Taking a break for more in-person support

[Selesnya]

At my therapist's suggestion I am taking a break from the forum here for a month. It really hurts to take this step, but I am relying too much on the forum and not the people in my daily life, like my wife and son or various people at church. I need to get over the fear of taking to my wife about OCD. I think that this is the push that I need to follow through on that. I look forward to seeing you again in June.

[disneyandme]

Proud of you for taking this step!! You will do well. Thanks for all the help you've given me on this forum, it's greatly appreciated. You're a kind soul. Good luck. No matter what, your wife and son love you.

[Hidden]

We wish you well, Selesnya.

[LuvSun]

Well I think I can speak for others on this forum that we will miss hearing from you but wish you all the best and will look forward to hearing from you in the near future 👍👍

[Hidden]

I will miss you Selesnya! Talk to you in June!💗

[Selesnya]

Well, that didn't last as long as I had hoped.

I have been having a hard time today and I needed some support. I keep thinking that I should kill myself because things aren't going to get better, and I needed some reassurance of any sort. I thought about reaching out to a therapist that I know from the local hospital, even though I haven't talked to her in a couple years, because she always writes back right away. I wish that my therapist wasn't on vacation right now. I can't talk to my wife about having suicidal thoughts because it was too much of a real concern for a couple years, and now I know that it is just the OCD telling me that things are hopeless and focusing on my fear that I'm never going to get better, and it is not real depression.

Written out this all sounds worse than it is. I'm just having a hard OCD day. I don't really want to kill myself.

Thanks for being here so that I could read some posts from familiar people that also struggle with OCD. I'm going to try to be done with my reassurance seeking for today. This is just going to make things worse. I'll see how long I can stay away this time.

I felt I had to post just to admit that I didn't make it all the way until June. It would feel dishonest to come back for reassurance and not admit it.

[LuvSun]

Hang in there!

[Shutterislandnel]

Hi selesnya

Please don't beat yourself up, this is the ocd making you feel bad about not staying off healthunlocked for a month, maybe set yourself smaller goals such as a day, a week and build up to the larger timescale of a month

I know exactly how you feel not wanting to talk about the ocd and suicidal thoughts to your immediate family, when I feel like this I phone Samaritans and it feels so much better getting the thoughts off my chest to someone I don't know x

[Selesnya in reply to Shutterislandnel]

I think that I am going to reset my goals. My real goal isn't to stay off HealthUnlocked -- my goal is to talk to my wife and son more for support. To that end I am going to try to share some of what I'm posting here. I need to find easier ways to start sharing and not feel upset that I can't share everything. That will take some time.

[Selesnya in reply to Selesnya]

Damn therapists. Making us realize that we should be doing what we don’t want to do. He seemed to think that checking the forum every half hour might be a bit obsessive, and that was without truly admitting that it was probably more like every 5 to 10 minutes. I’ll see how long I can last this time.