So... it's been a long time since I posted anything.
I've been through a lot. I lost a job last year because I had 2 days off sick because of a migraine. I was unemployed for 2 months but was offered a new job in London. I've been working there almost a year now so this is a massive, massive achievement for me. Previously I only managed to get temp jobs and it had been this way for 4 years.
My IBS was the same as it always had been but was and remains well managed with medication.
My anxiety has been OK. I think the regularity of going to work has helped a lot, has given me confidence in myself and made me happier. I still do have moments of anxiety where I feel panic-stricken and worried about life in general which can be exhausting. I had the start of a panic attack at work the other week but my colleague took me out of the office for a drink of water and sat with me. I was developing an intense, painful ocular migraine.
I got sent home then signed off sick by the doctor. I managed to go back to work for one day the following week but got signed off sick again after my Botox appointment (botox for migraine) caused me to go into mild form of shock.
I've been OK since then, which was 3 weeks ago. I've only had one grad 6 migraine since then. I was sick last Saturday and suffering with the Grade 6. (If you trade your migraines on the Hit 6 you know what this is).
My work colleagues aren't entirely understanding about Migraine but our department manager is. He is very good and actually has suffered a few migraines himself, and is very encouraging towards what I achieve at work, despite having this treacherous disability.
Recently I was offered the opportunity to partake in a surgical study in hospital, so I'm due to have an appointment for that soon. I had a meeting with the department manager today to let him know, and he was very pleased to hear about my progress about trying different things and very supportive of my request to work from home during my recovery time. I said I was afraid of showing my scars at work so I'd like to tele-commute. Of course he supported this but also said he'd be happy for me to just have that time off to relax and recoup. I'm pleased to have the option.
Workplace understanding is often half the battle of being a chronic migraineur, but when the right support is there you're not suffering as much stress which ultimately would end up feeding a panic attack.
I'm turning 30 in 6 months and have now been married for 4 years. Obviously at this point in my life a lot of people are asking when I'm going to have children. Frankly the answer should be "It's none of your damned business!".
I don't know if I'll ever be mentally ready for that. I'm so scared that being a chronic migraineur would severely hamper my ability to be a parent. I'd also have to go 9 months without being able to take my medication. Without it I can barely leave the house for more than a few hours. How would I be able to cope? Then there is the matter of the childbirth itself, if/when I get there. Hours of labour and straining, pushing etc are inevitably going to cause a severe migraine, panic attack or both. I'd be exhausted and very ill... I imagine there's very little advice available for this kind of situation as I don't just have the migraines it's the IBS and panic attacks as well...
I saw the family planning nurse yesterday for some advice and it turns out the tablets I used to take I will never be able to take again as they could kill me with a severe stroke. I was understandably shocked to hear this. I've always been paranoid I'd have an early stroke.
They are going to recommend the POP (progesterone only pill) but only after I've seen a consultant at the clinic. They are going to arrange an appointment and get back to me.
Life as a sufferer of multiple illnesses can be exhausting and very depressing and I have to take each day as it comes. I'm always having to be careful about what I eat and what I do in my daily activities. I can't over-exert myself. I can't even run for a bus.
I count the little 'blessings' and accept this is the hand I've been dealt. I'll never understand why I suddenly became so ill the moment I hit 20. I've now been 12 years a migraineur, 8 years with IBS, 5 years vomiting.
I just think it's important for others to know they are not alone and there are other people out there with various debilitating sicknesses. Just because you can't physically see it, doesn't make it any less real.