Loneliness

[Garden987]

Like many of you I suffer from loneliness and isolation. My neighbours occasionally ring the bell to ask if I need any shopping but usually don't see them for weeks. People I thought were friends have drifted away or I realised their negative attitude to life was not what I needed. Because of recurring infections (7 chest infections and 3 bladder infections since November last year) I often feel very unwell and am virtually housebound and therefore an able to find new interests. There is very little here for older people unless you are fit - lots of walking groups- which I always loved. I live alone and my youngest daughter does what she can to support me but I can go for weeks without seeing anyone. I try to accept the situation but it is very hard sometimes.

[Helen1952]

That must be hard for you .

Have you had a look at Age Uk

they may have something in your area you can look at their website .

They may be able to suggest something that doesn't involve too much .

I used to work for them and they are pretty good .

Also there is University of the third age which might be worth a look at .

I hope you find something to help you feel better

Helen xx

[Garden987 in reply to Helen1952]

Hi Helen. THanks for your reply. Have done U3A - not, shall we say, friendly!Also don't feel well enough to attend or get to meetings. I live in Wales and have tried all the charities, including. Age. Cymru. No luck there either.Will just have to get on with it I guess. All good wishes to you. Mary

[Aime]

So sorry you feel like this. I think getting out to have a coffee and a chat would really help if you could manage it. Perhaps there is someone nearby who feels lonely too and you could help one another or perhaps you could join a local group which provides transport from home to a community centre where an activity takes place; e.g. Where I live there are luncheon and craft groups on different days of the week.

In the meantime sending you loads of E hugs in the hope they cheer you up a bit.xxxx Aime 😺😺

[Mwalimu]

Have you looked at what a local church has to offer? They often provide transport and offer opportunities to meet and chat with other people - no church organisation I know insists on you being a member of the congregation.

Alternatively could you start a group in your own place - a book group, knitting group etc?

Do you have or can you get internet access? It's amazing and you might be able to skype friends and relatives elsewhere, abroad etc. How about doing your family history - your daughter could help you find help to get started.

I hope you soon find a way to help you feel less lonely ... Sallie

[Garden987]

Hi Sallie. Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions. Not to sound negative, my local church doesn't "mix" with non members. In fact I have lost someone I thought was a friend who belongs to the church because she was cross with me because "things couldn't be as they were before". I know she's a very unhappy lady and used me mostly as a shoulder and ear! My family are all dead now, apart from my daughters, and there is no one I could ask to set up a group of any kind because I've lost touch with everyone. The problem is my health which prevents me from joining anything or going far. Energy levels are nil but it's not for lack of wanting to have some kind of life. just no opportunity. Am actually waiting for the nurse to come as I'm feeling unwell and BP has decided to drop rather alarmingly. Hopefully infections will be sorted out and things will improve. It just gets very difficult at times. Hope things are OK with you. Mary

[eire]

Really feel for you how awful to feel so isolated. It makes you think just how many lonely,poorly people there are possibly in our own communities that we don't know about. I live in the middle if nowhere (very beautiful) and don't know the locals except for hello!!!!! I'm married with a loyal dog and am able to drive. When you feel really low it's so hard to get up and go its easier and you feel safer in your home. My daughter and grand daughter live about 20 mins away but I don't tend to contact them unless I'm in good form!!!! When I feel enough is enough I drive into town wander around then treat myself to a coffee and people watch - I unashamedly listen to any conversation I can!!!!! I don't know if it's at all possible for you to sell up and move to town/village?? I used to live just outside Cardiff what part of Wales are you in?? I have a free travel pass and often take a train or bus ride is this possible something you could do when you feel better? I've also found my local library is great they are all so friendly. They have movie afternoons,arts and crafts and book clubs. I do understand when you are so poorly the thought of doing anything is monumental but I hope you can get some ideas for when you feel better.

Thinking of you.

Pat

[Garden987 in reply to eire]

Pat, thank you so much for your thoughtful note. I live in Chepstow which seems to have been overlooked by the council and cuts. I too love people watching. The bus service here is somewhat erratic and unreliable but right now can't even walk to the bus station 5 minutes away! It must be my age because I seem to have a different outlook on life to many people. Where is their minds? Anyway, I am very fortunate in that whenever I go to pharmacy,my local farm shop, hairdressers etc. (Always by taxi at the moment) people are so kind and I forget that sometimes. Having an active mind usually I love to have discussions about everything but spending so much time alone it's only me who listens and sometimes gives sensible answers! So there are angels out there so mustn't forget that - people like you and all the lovely people who have sent words of comfort and support. Thanks again and my very best wishes to you. Mary

[lizzziep]

It is hard to summon the mental strength to try something new when you haven't been well and feel down. I can't walk far due to arthritis, I can drive though and have joined a creative writing group, if you check your local library there might be something local to tempt you. I also started going swimming on my own to help with my movement, I have got to know the other swimmers, all similar age to me, I don't see them away from the pool but it is nice to chat as I swim up and down. Locally to me there is a tea and natter group at a local community centre, there may be something similar near you. As previously mentioned researching your family history is very absorbing.

Of course as a last resort I can talk to my husband!!

Hope you're feeling better soon.

XXX

[Garden987 in reply to lizzziep]

Thanks Issiep. You are making the most of your situation. Good for you. Fancy talking to your husband! They do have their uses don't they. Once these infections are dealt with who knows!?. Very best wishes to you. Mary

[Mollypie]

So sad that there are many lonely people out there.

Iam sure you have tried many different avenues to help yourself but sometimes it is just not that simple.

Sending you a big hug.xx

[carpediem17]

I’ve recently found out a befriending service that helped me a lot after a very hard period where I can talk freely to students, young people from Vietnam, a South East Asia country without being known who I am and knowing who they are. Joy is sometimes teaching them native English. I really enjoy it. Maybe it works with you