Daily Struggles

[Hummingbird01]

Hi all. I have recently come to the end of my IVF journey and am now having to come to terms with being childless not by choice. I have been on here looking for advice on how to start to come to terms with this but at the moment I feel like I just cannot move forward. So far, I haven't really spoken to many people about it, my mum just wants to suggest another batch of options which is infuriating, I only have a small circle of friends and I don't want to speak to those with kids because I feel like I can't be entirely honest with them without making them feel guilty for what they have. I am struggling to get through most days - I either have to block it out in order to get through the day and other days I just break down at some point. My husband has been great and he is obviously dealing with this as well but it is all just so lonely and frustrating, and painful.

[Blaze19]

Hi there,

Welcome to More to Life, you have joined a community where all of us are in the same position and facing a life without children albeit at different stages in our journeys with different experiences. I hope that the different support offered by the charity helps you through this difficult time.

Everything you describe is very familiar. When I first discovered my fate I went through a deep grieving process and felt my heart had been torn apart. I felt that my friends wouldn't truly understand what it is like to have your world turned upside down and I craved the community of people who could relate to everything I felt and wanted to say.

I'm not sure if you have seen the support available. If you navigate through the menus under the MTL section you will see that there are webinars, you can have a call with a trained support volunteer, there are meet up groups in some areas of the country among other things. This online section is good to share feelings and frustrations and hear views from others.

I found that talking with others really helped me and I went through a period of trying to define my purpose and how i could have a fulfilled life without children. I'm 2 years in my journey now and although I am fat stronger now I'll always have that scar from the wound which will be with be with me forever.

I hope you get comfort and support from other aspects of the charity too Xx

[Otherhood]

Hi Hummingbird, sorry you find yourself here. The pain initially is so hard, like you I tried to block it out or broke down. I desperately seeked a way to move on and come to terms with the situation. Unfortunately grief is a process you have to go through and can’t really force.

Like you my mum was not helpful so I stayed away. It’s hard to talk to friends who aren’t in the same boat, I also distanced myself from them.

I found reading - living the life unexpected and a few of the books Jody Day recommends in her book a great help, I also had my own counselling and then couple counselling which was really hard but so helpful. I attended some gateway women meet ups. Posted on here.

3 years on from ending our baby quest it’s been horrendous at times but we are getting through, I’m certainly having happy days, weeks and sometimes months now which I never thought I’d see. I’m reconnecting with friends and it feels easier.

Hang on in there. Sending you a hug! Xx