Frustrated and desperately NEED help!!!

[Greensummer18]

I haven't posted anything on here in a while, but I need help. I need to know everything will be okay. I don't feel safe anymore. I feel like a horrible person. I just wish I could go back and be the happy girl I was 2 months ago. I constantly feel something bad is going to happen and I'm going to be the one to do it. I feel I am a danger to those around me. I feel like a slave to my thoughts. I'm very sad. I'm very frustrated. I hate myself. I don't know what to do anymore. this just doesn't seem fair. If I didn't have this stupid disorder, I wouldn't be like this. I would be okay and I would be happy. I'm just feeling mad and frustrated with myself. When does it end? I need help. I don't want to die, but my life seems like a living hell, so why should I stay. I want my family to be safe. Will they be safe? I need to know. Will the pain go away? I desperately need prayer. I desperately need to know I am not alone.

[Moon_B]

Greensummer18, you may not be able to control which thoughts come in but you can decide how to act. If you don't want to do something, you won't. You said it, you feel like a slave to your thoughts. Don't be. (I know easier said than done) but really don't be. Trust yourself, and let the thoughts come and go. They don't have to control you, you are the one in control and with practice you'll get better.

Yes it will get better but it will take some time and hard work. It is worth it I promise.

Fear is an emotion it is not reality nor a prediction. Accept the feeling and do something else when the thoughts arise.

Good luck

[TheGreatAvoider in reply to Moon_B]

FEAR:

F.alse E.vents A.ppearing R.eal

[Hidden]

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time.

I did not have OCD for almost 17 years of my life.

Now I have OCD for the past 25 years.

I know how it feels when I think about those years when I was free of OCD.

I have severe OCD and do go through similar phases as you do.

I feel frustrated, wishing that I did not have OCD.

I learnt a technique in my therapy, which was that sit with the anxiety, in a room, accept

the thoughts as they are, with the feared consequences.

The anxiety level will slowly decrease.

And the thoughts will fade away in its intensity.

We are not in control of OCD.

You are not alone in this.

We are together in the struggle.

May God grant you recovery, peace, and happiness in life.

Take Care.

[Hidden]

Below is a link to an article about Harm OCD:

"Overcoming Harm OCD"

adaa.org/learn-from-us/from...

[MrsMapdog]

Hi sweetheart! Tears came rolling down my cheeks as I read your post to my husband. I have severe OCD as well. I hate this illness. It has affected my marriage so much. You are not alone. That is why this message board is here, so we can know we are not alone and to encourage one another.

Yes, your family will be okay. Our brains are a complex organ, it gets sick just like any other organ.

God Bless

[Mabelocd]

Greensummer18, I've had OCD since I was 4 yrs old, and I have been where you are many a time. You are right. It isn't fair. It is very painful and frustrating. All I can say is what I know from experience: If you work hard, you can get better. Find a therapist who knows about cognitive behavioy therapy for ocd. If you cant't, buythe book Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz and another about ERT therapy. Do the best you can on your own. Every little improvement will give you hope.

[MusclesNotWounds]

Hi Greensummer18, Hopefully you feel less alone reading the replies already posted, but I wanted to also say that it will get better! I have had OCD for almost 30 years, and have been through many ups and downs. I have felt all of the things you mentioned, including a lot of guilt for my intrusive thoughts. An ERP therapist has helped me immensely, as well as connecting with others and figuring out what kind of self-care works for me. It has also helped to remind myself that OCD is not my fault; it's a chronic condition like asthma or heart disease that I just need to figure out how to manage (and there are so many resources to help you do that!). In time, you will get good at managing it and the terrible things you are feeling now will start to fade. You can do this!