Unexplained & Not Coping: We have unexplained... - More To Life

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Unexplained & Not Coping


We have unexplained infertility. Without going into too much detail I'm not coping at all. I don't know what people do when they don't have children. How can I cope with the pregnancy announcements for the rest of my life. Does it actually get easier or will I be in this much pain forever?

12 Replies

Hi Katy sorry to hear that your struggling at the moment it must be very hard when you have been told it's unexplained as you don't have the answers you want. It will get easier with time like a bereavement you have to go through the grieving process Unfortunately you can't avoid people getting pregnant it's in your face all the time whether at work or outside of it, where do you live? You probably need someone to talk to. Take care 😊

Hi Katy, like yourself I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. For me age is now the main thing - I'm 43. I have been really struggling. I went to my gp last year and have had some counselling on the NHS which I have found beneficial. Perhaps this would be a starting point for you? I know it's awful I'm surrounded by family and colleagues with children and pregnancy announcements. please know that you are not on your own. I am currently off work with stress it may be that you could ask your gp for some time off just to give you some head space. Please keep posting here and take care of yourself x thinking of you

Hi Katy I am the same the unexplained and I am not coping either I seem to be taking it out on everyday life I don't wanna go to work i have been of for 4 weeks and now going back for one night a week as I feel like I can't deal with it but have no choice to earn money :( although even dropping my hours is causing me problems as now I panic I won't have enough money it's a vicious circle I have now got anxiety and feel like depression is creeping in I need to snap out of it people say it gets a little easier the more I learn to accept it or live with it I hope so because the constent crying and panic attacks is doing my head in :(

Dear Katybetter,

Just want to say we are thinking of you. My wife and I have a similar story. Don't do anything your not comfortable with. If being around others/ work/ those pregnant or with children is too much just now its best to avoid. In time, you'll cope better, and I agree you should look at counselling options, support groups, making contact with people who have suffered infertility. But it's just so raw for you now I think you need time and space to start healing...... Look after yourself, especially with some treats everyday and focus on the positives and the good things. Take care.

Hi everyone replying with unexplained infertility, is good to know there is more like myself out there! I agree with all the above.

I finished IVF 8 year ago, it does get easier but doesn't go away completely, I still have my moments. So don't be hard on yourself.

Take care everyone, us unexplained, it is a tough one to deal with. Xx

We're 13 months on from ceasing ICSI. The pain is still there but has lessened. Although we knew some reasons for our infertility they still don't know or can explain why so many cycles are unsuccessful. Our consultant said if they did know everyone would get a BFP or would be told there was no chance of success and to not start treatment.

Pregnancy announcements are hard and can trigger negative thoughts but it's something we have to find ways of coping with as people are going to continue having babies. I had some counselling about 7 months after our 3rd BFN and it helped to understand the grief process and that my feelings were "normal".

Hi Katy, I am sorry to hear of your struggles. I have been there and it's awful and only time makes it more bearable but it feeling still remains with you. I am 36 and been struggling with infertility for the past 3/4 years. Long story short and many examinations later I have POF.

Counselling is externally helpful you may wish to go to get some coping mechanisms that work for you.

I felt at the time that the emotions just consumed me but that gets easier for sure.

Hang in there. Take care x

Hi Katy I've just joined on here tonight I'm going thru exactly the same the face book pregnancy scans the questions o why haven't you got kids yet you better get cracking it's enough to send you into a break down I've just been wanting someone to talk to that's going thru the same things as me sometimes I feel very alone on this i try to feel optimistic but it's hard to as it's been a few years now so maybe we could talk xx Kelly x


Hi Katy, I know how you feel. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility 3 years into trying for children. 4 years and some serious battle wounds later I am starting to grieve the reality of never meeting the children we dreamt of. I am currently going to counselling to help with my grief. One of the first things I realised through counselling was that my infertility was out of my control. We are bombarded with stupid health advice, idiots who like telling us miracle stories, positions, pills and diets to try. We put so much pressure on ourselves that it was such a relief to realise I can't change my infertility. It's out of my control. ... And I have to start being kind to myself.

This kindness has meant coming off Facebook aka babybook. Not comparing myself to others. Reminding myself what a wonderful husband I have. Getting rid of toxic thoughts and insensitive friends. I am starting to build a life with kindness being key. Kind and considerate friends. Kindest to myself and doing things that make me happy. Reminding myself of all the blessings I have. I have many years of damage to rebuild. Many hurts that will still happen. But remember you are not alone. Xxxx

Please know that your not alone , my heart goes out to you . Just ending a failed cycle of ivf . I struggle to get out of bed at the moment , never mind the house .its heartbreaking

You are not alone. I just saw my mother and sister in law yesterday and most of the conversation was about DH and I having a child. Lucky for me they're very supportive. I always get the ‘don’t be sad, you’ll be a mom’ or don't think about or you can't stress about it. I’m lucky to have supportive friends. But most of these people are people with children already. I just think for the people who conceived very easily, they have no idea just how perfect everything has to align to get pregnant! I must admit, I never realized how much of a process it was, and how many different reasons there could be for infertility. I had a friend tell me the other day to just relax and act like I am already pregnant. Somehow she believes I will get pregnant just like that after 4 years of trying by just relaxing. They just don’t get it… They don’t know how it feels when you’re ttcing for years and nothing happens. It's good that we have somewhere to go (this site) where others are in the same situation and understand. DH gets very stressed because at his job all his friends ask him when he's going to have a baby and that makes him feel bad about himself. I guess is not only us that get it.

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