a disorder, we are all works-in-progress, and it's usually easier to not do the work to become better versions of ourselves.

[Ocdwarrior in reply to Greer978]

Also don't beat up on yourself for not being able to please him, OCD is never satisfied so that prolly why he gets upset. I'm sure your doing s great job! Yes!! We all want to be the best we can but when it comes to doing the work it takes 😬😬 it's tough!!

Good luck!

[3BirdLover]

I agree with Ocdwarrior. You don't want to feed into their OCD. It just makes it worse for all of you. My humble opinion is if they are not willing to get help, they will never change and/or only get worse and that is NOT healthy for you. Are there other good working options for you?

[Bigbrighteyes96]

I agree with others. You shouldn't and your boss should not expect you to appease their OCD. It's not good for you and it isn't helping them either.

[Greer978]

I'm glad I wasn't able to check back on the replies until after work today--b/c your replies make me feel better about what happened today....

(As a side note, found out today that a spankin' brand-new employee already quit and another new hire was dismissed b/c the boss "couldn't work with them" due to their poor memory for details affecting the quality of their work. As previously mentioned, the details are excessive and greatly reduce efficiency.)

Like every other day, I walked in thinking today is the day--I'll do everything right. lol, I don't think I've ever more wrong. The boss just kept nit-picking and criticizing, snapping, etc., which naturally amped their anxiety. And then I listened to a lengthy list of all my faults followed by the declaration, "I just don't know what do to about you. I can't possibly make your job any easier."

Say what now?!

With respect, I reminded them of a few of my accomplishments, which aren't the trademarks of someone who is inadequate or uncapable, yet here I am defeated by a job a blindfolded monkey could do...and that I wasn't interested in a job where I was considered so very limited by all my faults.

This is an insanely simple job--I took it on to supplement income. Today, I decided the income isn't worth it. I was just. so. certain. that I could do it to their satisfaction. Sigh.

Thank goodness it was a short work day.

I have a great-niece with severe OCD/anxiety, and a friend's adult child has severe OCD/Tourette's Syndrome/ADHD/Anxiety. I was told by my niece (great-niece's mother) and my friend to quit some weeks ago...but I was certain I could work with the new boss. By waiting, I'm now angry to have stayed long enough to hear the things I had to hear today.

Thank you all so very much. You've been awesome and I appreciate your taking the energy to reply.

I'll be kickin' around here, reading, in the days to come. I don't know if I need a better understanding, or if by personal experience and education from my niece / friend that my understanding has been taken as far as it reasonably can go.

Thanks, again, all. Hugs.