Another one pregnant grrrr!!!

[lightl]

Sorry girls/boys I need a rant this morning. Been off work week holiday in wales with our 2 sausage dog babies had fab holiday really needed it, first day back to work today logged on to Facebook this morning what do I see....a colleague at work f-ing pregnant young girl didn't even know she was, then an old friend who is a lot older then me she announced she is pregnant! Oh and to top it off I started my period- great- what a kick in the teeth. It's been just over a year since we stopped all ivf and trying to come to terms with getting on with our lives, it's really bad and I feel awful but I can't bring myself to be happy for them I have just unfollowed them on FB cause I can't stand seeing the baby updates 😞 I want to cry. I'm scared of seeing the colleague at work she knows what I went through ...rant over off to work 😰x

[MinMin]

I have unfollowed loads of girls as it's too hard to keep seeing online. I normally hate it when I find out then gradually get over the worst apart from when literally every conversation is about baby stuff. People need to take the conversation elsewhere or you should take yourself away for a breather. I wish it even all stopped once they left! Then we all get the announcement and the flipping collection.

You won't believe this but I'm actually off into Reading today to get a baby gift for someone in my choir! I got 'volunteered' as we're good friends and most don't know my position.

Ah well I'm going to see If if can manage it as a test but have asked someone to come too in case I crumble.

Good luck this week lightl (and the others on here that may suffer the same!)

xx

[lightl in reply to MinMin]

Aww thanks minmin I guess we must be strong! X

[pm27]

Pregnancy announcenents are so hard. At least with Facebook you can arrange your game face before seeing them in person. I hope that seeing ypur colleague wasn't too bad.

I've contributed to so many baby collections over the years and attended baby showers as they came into fashion with a smile plastered on. I have remarked to my mum that no-one is gong to start a collection & buy me a card saying "Congratulations, your life is the same as it was 10 years ago".

We ceased treatment 1.5 years ago and although it has got easier with the announcements (fortunately not many) they can get to me when I least expect it, like celebrities I'll never meet. Our fitness class instructor is now on mat leave. She hasn't talked about her impending birth but some of the other ladies just wouldn't stop with the birth and baby stories.

[lightl in reply to pm27]

Omg I've not had to endure any baby showers thank god but you're right it does hit you when u least expect it I'm hoping time will make it easier as the people in my life have mostly had their babies now but always catches me off guard when I think I'm doing ok then boom

[Apostrophe]

Ah, the pregnancy announcements - when your heart beats so fast you think you're going to pass out or be sick!

It's been 2 years now since we stopped ivf and 6 years since we started trying for a baby. All I can say, and I never EVER thought I'd hear myself say this, is it does get better! Of course there's always that odd melt down and the 'why are they pregnant, they don't deserve it, it's so unfair!!! (*Stamps feet and cries*)' But it's started to feel less like stab in the heart! I'm 28 and my husband is 38, so all his friends are on their 2nd babies and all my friends are popping out their first ones, and I've noticed I'm not as neurotic and crazy this time round (well, just less frequently!)

And as for Facebook - I deleted my account about 2 years ago now, and it was the best thing I ever did!

Sorry to waffle, this is my first post on here, but your story resonated with me so much I just had to comment and let you know - it gets a little better.

Keep smiling

[Wendy48 in reply to Apostrophe]

I agree, I deactivated my FB profile last week for exactly the same reason and it's definitely helped x

[lightl in reply to Apostrophe]

Aww thanks apostrophe that's good to hear both my husband and I are 34 it's been 6 years 2 rounds ivf so we are done but it still ruddy hurts 😞 our friends have popped out their 2nd babies it's just the odd few colleagues and long lost mates on Facebook that are potentials I'm just struggling to move on I'm such an angry person 👹 ahhhh x

[fee-B]

Hi LightL, I so know how you feel. After my first IVF failed my brother and wife broke the news that they were due. I got so depressed, I could not be happy for them, I knew that for the next 9 months all my family would do was talk about their arrival. To this day they still do not understand.

You will probably be dreading this happening in your workplace, thinking that this is all they will talk about, but stay strong, as the immediate excitement will pass, and before you know it, people will be talking about holidays and Christmas parties. I have said in previous posts that as a couple, we compensate ourselves for not having children. We go out for meals/ drinks whenever we want. We go on amazing holidays, and treat ourselves to all the things we we would not be able to do.

I am now 44 and I know it is too late for me. I have accepted a childless life. I now can be happy for people, and I love all my friends children. I now prefer the lovely relaxing bubble that I live in. Time is a great healer.

I am new to this site and for the first time I am with contact with people that understand me. Please let us know how you get on and if it becomes more bearable soon.

xxx

[lightl in reply to fee-B]

Hi fee-B - my dads other family doesn't understand what I'm going through cause he has grandchildren now so thinks I should b the good auntie! Wtf he has no clue! That upsets me as well 😢

It was ok at work I emailed her and I sent her the infertility sheet for friends and colleagues I have which helps them understand, it's great cause it says what I want them to know and the lady knows I don't want to hear anything and she respects that luckily!

I just hope my anger passes and I can be happy for people I'm just angry it's not my life. I'm finding it difficult to get on with hobbies I watch a lot of tv we have booked holidays and bought a car and we do things when we want to now but I'm still angry and upset cause it's not what I want to be doing grrr. I'm not sure if I'm depressed and need some drugs to help or more counselling or if just time will help

Thank you for replying though so good to talk with women who understand and don't judge you x

[Hidden]

hi Lightl,

well done for sending your work colleague an infertility fact sheet. That's such a brave and helpful thing to do. Did you write it yourself or get it from somewhere? Maybe you could share it for others to use?

I was only brave enough to do something similar with one old guy I used to work with. After he went on a rant about how his daughter in laws sister should just adopt and get over not being able to have kids I saw red. I thought if I can help one lady out like me I need to. But I have never been brave enough to do this to my own friends.

I have ceased being on facebook 3 yrs ago as it was just making me angry. I would highly recommend that move. And only see friends who I can trust with my delicate heart. But the workplace is a nightmare. When a colleague gets pregnant there is nowhere to hide. I am considering working for myself just to alleviate this agony. I work in a field with mostly young women...and dread the inevitable baby bomb.

I do feel like infertility has robbed me of my old self. There is always an internal battle raging. Under the surface I am angry, bitter and sad. It does feel so unfair and I just hope that one day my old self returns. In the meantime it is so helpful hearing from other ladies further down the line that remind me it will get easier. xxxxx

[lightl]

Hi fuzzy-winker

Absolutely my counsellor gave me a leaflet for a website on infertility and suggested if I felt strong enough to send it to friends and family so I've kept it and I sent it to all my family, my mum was the only one who responded but I felt better for doing it. So the website is-

fertilitynetworkuk.org

Click on how can we help you

Click on those trying to become parents

Click on information

Click on emotional impact

Click on families, parents, friends & colleagues

Then on your right hand side there is a fact sheet to download

The rest of the site is very interesting and helpful. I'll do a new post with just the site details on in a bit so others can see xx