New here....looking for some like-minded thoughts and support...

[MarieNarie]

Hi....I'm new here and am just coming to terms with my current health situation and trying not to fall into a depression or otherwise. I am divorced 2.5years and I was trying to get pregnant when married but the first sign of problems was with my ex husband as I appeared to be "fine" from blood tests in the first instance. Because of this we then applied to be adoptive parents and were accepted to the first stages but then over the next 6 months my marriage fell apart and we eventually seperated.

During the next three years in dating and meeting people I was ( as I now realise) looking for someone to pick up where my life had stalled and wanted to meet someone to have a longterm relationship with and a baby with. However, I never met anyone, mainly because that was a bad way to be looking to meet someone.

I have now been diagnosed with several large, vascular uterine fibroids and am in constant pain in my back, hip and leg from the pressure of them on my nerves. I am waiting to start the treatment Esmya for 6 months, to hopefully reduce my fibroids and mange the period pain and heavy bleeding. I have also been told that I cannot have a Miyectomy to remove the fibroids as they are so vascular that they would leave such cavaties that could lead me to bleed to death. I am also 40 and single so am coming to terms with the fact that conceiving and carrying a child naturally is never going to be an option for me. If this doesn't work, then my only option is a hysterectomy or to continue with the pain. Neither I wish to do.

Friends and family are very supportive, but I am constantly told I could freeze my eggs, or I could have a surrogate or adopt. But I am grieving for my loss - that I just don't work the way I'm supposed to and I may never be a mother and just managing to cope and carry on every day without breaking down, whilst my friends are mothers or are pregnant or are thinking about having another child...when all my choices have been taken away from me and I have nothing.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking, I've never written on a forum before but when I found this it felt like the right place to be. I just feel like the odd one out and a failure really,

[lc01sw]

Hi Marie welcome to the forum you are not alone or a failure, everyone on here have been through their own issues. I had a hysterectomy nearly six years ago after suffering each month with excruciating pain caused by polycystic ovaries and fibroids like yourself it was a difficult decision but it was affecting my health. It was the best decision for that respect but emotionally has been hard for both me and my husband,sorry that your marriage broke down which couldn't have helped with your health issues. Have you had any counselling? I did after my hysterectomy it does help.Take care 😊

[Infertility-hurts]

Dear MarieNarie

Welcome here, I hope you feel you're among friends who will offer as much support and care as possible for you.....

You've had some really hard times and I think I would say certainly go and talk to someone professionally about it all.... It's way too much to process and take in, it needs time and space to somehow find your way through it all...

Even a friend who will listen and just be there for you?

If you can do that then hopefully you could start to really grieve properly, that's so important, and I think what I've found people who don't have fertility issues do not understand I'd that its a bereavement you're going through - and a major one at that....

Personally, I wouldn't associate with people or situations that are difficult to deal with eg baptisms, children's parties, etc... It's just too raw right now and anyone with an ounce of compassion should understand.

Whatever you enjoyed in life you should try to do as much as you can and just generally make time for yourself so you can process all your feelings etc etc.... It will take time so be good to yourself and please don't feel like a failure...

You have a condition / series of conditions which are life changing and you can't control that right now!!

Please keep messaging and I am sure you'll find support and the start of the healing process here,

Take care