HOCD and Loss of aesthetic attraction

[FSBHM]

Hello, I'm new to you. I'll try to be brief.

I think I have OCD with the theme of sexual orientation. It all started in October 2016, after a trigger, I started having quite strong intrusive thoughts, images, constant anxiety, scenario tests, I was constantly ruminating, I was looking for similar cases on the web. Last year, everything started to get better: I understood how my obsessions worked, little by little they almost went silent, more intrusive thoughts, more false attraction, more anxiety. At the end of all this, when there was almost nothing left (a few intrusive thoughts, nothing more), I started to focus on the eyebrows and notice defects on the faces of girls I found attractive. And little by little, my attraction almost completely evaporated. I found fewer and fewer girls attractive, I found them more and more flaws. Little by little it spread to the whole female gender. It's as if I had, overnight, become incredibly more selective with women. And nothing has changed since then.

For a few days at first, I thought it was just OCD, I was testing myself, I had anxiety at times but nothing more... And little by little... Anxiety increased, attraction never increased, sometimes it even decreased. I was afraid, I tested myself, hoping that my attraction would come back, I looked for cases similar to mine... In the evening I cried, I prayed (although I am not especially religious). My loss of attraction occupied most of my time, when I had nothing to do, I thought about it. I haven't been anxious for a while now, but it's been a year, a year since my aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex almost completely disappeared, a year since nothing has returned, a year since it gnaws at me from the inside. I just want the attraction to return to the way it was before. I'm afraid it'll never come back or never come back entirely.

I don't really know if it's OCD or not. I don't really have any anxiety anymore, I almost don't test myself anymore, I don't even think I care about my loss of attraction anymore for a few days. Everyone seems to find their attraction once in this situation, but not me.

I want my attraction to come back.

I now come to my questions:

- Do you think my attraction will return to the way it was before? Is that possible?

- How do I get my aesthetic attraction back?

[OrchidKoi15]

Hello, I am sorry for this drastic issue in your life. I have been there but not in that way. I really do think it is your OCD. The fact that you started focusing on flaws, eyebrows and such then freaking out that you were and feel you are not attracted to women anymore is ocd at its finest to me. Maybe I am wrong but try using it as an exposure. Look at a women and when you try to focus on specific features bring yourself back-use mindfulness. Practice looking at people in the eye and not specific features. Most of all, dont be so hard on your self. OCD has taken this way out of proportion for you. Other then that maybe the ocd is attacking a tramatic past or something that you had with a women and its not letting you get close to women in this way. OCD is a sneaky little devil.

[FSBHM in reply to OrchidKoi15]

Hi, thanks for your reply.

I don't really focus on girls' faults anymore, I just find them much less attractive, sometimes not even at all. Even the ones I found attractive before. I don't really think I'm being hard on myself. I would just like to regain my attraction for girls so I can start living normally again, it ruins my life...

[youn in reply to FSBHM]

Is this hocd? Because I get the gronial a lot and it’s basically when u get a erection feel like but it’s not so this happened a lot and now when I avoid places where I might find good looking guys in the fear I might get the gronial or not than I start to panick because my thoughts start telling me what if I’m gay because I’m focusing on guys and if I get the gronial a lot.

[Hidden in reply to youn]

This topic of anxiety can cause erections too.